“Where are you going Kate?” asked a watcher.
“I want to sleep on the deck.”
“No you won't. You will sleep where others are.”
“But it's warm enough.”
“Obey and go back to the rest.”
“Okay.” I was upset but went back under the deck. There was a big room with wooden beds where people slept. I found my bed and went to sleep. I couldn’t sleep because it was hot like hell and they wouldn’t let me go upstairs. I closed my eyes and hoped everything’s going to be okay.
“Poor girl,” said a woman.
The next day I again tried to sleep on deck, but I couldn’t. I wanted to throw myself over board! I don’t want to sleep there! At night you hear everything – people talking in sleep, snoring, some people smell because they don’t wash up,… and with them I must sleep, I don’t even speak to them.
Someone got seasick. I think his name was Joe. It was raining outside, so everyone has to be downstairs. Joe started to throw up, coughing, sneezing, heating and he had a hallucinations. He looked to others and me. He looked me as he wanted to say “poor child.” Some people were beside him – probably the ones who knew him. The Captain told some people to clean the room and he personally examined Joe. After a week it was still raining. More than ever. Joe was feeing worse. He died that night. Some keepers came downstairs and lift Joe with his bed and throw him overboard. They said: “amen” and we repeated the word. Strange silence was that day. Everyone was mourning, even me who didn’t know Joe.
After a month we finally saw the land. I was excited but I was the only one. I thought the nightmare was over. But I was the only one who thought so. Again they were feeling sorry for me. I started questioning if hell is waiting for me?!