Interview with D'Artagnan Bloodhawke

Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
Mr. D’Artagnan Bloodhawke is a Yaghan, born of royal blood, and claims the title of 37th Duke of D’Ar. His family tree can be traced back from the ninth century to the Archipelago of Tierra del Fuego; specifically, the island of Cape Horn—which overlooks the Strait of Magellan—where Duke Bloodhawke still resides to this day on his royal Dukedom with his older Yaghan sister, Katscan.

Duke Bloodhawke is a citizen of the world, equally dividing his time (50%) between summer stays at his dukedom on Cape Horn, living a pastoral lifestyle, herding livestock; and, on his winter estate (62% of his time)—which is on one of the floating islands in Lake Titicaca, in southern Peru—where his express and sole purpose is to escape taxes; and finally (another 73% of his time), traveling extensively to rural havens with his pet snake, Oscar, and enjoying the local activities such as: snow skiing down the Left Bank in Paris dressed in a bunny suit; actually participating (as one of the combatants) in the world renowned chicken fights in Barcelona while imbibing copious amounts of his favorite libation, Wild Turkey Bourbon; and swimming nude (with only orange, rubber, swim flippers on) in the Oceanario de Lisboa Aquarium.

Among the Duke’s varied accomplishments, the top five that he is most proud of, are:
1) being born
2) being able to breathe
3) simultaneously understanding and speaking English (his only language, to date)
4) running-in-place to Rossini’s William Tell Overture
5) and placing twenty-seventh, out of twenty-seven contestants, in the “Bumfuck, Egypt Camel-Turd Tossing Contest.”

And lastly, Mr. Bloodhawke is a philanthropist, right up there with the likes of Carnegie,
Mellon and the Rockefeller’s; his favorite charity being himself, which he contributes to quite frequently.
When did you first start writing?
Before I could walk.
What's the story behind your latest book?
John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

To me, life is made up of chapters, like a book; it is a summary of moments. You are born in Chapter One and get to live one chapter for each year of your life. Some of us, the unlucky ones, never get past Chapter One. Some of the luckier ones make it to Chapter Eighty, or Ninety; and you especially want that last chapter to have the happiest of all possible endings, taking into account the circumstances.

But what, exactly, is life? That’s really simple when you boil it all down. It’s a series of moments—some good, some bad—all strung together and we have no other choice but to live through them, as they’re meted out—moment to moment—until they run out. It’s an odyssey through the unknown, towards the unknown; it consists of moments lived: some special; some not so special; sad ones; happy ones; some embarrassing; some to be truly proud of; some fully lived; some you wished you could live over, lived better or never lived at all.

The past is gone, over; you are never going to get it back. The future’s not here and is uncertain at best; you’re not sure how much of it you’ll even get to enjoy, if any. That just leaves what’s left—the now, the moment. Those moments are your life; enjoy living them as you go from moment to moment.

My book, moment to moment, is a collection of such moments (seven short stories, two plays and sundry advice), from the profound to the preposterous, inspired by a collection of curious characters, from the innate to the bizarre, and how each lives out the moments in their lives.

moment to moment (Live It!)
What motivated you to become an indie author?
Sheer profit & greed.
Published 2014-02-27.
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