Interview with Michael Jenkins

Michael! Welcome to your Sashwords interview!
Thank you for having me, Michael. I would be more polite, but what I am doing basically is asking myself questions and trying to feel important. And in that regard I can't realistically respect myself too much. But please, continue!
Aren't you at least happy that your book, "Man-Child" is available for free?
Oh, hell yes. I really am grateful that this website is available. Originally, I took on a second job and went with a self-publishing company for my manuscript and that was a huge mistake. It was just the pits. I still can't walk straight after that debacle. Feel free to email me and I will be happy to dissuade you from getting suckered like I did.
Is your book hard to find on the Smashwords website?
A little bit, yes. I have that dash in the title, as well as the fact that you have to turn the adult content filter off. When I uploaded the book, I figured that since it had some harsh language, I should label it as "adult." Then I turn the adult content filter off and WHAM!
Porn? It was a bunch of porn, wasn't it?
Oh my god so much porn! Well, not actually porn, but "erotica." These days, with all the depravity and Google images and instant stream videos...those who are still sticking with good old written erotica-- in this century-- is truly a classy, more sophisticated type of masturbator.
I suppose so... Anyway, about your writing---
You know what I mean? Like, 50 years ago, this type of stuff was stuffed under mattresses and kept in bedroom closets, but today it seems like it is read by a guy in a silk robe puffing on a pipe by the fireplace.
Mike, please just answer a goddamn---
And don't get me wrong; some of the subject matter is no cleaner than the videos that are readily available all over the internet. There's all this writhing, grunting, stuff is pulsating, it's insane! You say, "Erotica," but this is not "Rochelle, Rochelle." There's no journey from Milan to Minsk, okay? There's some stuff out there that is unimaginable. Go ahead, ask me about the "unimaginable."
(Sighs)
Good. I'm glad you asked. Take your raunchiest, most depraved sexual act you can ever imagine and multiply it by 3.1459. That is what I mean by "unimaginable." You can't imagine it, but it's here. Somewhere. Waiting for you. Like in the movie "Hellraiser."
Are you done yet? With the "Erotica"?
I think about the creator of this website and when that "Adult content filter" was introduced. Here is someone who has an idea to give all these authors a platform to pursue their passions and I wonder if he factored in the porn. On the first day the website went up did he see a children's book called, "Tinkerbell's Garden," right next to "The Queef Queen"? Did he mutter something like, "Oh, shit..." But he can't ban the erotica, so he's probably shaking his fist and going, "Damn my ideals!"

And now we have the "Adult Content Filter." A very easy compromise for a difficult situation.
Hey, maybe the creator of this website really liked all the erotica, and it got littered with children's books and whatnot. You ever think of that?
Are you trying to be clever? Is that it? Let's get back to the interview, shall we? Tell me, Michael, are you currently working on anything else?
Why, yes I am actually! I have been writing satirical essays; funny, first-person editorials, like, "This Relationship Was Much More Romantic When You Were In That Coma."
Hey, that sounds pretty funny.
I like to think so. Hey! Since when am I the one answering the questions?
Gotcha! Alright, that was fun. C'mon, Mike, let's go read some smut. I saw one where Bigfoot was finally captured. And here's the kicker: the women find his scent irresistible!
Published 2014-07-16.
Smashwords Interviews are created by the profiled author, publisher or reader.

Books by This Author

Man-Child
Price: Free! Words: 55,580. Language: English. Published: March 1, 2014. Categories: Essay » Author profile, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(5.00)
In this collection of 21 essays, Michael Jenkins takes a humorous approach to the stresses of every day life. Whether he is questioning how a one-thumbed co-worker might turn a doorknob or is being followed by his creepy future self in a pornographic video store, Michael's essays are funny, honest, and philosophical as an immature man searching for identity in the adult world