Interview with Kathleen Pooler

Why did you write "Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse"?
I started out writing a different story about a cancer diagnosis and watching a beloved son spiral downward into substance abuse. I didn’t find this story until I had written three years worth of vignettes while taking a memoir writing workshop. As I kept writing, the story that needed to be told revealed itself to me. When a developmental editor told me I had two memoirs, I realized I could not write the story of my simultaneous battle with a cancer diagnosis and a young son’s descent into substance abuse until I wrote about getting into and out of two abusive marriages. It took on a life of its own and I became connected to its purpose—to share hope with others. It is possible to climb out of the abyss of poor decisions and go on to live life on your own terms.
Was there any one person who was your inspiration for your main character?
Since it is a memoir about a slice of my life, I am the main character in the narrative. I was driven by the question: “How does a young woman from a loving Catholic family make so many wise choices about career, yet so many poor choices about love that she ends up escaping in broad daylight with her two children from her second husband for fear of physical abuse?” It was time to answer the question that had been asked of me for twenty -five years of my those who loved me.
In the book, you say “a loving family, a solid career and a strong faith cannot rescue her until she decides to rescue herself.” Why do you feel that way?
One of the lessons I learned when I wrote this book is that I already had everything I needed within. I only needed to claim and honor my own inner strength. I was the only one who could do it for myself. It sounds so simple, but it took me years to realize. If I can help one person connect with their own inner strength and leave an abusive relationship sooner rather than later, or better yet, not even get involved in one to begin with, then my mission in writing this book will be fulfilled.
What's the most important things readers will learn from Ever Faithful to His Lead?
Three things come to mind: #1 One does not have to sustain broken bones or bruises to be abused. Emotional abuse is harmful and the impact on the children of mothers who are in abusive relationships is far-reaching and damaging. #2. Abuse impacts all socioeconomic groups. I was a masters-prepared nurse from a loving family and yet I got into two emotionally abusive marriages. #3 Denial and magical thinking can keep one from recognizing abusive behavior and taking action. Emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse. According to the National Coalition for Awareness of Domestic Violence, “One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime; 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year; Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to police.” These are staggering statistics of epidemic proportion.
“ Domestic violence results in physical injury, psychological trauma and sometimes death. The consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and truly last a lifetime”
People often struggle with guilt and shame. What's your best advice on how they can deal with it?
First, awareness and acknowledgment that you are indeed in an abusive situation—denial can play a big role as it did for me—and need to get out, and second develop a support system and an escape plan. Have your bags packed. This can only happen when you admit you’ve made a mistake and need to act on your fears. You need to love yourself enough to want something better for yourself. Listen to, honor and embrace your inner voice.
When do you write? Is it easier to write in the morning or at night?
I don’t have a specific routine. The muse can strike early in the morning, in the afternoon or late at night. I’ve had times when I’ve awakened in the middle of the night to write because the thoughts swirling in my head would not let me rest until they found a place on the page. I do know that if I do not get my quota of writing done during the day, I often end up staying up late.
Who's your favorite author?
That’s a tough question because I read a variety of authors. But two of my favorites are James Michener for the rich detail of his historical novels and Ernest Hemingway for his sparse prose that says so much.
Where can we buy the book?
Anywhere you buy print or eBooks, plus in print from my website or my publisher, Open Books Press dot com.
Published 2014-08-25.
Smashwords Interviews are created by the profiled author, publisher or reader.

Books by This Author

Ever Faithful to His Lead; My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 62,210. Language: English. Published: July 25, 2014 by Open Books Press. Categories: Nonfiction » Biography » Personal memoir, Nonfiction » Relationships and Family » Abuse / domestic partner abuse
How does a young woman from a stable, loving family make so many poor choices when it comes to love? Kathy must face her self-defeating patterns before she and her children become a statistic. The lives of her two children depend upon the choices she makes. Join Kathy on her roller-coaster ride of self-discovery, from shame and guilt to inner strength in her tears to triumph story.