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Fuck You! Your Dick Is Mine!

By Victorie Lazer


Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2012 Victorie Lazer


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The back porch sported a pentagram in pink chalk, surrounded by mood candles and rose petals. An altar, fashioned from a purple ottoman, had arcane runes carefully embroidered in gold thread. It was perhaps the most pastel-colored Satanic altar in the history of the world. A life-sized Barbie's Unholy Playhouse set.

But that was just how Dee liked things. Pink, pretty, perfect.

Dee was an English lit grad student, practiced old-fashioned Satanism, and fucking loved cats. Her house, leased for two small pets, boasted ten large and wretched felines, each of whom she had rescued from Humane Society death row. The largest and most wretched feline of them all, Mr. Beauregard Applebottom, had been missing for a week now. Though he was less of a pet and more of a mobile gastrointestinal tract held together by fur and spite, Dee missed him terribly and began searching for him, putting posters up around the block and spying into the neighbor's houses.

It was through the latter activity that she discovered the whereabouts of Mr. Applebottom. Sitting up on her roof, aiming her telescope with the utmost of precision, she saw him through Mrs. Moreschi's open back window, flopping about in his usual lethargic manner.

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