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Chapter 1

Going Bananas


Lady Baji has no secrets. She rips off her clothes and runs outside into the woods shouting loudly, ‘I have no fear.’ Well, that’s what we call courage; courage in its pure form, and the woods just can’t resist being in love with that kind of courage. Meanwhile Durrani Sahab is playing with his toy in the garage of Haseena.


Durrani Sahab is in love. His first and last love has been the same since ages. He likes no alterations, cause his love alters when it alteration finds. How pathetically convenient is that! He plays with his toy and hums, ‘Hit hai bhai! Hit hai!’ And it’s not just that, he’s also giving lessons to all the ladies in the vicinity, which revolves around the point of maximum pleasure. Yes, he is some cool guy. Even the woods are literally begging him to give some juicy lessons.


Haseena gets jealous whenever Durrani Sahab diverts his attention towards the woods and the ladies. She’s disgusted by her jealousy. One day, she decides to leave Durrani Sahab and makes love with the woods. The woods go ‘crazily romantica’. That experience is beyond any human’s naughty imagination. So, use all your imagination. It can help you a little maybe. The woods know that Haseena is no ordinary being, so they have elated her to the level of a duchess, that is, no ordinary duchess but the Duchess of the Woodland where Haseena walks over the ass of Lady Baji all the time. And Durrani Sahab has been forgotten; he is no longer the ‘Hit’ lover boy. He has been locked in a cage with the Dragon Eye that sets fire at Durrani Sahab’s lethal weapon day and night.


Alisha is utterly bored of this entire episode of Haseena and Durrani Sahab. She believes sex is somehow being exploited, but she wants to sound all ‘shareef’ (naïve) as is the norm to pretend. So, she goes on shouting at the top of her voice that “life is all about good fuck and cooking, better not waste your time on bitching. Before censor board comes in the picture, discover cute toys and wicked joys and let everyone rejoice. This will certainly help in dispelling some of the myths.”

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