She Doesn't Know She's Beautiful
By H. Jason Schulz
Copyright © 2012 H. Jason Schulz
All rights Reserved
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Cast: Pretty girl
Pretty girl: Hello Ronald. Thanks for meeting me here. (Pauses) No. Normally I would have you pick me up, I love riding in your car. You show me another guy in the state with a vintage AMC Gremlin. (Smiles) Ah!You truly have a one of a kind car! (Shakes her head and looks serious) Listen. This is hard for me to say so please don't say a word until I finish. We've been together now for over three weeks and while it has been the best time of my life, I just can't do this to you. You're too good for me. I know that I'm holding you back and I care for you too much to continue to selfishly keep you to myself. (Pauses again) Why? For one thing, you're too smart for me. I mean your last victory at the “Yu-Gi-Oh” tournament was genius! I … I never would have thought of using the blue deck against Matthew. I'm just not that smart. I know, I know, I did win all state at the Chess tournament, and I'm captain of the debate team but that pales by comparison! Besides that, your knowledge of the USS Enterprise is so impressive and you speak Klingon! I only speak Mandarin Chinese, Russian, French and German. Nothing from another species! It's not only that you are smarter than me it's also your appearance. Look at you! You are at least 270 pounds. I can never hope to present such an imposing presence. I try and try, but I guess I'll always be an athletic 105 pounds. It must be the cheer leading, volley ball team, ski team and aerobics that keeps me so slim. Everywhere I go boys stare at me! It makes me so self conscious. And then they take pity on me and ask me for dates. I don't want pity. And look at you hair! It's so shiny and straight! Like you just combed it with vegetable oil! Mine is naturally bouncy with this slight curl. I've tried to get it to straighten out with tons of product...but it just ends up wavy. ( Raises hand to stop Ronald ) I told you to not to talk! That's not all. I heard that you have just landed a dream job at the pig farm! Oh to be working with animals! My parents are making me go to Harvard to get a law degree! What could be worse! So...With all that stacked against me... I simply cannot hold you back any longer. You are too good for me! I...I'm...setting you free! (Starts to cry.) Go! Just go!