The Guiri has lived in The Lecrin Valley, Andalucia for many years and has been writing this advice column for The Fluffy Blanket magazine as part of his rehabilitation programme and community service. His unusual – and sometimes offensive – views of the world around him do not represent those of The Fluffy Blanket.

Due to an avalanche of complaints – both written by the same person – Ask The Guiri: The Guiri’s Guide to Life has been suspended until he can write in a less offensive manner. The Guiri wishes to thank all his readers for their support (even the weirdos) and apologizes for losing his temper occasionally.

The truly indignant, desperate, or bored can contact The Guiri at

1. fitting in

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