My world was almost shattered when I had a disturbing dream. It said in part: “Choose the one your heart tells you, in choosing do not ignore any signals shown to you by your partner during your marriage.” Confusion had become my constant companion. I had this terrible feeling that some- thing bad would end the relationship prematurely with the man I chose.
I spoke to my girlfriend Carole about what the dream meant, and she took me to an African woman who interpreted dreams. These words will linger in my mind until death: “Choose the man you love. You can only love one person at a time, so do not ignore any signals that exhibit unhappiness from the man you choose, otherwise unhappiness will follow your path.”
Fate seemed to be conspiring with my future plans. I got a call from Joseph advising me he has been granted one-year scholarship at a Law University in London and he would be arriving at Heathrow Airport in one week. Was I happy? I don’t know: my selfish thoughts took over my sense of reasoning.
Frankly, I did not want to lose either of the men at that time. I wanted to do my own choosing at my own pace, but life is not structured like that, putting other people’s lives on hold to suit our own selfish reason
That is despicable and should be avoided. I told Raja of Joseph’s intention, and I suggested that they meet each other and let them surmise the situation, let God do the choosing for us. He agreed. Raja was such an understanding person that I wished there was no choice to make.
Joseph arrived. I met him at the airport and took him to the hotel provided by his sponsors: he had arranged that I could stay with him at the hotel. We chatted for hours over glasses of red Italian wine. During the conversation I told him every detail about Raja. He showed an interest in meeting him, which happened the following day. I discovered that I cared a lot for Raja and was falling in love with him and had no desire to have a sexual encounter with another man. My immediate fear was sleeping in the same room and bed with Joseph at a time when my sexual desires was at a peak of vulnerability. To succumb to that desire would shatter the belief I had in my own strength of resisting temptation, and my love for Raja.