For most of the thirty-five years we were married, my husband was a complete mystery to me and I am pretty sure that I was to him too. It did not make sense to me...we were two great people with the same morals and goals. Why was it that we were unable to connect? I searched for these answers for most of my marriage. When I had tried everything I knew how to do and could find no solution, I left the marriage.
When I discovered the Enneagram (any-a-gram) personalities, it helped me to understand my husband, myself and our relationship. I found the answers to my why. We had different personality perspectives. Neither one of us knew what we needed to feel loved nor how to communicate that to each other.
I wanted others to know there is a way to understand others whether partner, family or at work at a deep level.
Are you putting your happiness in someone else's hands?
For years I expected my husband to make me happy and was frustrated and confused when he did not react the way I wanted him to.
I came to realize my powerlessness came from within. I put my happiness in the hands of someone else who had no idea how to make me happy. How could he, I didn’t know that myself. I am sure he had no answers for himself or why I was reacting the way I was either.
Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
I grew up on a farm in Saskatchewan. Even as a small child I was focused on how we were all interacting. I watched how my parents interacted and wanted to help them have a more loving, closer connect. I wondered why did my parents treat each of us differently and why did we react differently to each other.
I was always looking for why that was.
When I discovered The Enneagram (any-a-gram) personalities, it gave me answers to all my why's. It was different personality perception and patterns. Discovering this led to wanting to share relationship answers that I had been searching for and what other's are probably searching for too.
When did you first start writing?
Two years ago at Christmas time I kept getting woken up at 3:30 am with the message. Start writing. After two days of this, I opened my computer and wrote from 3:30 am until 7:30 pm and again the next day. Most the of the book concepts were created then.
Do you believe there is a simple way to understand others?
I didn't. I thought relationships were mysterious....until I found The Enneagram personalities. Personalities are patterns and patterns are recognizable and identifiable. When you recognize the pattern, you will know the personality and understand the person. Then you will understand why they are reacting the way they are and you can respond more effectively to them.
Do you take responsibility for everything in your life?
Not taking responsibility for many years kept me in victim behavior. It was easier to blame someone else...and it was the only way I knew at that time. Now that I know myself really well, I can be responsible for my reaction in every situation. Being able to respond more effectively gives me a sense of control and empowerment.
I now know I can handle most situations well and that confidence has enabled me to speak up more effectively.
What is your greatest accomplishment?
Having children and a healthy relationship with them is certainly one of my greatest accomplishments.
However, knowing all the parts of myself and coming to love myself is the greatest accomplishment and the foundation for my happiness. Even when I am not being my best self, I understand why that is and I can make more effective choices next time. I am more compassionate with myself which allows me to grow and expand.
Do you know your path and passion?
When I discovered The Enneagram personalities I was ignited with passion. It has lead me to my path which is to share this amazing path of development with others and transform all their relationships...as it has mine.
What do you read for pleasure?
Nora Roberts is my favorite author. Her characters are feel like real people and real situations. She doesn't do the "I thought you were thinking and so I was thinking....
Some of the books have a spiritual basis that I resonate with.
Smashwords Interviews are created by the profiled author, publisher or reader.
Are you in a relationship where you feel stuck and unloved? I felt this way too and searched for answers everywhere as to why we were two great people with the same values and goals and yet could not connect. I now understand why my husband behaved the way he did and why I reacted the way I did. We had personality perspective differences.