Interview with Jonathan Antony Strickland

How has Smashwords contributed to your success?
Smashwords has supported me throughout my three thousand three hundred and thirty seven years...I am deeply grateful.

However, please could you tell Smashwords to stop buying me socks at Christmas. Nobody...and I repeat ,nobody needs three thousand three hundred and thirty seven pairs of socks!

MY DRY-CLEANING BILL IS ASTRONOMICAL!!!!!!!
What do your fans mean to you?
They keep me cool in the summer.

Bit of an odd question that one!
What are you working on next?
I'm working on a way for mankind to become sausage ducks! Potentially this book has the potential to potentially become the most potential book never to be potentially written.
Who are your favorite authors?
I like John (he's good, he wrote that book about that stuff. I also like Mary who wrote all them things that made people experience all those different emotions.

The list is endless, but here's few few you should check out:

Dave
Peter
Emily
Mick
Stan
Stan Jnr.
Randy
Ruth
Paul
Franklin
Greta
Michelle
Gail
Vick
Vicky
Steve
Steve
Steven
Steve
Andrew
Denis
Jonny
Norma
Kyle
What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
Me not own bed. Me sleep in fire....When get too hot...ME GET UP!
When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
Me never ever bought any time, so me never spend it!
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Yes
What is your writing process?
Press buttons, spell words
Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
Again YES!
How do you approach cover design?
The best approach to cover design is to creep up on it....Kung fu style!
What are your five favorite books, and why?
If I told you then the rest of my books would become jealous!
What do you read for pleasure?
Redundant question, as I only ever read for pain!
What is your e-reading device of choice?
My washing machine (though after a while I do get very dizzy).
What book marketing techniques have been most effective for you?
Me wait till people walk past me house. Then me throw me books at their heads....! Not too sure if this technique works...but it is fun!
Describe your desk
It made from human flesh and bone!
Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
Me never grow up. Me grown down...Me different...Me exceptional...Me extraordinary...Me not right in head!

As for how this influenced my writing, well...hmmm, let me think....hmmm....Give me a second here. STOP BLOODY RUSHING ME WILL YOU!

Yes, that's it, I've got it...I now know the answer to your question.

The answer is this, it influenced my writing by me learning how to hold a pen and how to squiggle funny symbols onto things. Symbols that would never change the world but would make me change my pants as I had squiggled awful stuff all over them.
When did you first start writing?
About ten minutes ago.
What's the story behind your latest book?
The dictionary. When I'm writing, I use a big hard volume of the old English dictionary to rest on.
What motivated you to become an indie author?
Eh! I'm not an Indian.
What is the greatest joy of writing for you?
It helps scratch my itchy fingers!
Published 2015-11-18.
Smashwords Interviews are created by the profiled author, publisher or reader.

Books by This Author

Things To Do When You Become A Zombie!
Price: Free! Words: 5,080. Language: English. Published: May 30, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Undead, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(5.00)
Ha ha... You got bit! What would you do if you became a zombie? It's all a bit dull... What you need my friend is a hobby... Read this and discover just some of the hobbies you can undertake as a walking corpse.
Let's Hope the Future Doesn’t Sound This Bad
Price: Free! Words: 2,640. Language: English. Published: March 11, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(4.67)
On the planet that was commonly known as Tzegorp, three famous aliens who started the first ever “Mixed Species-Intergalactic-Boy Band” now find themselves charged with a heinous crime!
The Bloody History Of The Su'Varock Mines
Price: Free! Words: 16,030. Language: English. Published: October 21, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Fairy tales
(4.67)
This is the bloody history of the Su'Varock Mines. It tells of how the mines came to be before they became filled with the vile anarchic creatures that now roam within them. For in the beginning the mines had once been controlled by devious minds that had unearthed great riches that the mountains of Su'Varock had held hidden beneath.
Nonsense and No Sense
Price: Free! Words: 8,690. Language: English. Published: August 20, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Mashups
(4.00)
A few light-hearted pieces I have written and decided to compile together here. This includes poems, riddles, quotes, short stories and a silly story-like-thing called “The Egg”. If anyone reads this, then I would much appreciate a review (be it good or bad) as any feedback I consider most helpful.
Curse Of The Cowboy
Price: $2.00 USD. Words: 11,030. Language: English. Published: July 25, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Undead, Fiction » Western
"Curse Of The Cowboy” is about three lowlife cowboys who acquire a map that leads to an old Indian graveyard containing buried treasure. However, things don’t go as planned! As you read this story you’ll learn many useful things: such as the benefits and problems of being dead! How to cope with maggots, unsightly smells and a pair of backstabbing murdering scumbags who have just gutted you!
Alien Optimism, a Little Bigotry and Wonder
Price: Free! Words: 1,970. Language: English. Published: May 11, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(4.78)
When a visitor from another world visits a normal young couple out for a walk, what questions will they be asked, and what will they make of him/her/it? PLUS: Discover why test-tubes take the fun out of... well... you know!!! Erm... take the fun out of a certain form of enjoyment!
The Battle for the Flesh
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,830. Language: English. Published: March 4, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Ghost, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(5.00)
First let me introduce myself. My name is Eric Von Francis, and I am dead!...So begins “The Battle For The Flesh” a ghost story, but unlike other ghost stories that you may have read, this one is told by the ghost himself. While alive, he was a vile and horrid man. While dead he is even worse...This story is his own personal account of him haunting his old house before he gets he’s just deserts.
My Idea For An Ideal Heaven
Price: Free! Words: 1,110. Language: English. Published: July 8, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Fairy tales
(5.00)
So... Let's see... What is it I don't like? What can't I stand? What would I have to get rid of to make my ideal heaven? Without a shadow of a doubt the thing I personally would get rid of is...THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT THIS GREAT MYSTERY IS TO READ THE STORY!
Have You Ever Nogged A Nag?
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,600. Language: English. Published: February 15, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(4.57)
"So tell me. Have you ever nogged a nag?" Although it seems a simple enough question, it makes no sense! So what does it mean? And what would anyone make of such a question if asked when in training to become a government spy?
The King of the Dumps
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,340. Language: English. Published: November 17, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Fairy tales
(4.50)
The King of Skull Island lies dying after his legendary fall from the great skyscraper. But as he begins to feel death creep into his enormous limbs, something small and nasty begins to annoy him.
The Fool and the Fiend
Price: $2.00 USD. Words: 12,780. Language: English. Published: September 27, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Undead, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(4.75)
A bus journey from Durham to Tremwell takes a sinister turn as a man is approached by a pretty young woman eager to learn all about him. What he doesn't know is that the woman has an awful ulterior motive for seeking his company. However, has the girl bitten off more than she can chew as the man begins to tell her some of the weirdest and bizarre stories that she's ever heard in her many years.
Let the Reader Beware
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,950. Language: English. Published: April 3, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Apocalyptic, Fiction » Adventure
(4.00)
What will you do when you read this? A short story involving the reader reading this story and finding themselves forced into making a horrible decision. This is done by the reader being given six possible endings to the story and having to choose one!
The Graveyard's Retribution
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,080. Language: English. Published: February 15, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Undead, Fiction » Horror » Ghost
(3.67)
When two teenagers enter the Tremwell cemetery to cause as much pain to a strange classmate in an elaborate revenge plot, they soon find that the damage they cause breeds something altogether different and evil. The artwork for the story was provided by my brother "Robert Thomas Strickland". You can view more of his artistic scribblings on deviantart if you search for strick67.
Twas A Good Day To Die
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,580. Language: English. Published: December 1, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction, Fiction » Science fiction » Apocalyptic
(4.25)
On Christmas day, a man sits, contemplating his life and how the things outside, the indescribable horrors, will soon break through his defences. But this is of no concern to him, for his now miserable life and the hand of fate that has forced him to commit an act so terrible, weigh constantly on his mind. Short horror/Sci-fi (ish) story. Please read and review. Artwork: Robert Thomas Strickland
The Long Slog Back
Price: $3.00 USD. Words: 30,100. Language: English. Published: October 6, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Ghost, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(3.33)
On a dark lonely night, a young lad, walks home after a night out. During the long slog back to Tremwell from Durham he encounters a girl in a pink dress in very unusual circumstances. However, after an awkward introduction the two hit it off and decide on trekking back together. Things are going well but something is odd about the girl. Soon he is wondering who or what he is walking with!
26 Minds on Standby
Price: $2.00 USD. Words: 18,270. Language: English. Published: January 20, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Mashups, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(4.80)
We are all very very different. And this story shows exactly how very different twenty six minds inside a pub can be. The following story comes in 26 separate parts (kind of like 26 pieces of flash fiction, but all linked in some way), and can be read in any order. Contains swearing, murderous plots, supernatural entities, and even your own sad pathetic self.
A Week And A Day In The Lives Of Two Angry Young Men
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,090. Language: English. Published: September 20, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Thriller & suspense » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(3.86)
Story about two young friends/rivals who haven't seen eachother for some time, meet up again to reminisce about the past and to take part in a local cooking competion. Unknown to one though, hatred and madness has grown within the other. If you read this story, then why not review it. Any review you give it (be it good or bad) is most welcome.
The Towering Inferno Versus The Mighty Quinn
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,050. Language: English. Published: August 31, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Occult, Fiction » Fairy tales
(4.75)
“The Towering Inferno Versus the Mighty Quinn” is about a woman working in a sleazy strip-joint who has to use her guile and wit if she’s to overcome a mysterious lust filled fire demon type thingy (thingy being the optimum word here) that is intent on consuming her within its burning hellish flames. This is a story that will certainly get you hot under the collar. Please read and review.
Claude The Unhappy Caterpillar/Popo The Cheeky Monkey/Sselmorg The Fire Breathing Dragon
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,260. Language: English. Published: July 10, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Fairy tales
(4.40)
Funny and rather rude children’s story that soon becomes very adult (not in an X-rated sort of way, so all you pervs have been warned). Contains so much over the top swearing that I’m rather embarassed and feel it is my civic duty to warn you all of the dirty, vulgar, and downright disgusting filth contained within.(And if that does not get ya interested, then I might as well give up).
You Are The Monster
Price: Free! Words: 1,670. Language: English. Published: June 17, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Adventure » Action, Fiction » Fantasy » Historical
(4.00)
Short story in which YOU are the monster, as you roam your lair killing and eating all who enter. That is until he shows up. Inspired by the sword and sorcery fantasy gaming books by Steve Jackson and Ian Livingstone. A story told as if YOU are the monster. If you read this story then why not leave me a review to tell me what you thought. Any feedback (good or bad) is always most helpful.
Ya Can't Catch A Kipper With A Spider
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,260. Language: English. Published: June 7, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(4.25)
Detective story were uncouth detective Kirk "the kipper" McClacket recounts to us a very unusual and dangerous situation that he found himself in. Contains some swearing.
The Unforgettable Names Of the Forgotten Gods
Price: Free! Words: 1,800. Language: English. Published: April 23, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories, Fiction » Fairy tales
(3.56)
Short comic story. In times of old, when the worlds had just formed, and mankind was still fresh and young, the One God fought for his right to rule over all. But as Gods go, he was not as clever or unique as he first thought and later found he was just one of many from a plethora of other divine deities striving to make a mark and be worshipped by humanity. THIS IS THE STORY TO END ALL STORIES
The Ghost Of A Chance
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,570. Language: English. Published: March 25, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Apocalyptic, Fiction » Horror » Ghost
(4.17)
Who are we? Us, who live like savages, hunted by orks and wargs both day and night. And what part do the strange creatures we call the babblers have to play in all of this? This is the story of a father and daughter and the part they played in discovering some of the truth of the many confusing questions that wandered through the minds of the people.
A Fools Revenge
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,810. Language: English. Published: February 22, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories, Fiction » Horror » Occult
(4.00)
A bitter hate filled wizard seeks revenge against one who has cheated him of his rightful place to rule the city of Lardenmuk. But the question is how was he cheated? His only clue lies within one unknown word. Maferentuss! If you read this story, I would very much appreciate a review...be it good or bad! THE CHOICE IS YOURS MORTAL!!!
The Empty Man
Price: Free! Words: 280. Language: English. Published: December 4, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Poetry » U.K. Poetry, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(4.33)
A funny poem about a person being empty inside! Please read and review.
The Sleeper With The Restless Eyes Who Sleeps Beneath A Sleeper
Price: Free! Words: 320. Language: English. Published: December 4, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Poetry » U.K. Poetry, Fiction » Horror » Undead
(3.67)
Short poem that mothers could tell children to stop them playing upon railway lines. The poem is about a man who has been murdered and buried on a railway-track. Whenever he’s sleep is disturbed by the sound of children playing he rises from the ground to get he’s revenge. Please read and review.
The Ark Angel Ronald's Quest for Chaos
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,590. Language: English. Published: November 19, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Fairy tales
(3.80)
The world is in danger of becoming dull and boring. Evil has gone and the goody-two-shoes have taken over. Without evil all creativity will be lost. The music charts will fill up with boy-bands and rock and roll will die out. This will not do! There is only one explanation for this horrendous occurrence. Satan must have gone soft. But the Ark angel Ronald has plans to change Satan back!
Smashwords Writing Duel
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 7,810. Language: English. Published: November 2, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Alternative history, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(4.63)
Trevor Ian Thomson was one clever guy. He began reviewing on Smashwords, taking great pleasure criticising mistakes within stories, be they bad spelling to bad grammar. But when challenged to write his own story by an author called Jack Van Mason, the reviews he received where at times as critical as his own. The only difference being that their criticism fell upon his ideas and originality.
The Ten Second Time Traveller
Price: Free! Words: 570. Language: English. Published: October 6, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
(4.27)
Extremely short story about the problems with time travel. Recently (October 5th 2012) I was in the pub with Mick Carter discussing short story writing. As the conversation got to what could be achieved with the shortest amount of words, yet be able to still tell a reasonably decent story we decided to set a challenge for ourselves and write a story in around 500 hundred words or less.
Pain Is So Close To Pleasure
Price: Free! Words: 700. Language: English. Published: October 5, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
(4.29)
This is the story “Pain Is So Close To Pleasure”, a short comedy story I wrote several years ago. The story looks at an alien race who has recently come into contact with our own. To learn more about each other, ourselves and the aliens decide to send an exchange student to the others world to spend time there so each race can learn more about the other. Warning: contains swearing
Mervin Badman
Price: Free! Words: 15,650. Language: English. Published: September 29, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction
(4.00)
Beware the Tremwell moors. It is easy to get lost amoung the harsh bleakness of the boggy wasteland and grim open tundra that throughout time has claimed many a poor lost soul. But this is not the only danger out on that god forsaken ground. Upon them roams a legend so terrible that mothers whisper it to there children to keep them safe from wandering too far out…Safe from him.
A Divine Tale
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,990. Language: English. Published: September 8, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Fairy tales, Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories
(3.75)
This is a story about Seglaman the Snow God, and how other God’s use his sorry tale as a reminder to younger less experienced God's as a warning to never become too comfortable when ruling over mortals who worship them. If you read this story then I would much appreciate it if you would review the story (whether the review be good or bad) as any feedback would be most helpful.
Of Muscle And Magic
Price: $3.00 USD. Words: 38,880. Language: English. Published: August 26, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » Epic, Fiction » Adventure » Action
(5.00)
On the small island of Galiamank something nasty stalks the night. No one knows what, but whatever it is it has the power to steal through the streets unseen and unheard entering into houses unnoticed and without waking anyone within, kill and take the heart of it’s victim. This is a sword and sorcery type story.