Even in the world of short stories, this is a quickie. In the couple of minutes it takes to read it's quite descriptive. Was this just a writing exercise? Why not write a full length book, or even a full length short story, Michael? Or have you? ...Off to check out what else you've written in case I'd be interested.
I'd have given it 4 stars if it had been longer. Doesn't seem fair, does it? Let's call it my own inadequacy that I can't judge a story that's /this/ short.
One last thought --I guess this story did it's job after all if I'm going to check out more.
Ok, one really last thought --this review may be longer than your story. :)
(review of free book)