Words Are Stupid
By John Cheese
Copyright 2013 by John Cheese
This book is for your personal use and enjoyment. It may not be reproduced commercially without the express written consent of the author.
To understand the reason for this near surreal collection of quotes, you need to understand where I'm coming from as a human. I won't bore you with my life story or tales of childhood misery because, quite frankly, who gives a crap? But every bizarre thought that enters my head can be summed up by one pivotal moment that took place at the official end of my adolescence:
I never dated in high school. I had a girlfriend or two, but I never actually went through the whole "go out to eat, now go to a movie, rinse and repeat" process. The very last day of graduation, I finally decided to go on one. The girl I took out was someone I was interested in, but it was so close to the beginning stages of a relationship, that I couldn't even categorize us as friends. The point is, every impression counted.
I didn't have a car, but she did, so she picked me up at my dad's place. My dad, happy to hear that I wasn't "some fucking queer" wanted to meet her. What could two minutes hurt? Sure, why not?
About 15 seconds after sitting down, my dad's gigantic black lab walked up and jammed his nose in her crotch. Horrified, I pushed him away, and my dad let loose a beer-tainted laugh, explaining, "He does that to women sometimes. Especially if they're on their period." I got up and grabbed my coat and said, "Ok, then. Time to go?" She agreed pretty quickly.