There is no joy in writing...Next...Christ I need a drink, even though I'm currently drinking whiskey.
How has Smashwords contributed to your success?
Not one Goddamn bit as of yet for success I have not yet had. But there's always tomorrow...Damn that's depressing isn't it. Support team is good though and, ironically, very supportive. Also it seems a site that cares about the writer, rather than just a corporate behemoth seeking profit. But I have hope, you've got to have "Hope".
Who are your favorite authors?
Fine, that I'll answer. Never great but, almost, always good, dude, your later years, should have put the pen down, Vonnegut. Favorite novel, Tin Drum, though Gunter, dude, why, on God's wretched earth were you so sadistically evil to unleash all that other CRAP you wrote. I like Becket's Malone Dies. That's entirely it. Literally no others whatsoever.
What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
Absolutely fuckin nothing. Hey, this is New Year's Eve so question. For the love of the non-existent God, the friggin thing just ended, must we really start a new one?
What are you working on next?
Destroying the world's entire computer network after this horrific Q&A session.
When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
Drunk off my ass. Are you asking me out or something, question generator, computeresh, thingy? You are kind of my type so...
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Why yes, I remember it fondly. A touching, heartfelt, romantic tale about...Um, I don't remember 30 seconds ago when I, I...Touching, heartfelt romantic tale? Who the hell wrote that crap?
Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
Why yes, Whinnie the Pooh. Eyor. That's a dude of a donkey. A dude of a donkey that dude he be. But Rabbit, really Rabbit, shut the fuck up. And I do not, being a Vegan, tell rabbits to shut the fuck up, but still, dude, shut the fuckin hell up.
How do you approach cover design?
Do it myself. Don't want someone else's art.
What are your five favorite books, and why?
Pride and Prejudice, anything Austen or Patterson, though that, of course, should be obvious.
Describe your desk
What the fuck are you talking about? Describe my fuckin desk. What are you, branching out from being a horrible question asking thingy to being an interior decorator? Oh I'm sorry for saying that, you're not a horrible question asking thingy. You're a wonderful question asking thingy. A desk I haveth not...Um, we're still on for next Tuesday right?
Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
Antartica. And it influenced my writing in the sense that I had to burn all my writing just to stay warm. Burning all my writing, a sentiment I'm sure many would support. But you ever try to burn an ebook. Exceedingly difficult.
Smashwords Interviews are created by the profiled author, publisher or reader.