A group of space travelers find themselves stranded on a distant, fog-shrouded planet where they are threatened by enormous creatures, savage tribes of apes and, as a result of the alien atmosphere, a sudden uncontrollable surge in their own libido. Their only hope for rescue lies with a beautiful Amazon warrior named Kahli. It's all done very much in the spirit of Edgar Rice Burroughs and Robert E. Howard - but with a lot of sex and humor. When your heroes are too busy fucking each other they don't function very well at getting themselves rescued - and there's a lot of funny in that.
What motivated you to become an indie author?
I'm retired. I used to be an accountant, can you believe that? What a fucking boring job that was. So now I can do whatever I damn well please. I submitted a few things to publishers over the years but they never seemed to like the kinds of stories I prefer to write. When I discovered Smashwords I was intrigued but didn't really have the gumption to start up my own online business, you know? Mirabilia Novum had some interesting titles; not like my stuff, they put out mostly really filthy stories, which is okay because I like to read that sort of thing, I just don't write like that. My work is more like the kind of stuff I read when I was a kid, except with fucking in it. I like that kind of story and I think I can write that pretty well and the folks at Mirabilia Novum offered to handle my titles and I jumped at the chance.
How has Smashwords contributed to your success?
Too early to tell. If people like my books then that's just fine. If they pay money for them that's even better. If enough people like what I'm doing then I'll do more. Plenty of great tales in this old noggin, let me tell you.
What is the greatest joy of writing for you?
When my characters start thinking for themselves, you know what I mean? I'm writing the words but when the characters really take off and find their own voice it's like it's not me doing the writing anymore. It's like I'm just taking dictation. When one of them says something funny and I laugh out loud that really makes my day. And I always known when I'm on to something good when ever I get aroused by what I'm writing. Let's face it, that's what a good sexy story should do, right? So I guess my greatest joy in writing is to laugh while having an erection.
What do your fans mean to you?
I'm not sure I have any fans. When someone tells me they're a fan I can let you know then.
What are you working on next?
I have three different books on the go right now. I do that. I can't just sit down and work on one thing at a time. I like moving from one to the other. There's a couple of older books that I'm going to revisit but first I want to get these new ones done. There's one I don't have a title for yet but it's turning out pretty good; it's this thing they call Steampunk. You ever hear of that? I just call it old fashioned stuff, Victoriana and turn of the century things - the other turn of the century, not the most recent one. Christ I sound old saying shit like that. Anyway, it's got some great scenes in it with some machines the characters use to fuck each other with. One of the other ones has dinosaurs in it. I know people and dinosaurs didn't live at the same time but I like dinosaurs so who cares? It's a fantasy. I can write whatever I want.
Who are your favorite authors?
Like I said before, Robert E. Howard, Edgar Rice Burroughs, L. Sprague de Camp - their stuff was what I read as a kid and it's always infected my imagination. I suppose Robert Heinlein and Ray Bradbury and Harlan Ellison could be on such a list. I like what they do but I'm not completely captured by it. Ursula Le Guin and Margaret Atwood are very good but again, they don't write like the old fellas did.
What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
When I have to pee. No joke. That's the most honest answer I can give you.
When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
Decker and I go for walks. I don't put a leash on him or anything, he doesn't like that. Tried it once and all he did was lie down and refuse to budge. He's a cranky old bastard but he's good company. When I write he sleeps on the desk and then we go out for long walks together.
How do you discover the ebooks you read?
I like reading proper books. I got walls lined with shelves and they are crammed with books. I was given a Kindle one year as a gift but I only ever used it once. I can read on my computer and that's how I find anything I want to read. Google it or search for it. Science fiction and sex. It's not too hard to find good titles by just searching. There's a lot of trash out there, of course but you can usually tell by skimming the first few pages how the rest of it's going to go. If I like what I see then I'll order it and read the whole thing. Sometimes a good cover gets my attention. Frank Frazetta stuff. Pretty ladies and monsters and shit like that.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Of course. I still have it. It's got pictures too. Not much of a story. A spaceship lands and the alien in it is gorgeous, like Bettie Page beautiful, you know? And she's not wearing much. And she finds this guy and she takes him away in her ship. Like I said, not much of a story but even as a kid I knew what I liked. Maybe I should go back and juice that one up as a full novel. I like Bettie Page, that's for sure.
What is your writing process?
I sit down and I write. I guess when I go walking with Decker I sometimes think up new stuff but mostly that's when I don't want to think about anything, just see the world and enjoy that. The writing itself isn't some mystery. You just introduce your ass to the chair and start pushing out the words.
Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
Not really. I read a lot as a kid. Comic books and everything. I was always hanging out in the library.
How do you approach cover design?
I don't. I let the folks at Mirabilia Novum do all that stuff for me. I just do the words.
What are your five favorite books, and why?
That's a dumb question. That's like asking what's your favorite movie. There's too many to choose from and they're all different and they're all good for their own reasons.
What do you read for pleasure?
I told you that already.
What is your e-reading device of choice?
I told you that already.
What book marketing techniques have been most effective for you?
Do these questions ever end? Can I stop doing this any time I want?
Describe your desk
I haven't seen it in years. Seriously. It's buried under a huge pile a crap. I know where everything is, including under the smushed down part where Decker likes to sleep. I think it's made of wood.
Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
I don't want to answer any more of these daffy questions.
What do you think of this automatic interview shit?
It's 20 minutes of my life I'm never going to get back. Read my books.
Smashwords Interviews are created by the profiled author, publisher or reader.