Recovery is a Wonderland
A story of redemption, rebirth and filling the void within...
Copyright Eve Marie 2010-2012. This free ebook may be copied, distributed, reposted, reprinted and shared, provided it appears in its entirety without alteration, and the reader is not charged to access it.. Register for an online 12 Step Workshop at Stepworkshop.com
On Super Bowl Sunday of 1983, a major turning point occurred in my life when I walked into a 7-11 convenience store. They were selling a certain brand of beer that I liked for the first time in the state of Florida, so I bought a couple of six packs to celebrate. Why do I remember that occasion so well? Once I started drinking on that day, I was not able to stop. It was as if I had crossed an invisible line that had always been there; my descent into the abyss began. The abyss was the dark void of pain, shame, fear and loneliness that had always existed within me. Drinking alcohol somehow made everything bearable, it anesthetized my feelings and let me forget my fears.
Soon I was in complete seclusion, isolating in my apartment. By then, drinking had become my entire life. I lived to drink and drank to live. Alcohol became my lover, best friend and confident. Nothing else mattered, except having another drink in my hand. At times I would try to stop. Professional therapy, rehab, antabuse, controlled drinking, sheer willpower, substituting drugs for drinking, hospitalizations. Nothing worked. I had become a prisoner of my own making.
On Saturday, July 23, 1988, I started drinking at noon, by six that night I was in a black-out. I woke up on Tuesday morning with a doctor leaning over me, in the Intensive Care Unit of a local hospital. The doctor said I had taken all my pain pills and was very lucky to be alive.