The Long Road Home
Copyright 2012 Meghan Zeb
Cover by Meghan Zeb
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When I woke in the gray light of dawn, I forgot that I had dreamed of my death. I burrowed deeper under my comforter, rolled over, and came face to face with my husband. The familiar rush of discontent and other confused feelings washed through me.
I felt like I still loved my husband in some ways and definitely our son Christopher, but I couldn’t help wishing some things were different. In the kitchen, I measured out my favorite coffee and let it brew as I ate a couple of handfuls of dry cereal. Snow fell outside, thick and fast, and I didn’t relish driving in it to get to work.
As I munched on my cereal, I reflected on the past few months. My job continues to be mundane and when I’m there I can hardly wait to get home. When I’m home, I’m mostly happy to just sit and play with Christopher. Lately, though, I can’t help wondering what my life would be like if I’d known what I had wanted when I was in college, or if I had traveled to all the places I wanted to see. So many of my friends have been able to do just that, but I was one of the first to get married, have a child, and settle down. I feel some regret at marrying Mark so early, but how could I have known my outlook on life would shift? That twinge of longing had increased its intensity lately making me question things in my life.