Tick tock

This was a great book, keeps you spell bound. I would read more from this author. Keep the good work up.

Actually I quite liked the quick, choppy pace and lack of intimate life details - I felt it really pulled the story along at an interesting pace.

What I would have like to see, though, is breaks (page breaks or chapter heading, more para space) between the different events/time spans. I felt the paras ran into each other, and sometimes I had to re-read when I realised the setting was now a different time of day. Perhaps that's why other reviewers felt it was rushed?

Sarah, your style has already matured incredibly since our writing course - practice is definately making you perfect! I found your writing gripping and I was completely involved in their life right through. Having said that, though, I'm knocking one star off because I felt a little unsatisfied with the ending. I can't articulate off the top of my head why, I'd need to think about it, but it felt like a bit of an anti-climax.

You're definately on the right track, though, with this writing thing!




Having

I enjoyed this Sarah but felt you rushed it a little. It was almost like you were telling me an edited version - like gossip - rather than the version played out by the characters. I would let her dwell more on how life used to be before retirement (was it really much better?) and take your time with the detail. I would also play up his bewilderment at it all, he is clearly unaware of her fear of ageing and puts her tempers down as small events which is why she explodes so violently at the end but maybe we could pity her more if she asked for reassurance and didn't get it? Maybe he could be imposing OAP discounts on her now he's retired having allowed her top notch until then so she resents him more? And if she is going to turn cold and calculating at the end she needs to mean it I think, the throw. Either that or let her collapse before gathering herself as at the moment she jumps to a way out too quickly - this might be solved by slowing the pace down though. I'd also talk about what she can do with her inheritance once she gathers herself so we hate her again once you've given her sympathy - she sounds like she would spend it all on plastic surgey lol!

There is a bit of 'like this and like that' - I know there is a phrase that covers this but I can't think of it - drop this and let me see it rather than you telling me it - show rather than tell.

You did convey to me a woman in denial and on the edge and you portrayed her well. I very much liked how close to the edge you got me in fact - I really believed in her which is a credit to your writing. You definitely have something here and I can see her and him and the house very well which is difficult to do in such a short piece so well done.
It's dark but entertaining and if this is what getting old is all about I'll pass :)

Well done!

Not bad....as a woman myself, I can relate to the character. Aging is a fear, for us women, it can be devestating.

My only complaint: I think the author may have written the story to quickly.Great ending,yet I think she may have jumped to quickly from scene to scene..play it out a little more before getting to the ending. Such as a little more detail ....play out the annoyances a bit more, add a few more,make each next one more annoying that the other, then BLAM! :0) Hope this helped more than confused? :0) Other than that well done!

My ratings:
4 stars for grammer
4 stars for character relation/connection
3 stars for story substance

If this is your 1st, wonderfully done. I encourage you to write more...perhaps after a few you can combine them into a book. Get more gory, I think you would be suprised how really psyco you could get with your characters freakouts and write some really great thrillers....I am not a professional, but I love to help fellow Indie authors with reviews. Remember this, if it sucked,I would't review(not into bashing) so you have a great start here. Write more, I would love to read them and thanks for sharing! AD