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Out of Darkness

The Journey to Hope

Bruce Van Dusen

©Copyright 2010 Bruce Van Dusen

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ISBN: 978-1-60414-176-4

Chapter 1

I’m thinking about suicide, again. I haven’t slept indoors in weeks. I know I haven’t eaten much of anything for a couple of days. I’ve had the same pants on for more than two weeks, and I haven’t shaved or bathed in well over a week.

I’m hallucinating, again. I keep seeing this Board of Directors, led by God, that keep saying I’m not worthy of help. They seem to want to keep me down in this awful mess I’m in now.

I don’t see anything to cause me to hope. Everything I try doesn’t seem to have any effect on my condition. What is my condition?

The doctors have told me for years I have mental illness. I have schizophrenia and alcoholism. I’ve been taking some pills I received when I stumbled into the San Francisco General Hospital a couple of days ago. Or, was it today? I don’t know. I can’t seem to keep track of time.

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