I wrote this because it is someone’s real life.
This is for the lovely ones.
You are not alone.
* * * *
Things are getting worse. I’m dying inside. Life isn’t worth living. I know it sounds like something somebody on TV would say, but I can relate. I really can. It feels kinda like a blow-up toy with a tiny pinhole in it and it’s slowly losing air.
That’s how I feel. I am Invisible Girl, and the end is near. Very near.
April 1: This morning I went to school with bloodshot eyes again. I’m waiting for someone to ask me if I’m doing drugs or if I’m just hung over every morning. My Spanish teacher looked at me funny when I walked into her class. I tried not to look her in the eye and to walk past her without speaking, but she stopped me. She made me look at her before going to my seat. She raised her left eyebrow. When class was over, I slipped out first, right when the bell rang so she wouldn’t ask me any questions.
If things at home were peaceful, I might look normal. Well, they don’t have to be peaceful. Things could be cordial. Yeah, cordial would be acceptable. At this point, anything besides the hell, I mean drama, in my house would work. My sixteenth birthday is coming up soon. There’s no need for me to get excited about it. I don’t get excited about anything anymore.
April 13: The last sixteen years here have been hell. My birthday was yesterday and so far, being sixteen sucks. Well, every year here sucks, but this last year has been the worst. I didn’t have a party or hang out with my friends. It’s not like I expected them to throw me one, I just didn’t expect to spend my birthday crying because my parents were “at it” again. They have a way of ruining everything. I told them I wanted to go out with my boyfriend, Benjamin. I don’t know what they thought would happen, but Pops was dead set against it. All we’d planned to do was go to the pizza place two miles from here. Carla, my best friend, was going to meet us there. That’s all. They just wanted to hang out with me. He’s ridiculous and I hate him more and more every day. (I didn’t know that was even possible.) Happy Birthday to me.