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Are You Sitting Comfortably?

By Eddie Heaton


The door bell chimed for the third time in as many minutes. That would be Tom. She really must remember to get him his own key. She put the plate of healthy vegetarian snacks down on the occasional table between Connie and Jeff, danced over to the door and opened it with a joyous flourish, expecting to see Tom there with that cheeky grin on his face. But it was Lawrence. She’d forgotten about him.

“Oh! Hi Lawrence,” She said, failing to hide her disappointment.

“Hello Megan.”

He was a tall, burly man and had to stoop to kiss her on the cheek which he did rather clumsily before handing her a bottle of red wine and two packets of mince pies.

“Two for t’ price o’ one!” He said.

“Yes.” She said.

Great minds think alike.

She put these latest offerings down next to the two bottles of red wine and four packets of mince pies that were already nestling between the kettle and her toaster. All three of her guests then had stopped at the same Tesco’s, bought the same brand of cheap red wine – the one that was on special offer - and then grabbed two packets of mince pies on the way out as an afterthought - unquestionable proof of the effectiveness of point of sale advertising.

She took Lawrence’s coat and ushered him in with the others where he kissed Connie as clumsily as he had Megan and then shook Jeffrey’s hand, almost breaking it in the process.

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