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by Rick Johnson


I sit here in what my protector calls a Shinto Shrine. He says that if I write down what I think and feel, I will heal faster and remember more. But he also says that if I give him sex I will heal faster and he looks human and dresses like the ones who hurt me and so I don’t believe most of what he tells me. But I find that the more I write, the easier it is. I burned the first dozen pages because they looked like animal marks and he had to show me how to use the brush and what letters were and how they formed words and he made me ink and brushes and even pens which are easier than the brushes but not as beautiful. There is so much to remember but the more I talk and write the easier it is.

Me. I don’t know who I am. He says that I am a Weir and was made by Demons to be a worker-slave for them or maybe my parents were made to be workers but my grandparents were probably human and that is an uncomfortable thought to consider when I remember what the humans did to me and my family.

I remember being on a table, surrounded by humans wearing masks and bright lights and not being able to move and knives and pain and blood and darkness and questions I could not answer and beatings and pain and more knives.

They told me that I was evil and dangerous and it was my duty to help them destroy my family and friends and they were hurting me for my own good then when I couldn’t answer, the pain started again and the knives.

They were afraid of me and hurt me to learn what I was. I could estann others like me crying and screaming and once a girl, very young, a child, being taken screaming past me, tied to a bed with wheels while humans in mottled brown and green carrying guns followed then later she stopped screaming and when she was taken past me, she had her throat wrapped up and was trying to scream but couldn’t and she was in so much pain it hurt me to be near her and the humans didn’t care. They did something to her to stop her from screaming but they didn’t do that to me because they wanted me to tell them something I didn’t know.

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