This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters and incidents portrayed in this story are either products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Photos or artwork are included as complementary visuals.

Chapter 1

Juliet Stiffs Romeo

THE THICK, fluorescent green dildo started to vibrate in his grasp. It was supple and flexible, fleshy and long. It was a giant penis and he was embarrassed holding it. He dropped the gaudy thing on the glass counter to the clerk’s surprise.

“She’ll love it, absolutely love it. It comes with batteries, an instruction DVD and an illustration pamphlet.”

“It’s for my training partner,” Carl Kendall nervously looked around the adult novelty store.

“Nothing goes unsaid around here. Would you like the big thing gift wrapped?”

You don’t understand, it’s a joke, he just graduated from law school and I thought this thing was appropriate.”

“What, screwing him?” the Gothic clerk said. “The price is one fifty. You want to use a credit card or pay cash?”

He pulled out a tight roll of one hundred dollar bills from his jacket pocket and looked at the young sales clerk. Her spiked Peter Pan hair was dyed purple on the left side and orange on the right. Carl didn’t mind the black lip-gloss, but those silver studs, there were too many of them. One pierced her left brow ridge, one poked through each nostril, three were in the middle of her tongue and six gold loops decorated each ear. Another silver stud punctuated the right side of her chin. Her moon face was adorable but the hardware had to go. That lisp she had was irritating, but at least it was a distraction for Carl the aged bodybuilder, taking his attention away from the dildo.

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