Results May Vary
You cheap bastard. Chances are pretty good you've never read one of my books before but, as soon as I release one that is free, here you sit reading away on my dime. You almost deserve the stupidity that follows.
What you don't realize is that you've walked into a trap. You see if you're one of those people who look at the magazines populating the little racks above the candy while checking out at the grocery store and get the feeling that you crash landed on this planet then you might actually enjoy some of the stories in this book. If you get the urge to hoist the trembling fist at the seemingly innocent publications dedicated to showcasing winning smiles and vapid dramas then you'll probably enjoy a lot of them. If you are constantly filled with the urge to drive your thumbs into the eye sockets of the empty-headed whore-of-the-month featured on the cover ... now we're talking.
Don't get me wrong though, I am not looking to assemble an audience of purely outcasts and misfits. Generally those people are creepy and have dubious personal hygiene. I'm looking for the almost-normal out there. The goal being to stimulate their inner-weirdness so I can feel better about the dumb stuff going on between my own ears.
So I can feel like it's not just me.
Plus, the trap I mentioned earlier is to get you interested in my writing so you'll cough up for my other books. To do that it helps if you have the ability to get a job and blend in with the rest of the glossy-magazine-buying population.