“For the record, can you state your name, address and date of birth?”

“Tracy Atkins, 42 London Road, 5th March 1987.”

“Can you start at the beginning please?”

I can remember the first time I ever set eyes on Trey Logan. He was a guest panelist on a show called Yes Sir can I have some more? A crude quiz show that had little to no merit to it. Personally I think it was beneath Trey but without him being on it he wouldnt have come into my life. When I first saw him I couldnt believe how lovely he was. The way he looked, the tone of his voice, everything in that short space of time he was in my bedroom through the television, made me realize I was in love.

It doesnt take much to make my heart melt. I was in a dead end job with no prospects, I had no boyfriend to speak of and I had no friends. All I do have is my bedroom and my TV and my laptop. My parents annoy me so after dinner I go to my room, switch on my TV and laptop and spend my evenings glued to either. My only friends on Facebook are my family and the only people who follow me on Twitter are those big breasted blondes whose bios contain information on how they like to get wet.

When Trey came into my life, it was almost magical, like every time I thought about him I thought I was going to faint or if I saw a picture of him I would blush so red I could feel my cheeks burning. My work colleagues took the piss outta me saying things like Why would he want to go out with YOU? and He likes skinny girls and they would shove a photo of Trey leaving a nightclub with a skinny blonde in my face and it hurt. It might as well be a knife in my face. I know I wasnt skinny but if I ever met Trey he would fall in love with me from just looking at me, like love at first sight or something, he would overlook all my bumps and bad hair and the first thing he would say to me would be Tracy Atkins, will you do me the honor of being my wife? How he would know my name without meeting me beforehand is something I put down to destiny. We would be in a party, surrounded by people, the room would be so crowded but from across the room he would see me and slowly he would make his way through the crowd to ask me to marry him. I, of course, would say yes and we would leave the party and live happily ever after.

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