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Introduction



The one question I'm constantly asked is "what do people get out of controlling others and why do they do it?" To which I can only reply "How long is a piece of string?" In other words who knows and who cares. Humans are not consumer products whereby you know what you are getting by reading the label. If they were, there'd be little crime, murder or abusive behaviors because as soon as we met a person their traits would immediately be known and we could avoid getting involved with them. Unfortunately, in the real world understanding others' behavior is a bit more difficult.

Think about it – when you go for a job interview do you reveal your true colors when they ask you to tell them about yourself? Would you say "Well I'm a nightmare first thing in the morning until I get my caffeine hit," "I hate being told what to do," or "if I wasn't so desperate for money there's no way I would have even applied for this job." I doubt it very much because how we all survive in this world is by role playing. Pretending to be who we aren't. We all do it and you don't need to see research statistics to know this is true. Most of us hide behind different personas depending on our environment. If we can agree on this point let's move on to why the controllers motives are irrelevant.

If someone is controlling because of one reason or another, do you think that makes their behavior acceptable, because they have a reason for it? Will your suffering be any less because the person trying to control you is doing it because:

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