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I'd been working for Clobber-Free Cleaners for only two weeks when I met up with Dora. Most of the women I worked for just quietly watched me as I cleaned their house naked. Afterwards they might make me a cup of tea and we'd have a friendly chat. With Dora it was different, she took an evil glee in having a defenceless naked man at her mercy. I felt like a mouse being played with by a tiger cub.

I should have seen the warning signs on my first visit when I noticed an enormous purple vibrator sitting on the television in the lounge room looking for all the world like a decorative ornament. I lifted it gingerly to dust the top of the set. It felt a little sticky.

"Oh, how embarrassing!" cried Dora. "I forgot I left that there." She grabbed it out of my hand, standing uncomfortably close as she did so. "There was a George Clooney movie on the telly last night," she added with a wink.

There are no hard and fast rules about how we are to speak to the customers. The only rules are that there should be no physical contact more intimate than a handshake. Personally, I think it lends an air of class to come on a little posh, so I always refer to my clients as "madame".

"I don't think you should really be doing that, madame," I said, on my second visit, when Dora came up behind me and began to gently stroke my right thigh while fondling my left buttock and nibbling my left ear lobe.

"I don't think you really mind," she teased. "If you did you would tell me to stop. You wouldn't be all 'I don't think you should really be doing that'." She actually did quite a good impersonation of my manner, I have to give her that.

"I'm sure madame is just trying to be affectionate," I replied, "but my only interest is in upholding the reputation of Clobber-Free Cleaners by doing the most thorough job I can in removing dirt and grime from your domicile."

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