Interview with Austin Malcome

When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
I'm a very simple person. I visit my local library on a daily basis. I hang out with my wife and my little brother. We play tabletop RPG's. I like to cook. I'm just a very boring homebody.
What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
Work. It took me a very long time to decide what I wanted to do with my life, and I have a lot of lost time to make up for.
How do you discover the ebooks you read?
I'm on several different Facebook groups for writers, so I can always find awesome books.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Oh, yes I do. I believe it was called "The Horse That Broke The Sky." I wrote it as part of a young author's competition in second grade. My teacher, Mrs. Scott of Washington Elementary, was an absolutely darling woman. She had the patience of a saint. For the young author's competition, she carefully trimmed and folded sheets of copy paper to make booklets-one for each child in her class. She made a cover for each booklet out of laminated construction paper, and reinforced the binding with duct tape. She even hand-lettered the title of each book personally, with a permanent marker.

Anyway.

So the story was about an obese horse. He was so fat that his hooves caused tremors that shattered the brick walls that supported the sky. The sky tore apart, and the horse was subsequently pelted by rainbows. The rainbow-shower crushed him to death. Then a crazy woman in a tiny car drove up and gutted the dead horse, shoved a sharp spit into his corpse and roasted him over an open fire. She used her feet to rotate the spit, and slowly cooked the horse in order to render out the fat, which she used to flavor her stew.

So, it was pretty much the same kind of thing I write now.

I drew little pictures in it with pens and colored pencils. They were pretty graphic; I remember putting lots of effort into the color. I wanted to make sure that the horse's dead body looked bruised enough. Y'know, from the rainbows. On the last page I drew the random crazy lady, with the horse's head mounted on the wall. He had big X's over his eyes, and his tongue lolled out of his mouth.

Epic.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Oh, yes I do. I believe it was called "The Horse That Broke The Sky." I wrote it as part of a young author's competition in second grade. My teacher, Mrs. Scott of Washington Elementary, was an absolutely darling woman. She had the patience of a saint. For the young author's competition, she carefully trimmed and folded sheets of copy paper to make booklets-one for each child in her class. She made a cover for each booklet out of laminated construction paper, and reinforced the binding with duct tape. She even hand-lettered the title of each book personally, with a permanent marker.

Anyway.

So the story was about an obese horse. He was so fat that his hooves caused tremors that shattered the brick walls that supported the sky. The sky tore apart, and the horse was subsequently pelted by rainbows. The rainbow-shower crushed him to death. Then a crazy woman in a tiny car drove up and gutted the dead horse, shoved a sharp spit into his corpse and roasted him over an open fire. She used her feet to rotate the spit, and slowly cooked the horse in order to render out the fat, which she used to flavor her stew.

So, it was pretty much the same kind of thing I write now.

I drew little pictures in it with pens and colored pencils. They were pretty graphic; I remember putting lots of effort into the color. I wanted to make sure that the horse's dead body looked bruised enough. Y'know, from the rainbows. On the last page I drew the random crazy lady, with the horse's head mounted on the wall. He had big X's over his eyes, and his tongue lolled out of his mouth.

Epic.
What is your writing process?
Do I have a process? I guess I do. My process is still evolving. I kind of just sit down and write, and see what happens. I write until I can't write anymore, and then I think and think and think about what I wrote, and try to figure out what happens next. When I'm working on something, I become completely obsessive.

I usually don't create an outline until I need one. My outlines are usually very simple; I just try to work out what I want to put in the story, and what I need to put into the story and then I try to find a way to put the pieces together. Ive tried cretaing an outline first and building the story around it, but I hate working that way. It feels too much like work!
Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
Oh, wow. No. I've always been a voracious reader. The first book that I remember really getting into, if you discount Dr. Seuss and books about dinosaurs, was "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" by Roald Dahl. I bought a copy of Michael Crichton's "Jurassic Park" at a rummage sale when I was seven, and I took that book with me everywhere. If my Mom had known what was in that book, she would have taken it away! Fortunately for me, she didn't.
How do you approach cover design?
I love graphics and design. Each cover is different, depending on the intent and the work. I'm a cartoonist-not a great cartoonist, but a cartoonist nevertheless-but my cartoon styles aren't always appropriate for the material. I do a lot of image manipulation. I enjoy composition and collage, moving elements around until they mesh.
What are your five favorite books, and why?
That's impossible! I have to pick five? Only five? I can try I guess........

"Borgel" by Daniel Manus Pinkwater
This book is just perfect. It's random and strange and adventurous and surprising. This one definitely belongs in the top five.

"The Phantom Tollbooth" by Norton Juster
Another classic. A boy and his dog facing down an army of demons in a tiny little car? I'm in.

There's a tie for this next coveted space: "Dune" by Frank Herbert vs. Isaac Aasimov's "Foundation" trilogy. Both of these epics feature brave people struggling in a human-populated galaxy. I love them both.

"Snow Crash" by Neil Stephenson
The Deliverator doesn't need to make lists. The Deliverator just does what he does.

"The Lord of the Rings" by J.R.R. Tolkien
Yeah, I know, I'm a cliche fanboy nerd. I just love these books. I'm still waiting for a decent film adaptation, and I hope that one will come out before I die. But I doubt it.
What do you read for pleasure?
Everything. I read and read and read. At any given moment, I'm reading six different books. I read a few pages of this, then a few pages of that. I have a very short attention span, and I have trouble finding a book that will grab me and not let go. I like science fiction, especially cyberpunk (both REAL Cyberpunk (with a capital 'C') and the sort of soft branded cliche stuff that was marketed as cyberpunk.)
I read nonfiction too, especially books about writing.
What is your e-reading device of choice?
Google Nexus 7.
What book marketing techniques have been most effective for you?
Well, I have yet to sell any, but when I do I'll let you know what worked.
What are you working on next?
It's a children's book titled "The Adventures of Urquhart Flomit and Emily the Jumbo Sized Chub of Freshly Frozen Ground Beef slash Possible Yugoslavian Ice Caterpillar. " It's about a boy and a chunk of frozen meat.
Published 2016-05-16.
Smashwords Interviews are created by the profiled author, publisher or reader.

Books by This Author

Detective Police: Nudest Squad Case #0069: "Kummy Faceman"
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,500. Language: English. Published: December 3, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
CASEFILE #0069 CRIMINAL: KUMMY FACEMAN. The brave naked detective police of the elite Nudest Squad must stop a bad Russian crime boss person from doing evil Russia stuff. The stakes are high and the outlook is grim, but the Nudest Squad is here to save the day. They'll fight, they'll shoot, they'll do unnatural things with cream-based soups. Whatever it takes, these cops will get Kummy.
The Escapades of Urquhart Flomit Starring Emily, the Jumbo Sized Chub of Freshly Frozen Ground Beef slash Possible Yugoslavian Ice Caterpillar
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 16,300. Language: English. Published: November 15, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
Urquhart Flomit has a mission: to incubate a rare Yugoslavian Ice Caterpillar, which may or may not be a giant wad of frozen ground beef covered with glitter. With the help of a used walrus salesman, Urquhart will fight talking mooses, meatball chefs, and lunatic zoo keepers.
Intangible Tales of Nothing
Price: Free! Words: 7,320. Language: English. Published: November 2, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - single author
A man tattooed with spiders, a melted lump of VHS tapes, fat flamingos with enormous breasts and a talking stop sign are all standing around and waiting for you to find them in "Intangible Tales of Nothing."
Chocolate Flarm
Series: Chocolate Flarm. Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 9,170. Language: English. Published: March 7, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy/Humor, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
An immature story with mature content. Cheeserotica (noun): a subgenre of erotic fiction involving sex with talking cheeses. Hipsters fight over tapas. A wandering enema salesman will ruin your day. Both of these sentences would be great in a fortune cookie, and both sentences describe the antics in this book. Explicit, absurd, hilarious and kind of gross--this is Chocolate Flarm.
7 Days of Psychic Self-Surgery
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 11,060. Language: English. Published: January 15, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Storyteller Austin Malcome delivers a beautiful tale of hideous horrors in this weird countdown to Endsday. Dark, disturbing and delightfully bizarre, this is a story of deformation, demons, delusions, insubstantiality and the power of art.
Roger Has Episodes
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 13,410. Language: English. Published: June 22, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - single author
Roger stories are Roger Stories, and that's all they are. This box set contains the first three books of Roger stories--that's twelve painful, mind breaking injections of absurd Roger-ness, distilled into one giant shot of Roger-icity.
Widdle Bits of Woger
Series: Roger Stories. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,600. Language: English. Published: June 20, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
Roger stories are Roger stories. See Roger try, see Roger die, see Roger in yourself. This is the third volume of brief absurd violent messy Roger stories.
More Roger Stories
Series: Roger Stories. You set the price! Words: 4,360. Language: English. Published: March 20, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Themes & motifs » Psychological
Here is an e-book. It's full of Roger Stories. Each Roger Story is a short collection of sentences. Each sentence is a short collection of words. Each word is made of letters. Letters are neat. There are five super-short stories here, and each story involves menthol cough drops.
I Love Big Butts, and Her Butt Was the Biggest: An American Love Story
Price: Free! Words: 4,080. Language: English. Published: February 9, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Romance » Action/adventure, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
(5.00 from 1 review)
What is love? Baby don't hurt me. It's a story as old as humanity: boy meets girl, boy scrubs pigeon crap out of girl's toes, girl runs away to Mexico.
Dr. Bloch's Great Momentosphere Episode #3
Series: Dr. Bloch's Great Momentosphere: The Continuing Adventures. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,250. Language: English. Published: February 5, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Science fiction » Steampunk & retropunk
(5.00 from 1 review)
Strange things are afoot aboard the Great Momentosphere. During a prolonged stay in the Void, Beecher Skotte begins to see impossible things. Is he hallucinating? What has happened to Dr. Bloch? And who is the mysterious floating man?
Dr. Bloch's Great Momentosphere Episode #2
Series: Dr. Bloch's Great Momentosphere: The Continuing Adventures. You set the price! Words: 8,600. Language: English. Published: January 28, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Steampunk & retropunk, Fiction » Adventure » General
(5.00 from 1 review)
The Great Momentosphere is a fantastic space-time vehicle. Unfortunately, it's destination cannot be predicted or controlled. Where will Dr. Bloch and Lt. Skotte wind up next? "Dr. Bloch's Great Momentosphere" is a fun, free-wheeling series in the style of the grand old pulp magazines. Move towards the Exit!
The Unobservant Trucker
Price: Free! Words: 2,030. Language: English. Published: January 2, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
This super-short story is about nothing and has no meaning. There is some business about a semi truck and Rush Limbaugh.
A Tiny Book of Roger Stories
Series: Roger Stories. You set the price! Words: 3,710. Language: English. Published: December 13, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Themes & motifs » Psychological, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
This short collection of four Roger Stories is an e-book. Download it now, so that it can sit on your device and clutter it up for awhile, and then some day you'll read it and be like, "What?" Roger Stories are Roger Stories, and that is that.
Dr. Bloch's Great Momentosphere Episode #1
Series: Dr. Bloch's Great Momentosphere: The Continuing Adventures. You set the price! Words: 12,670. Language: English. Published: November 19, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
(5.00 from 2 reviews)
Determined to find the man who designed his clockwork prostethis, Lt. Beecher Skotte journeys deep into the remote mountains of Asia. However, his pursuit of the genius inventor Dr. Sheridan Bloch will change the course of his life forever.
The Noo Advenshurs of Tom Thumb
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 26,550. Language: English. Published: May 13, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
(5.00 from 1 review)
Tom Thumb is eighteen years old, three inches tall, and in trouble. This modern take on the classic fairy tale takes Tom Thumb into a surrealistic dystopia known only as 'the City.' He'll need all of his wits, a lot of luck, and the help of some strange companions to survive. Bizarre, unnerving, and unforgettable, The Noo Advenshurs of Tom Thumb is a classic fairy tale, updated for a cynical age.