Your life, your roots, your way

By Jim HD


Dear diary it's a long time since I have written in you last and I'm sorry for that but I have made so much until now, my life has just been a way down to the underworld for my brain. I actually haven’t had it so bad since my dad died, I'm 18 now. I don't know why I did like to write In you again but I just did, I just Thought it would help me to get somethings written down on paper. but know to something I have written in you before I'm still a boy and I still would love to be a girl, but I haven't told my mom although I have had 8 years to do it. It's maybe because I still are afraid for what she would say. And yes fear is still my biggest problem. I have been afraid my entire life always afraid I think it's one of the things my dad did pass on me he was always so afraid. And because of there were so many things I wasn’t allowed to do, like swimming my dad never did it because he did thought that when you did go in the water then you would die. But I still did swim when I was on the beach whit my friends or just my mom, and that was the reason my mom and I did survive the car crash, when my mom did drive in to the water. But anyway my dad did speak the truth when he said you would die if you go in the water, it just wasn’t me it was him he was the one how died because of it, but if I think about it then I think that he had survived if he just had learned to swim. I'm sorry that he didn’t but it was his problem not mine.


Today I made a new Friend her name is Alice she is 17 years old she is as broken as I am. I don't know why she did start to speak to me, when she did start on my school but I'm glad she did because she is sweat. She did tell me that she did lose he mom and he uncle when he dad did drive in to another car. She and he dad was the only ones how survived because they where the only ones to use seat belts. In the other car where to boys and there mom.


Today Alice and I where out swimming and I told her about how my dad passed away. She started to crying but I told he that I had passed on. But I knew I haven’t but of course it's only 4 years ago now. Se did tell me that she did lose he mom as only 11. and because of that I did become crying to.

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