Three racehorses are in their stalls, just chatting it up. The first horse says, “You know, in my last ten races, I have won five of them.”
The second racehorse then speaks up and says, “That’s pretty good, but in my last fifteen races, I have won ten of them.”
The third racehorse finally speaks up and says, “That is really good. Did you know that in my last twenty races, I have won fifteen of them?”
All the while, off in the corner of the stables is a Greyhound dog, just relaxing and listening to them. So he pipes up and says, “All of you are really good. You really are. But of my last twenty-five races, I have won all twenty-five of them.”
All three horses just stand their with their mouths open in utter shock at what they just heard. Finally, after a long moment of silence, the first horse gives himself a shake and says, “Oh my God! A talking dog!”
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and that he should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back, and again, he is stopped by the same police officer, who says, "Hey! I thought I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."