While I was learning Raja’s culture, my feelings were running amok, as I found myself having feelings for two men at the same time. I had been fully drilled into Raja’s culture. Sex before marriage was not a requirement, unlike in our Western and European culture, which I prefer, since sex adds spice to a relationship and the lack of it can poison it; the wait may end in disappointment for both parties.
The sacredness of my body was the least of my problems.
My inner feelings were swaying in the direction of the Indian doctor. Was “out of sight out of mind” playing with my emotions? Joseph was becoming more of a memory than a boyfriend. My Christian upbringing taught me many things, one of which was if you need to make a crucial decision, seek divine guidance. If your faith is strong enough, you will act accordingly.
My world was almost shattered when I had a disturbing dream. It said in part: “Choose the one your heart tells you, in choosing do not ignore any signals shown to you by your partner during your marriage.” Confusion had become my constant companion. I had this terrible feeling that some- thing bad would end the relationship prematurely with the man I chose.
I spoke to my girlfriend Carole about what the dream meant, and she took me to an African woman who interpreted dreams. These words will linger in my mind until death:
“Choose the man you love. You can only love one person at a time, so do not ignore any signals that exhibit unhappiness from the man you choose, otherwise unhappiness will follow your path.”
Fate seemed to be conspiring with my future plans. I got a call from Joseph advising me he has been granted one-year scholarship at a Law University in London and he would be arriving at Heath-row Airport in one week. Was I happy? I don’t know: my selfish thoughts took over my sense of reasoning.
Frankly, I did not want to lose either of the men at that time. I wanted to do my own choosing at my own pace, but life is not structured like that, putting other people’s lives on hold to suit our own selfish reason
That is despicable and should be avoided. I told Raja of Joseph’s intention, and I suggested that they meet each other and let them surmise the situation, let God do the choosing for us. He agreed. Raja was such an understanding person that I wished there was no choice to make.