Interview with milthyswinebuckle

When did you first start writing?
About ten minutes ago.
What book marketing techniques have been most effective for you?
Me wait till people walk past me house. Then me throw me books at their heads....! Not too sure if this technique works...but it is fun!
Describe your desk
It made from human flesh and bone!
Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
Me never grow up. Me grown down...Me different...Me exceptional...Me extraordinary...Me not right in head!

As for how this influenced my writing, well...hmmm, let me think....hmmm....Give me a second here. STOP BLOODY RUSHING ME WILL YOU!

Yes, that's it, I've got it...I now know the answer to your question.

The answer is this, it influenced my writing by me learning how to hold a pen and how to squiggle funny symbols onto things. Symbols that would never change the world but would make me change my pants as I had squiggled awful stuff all over them.
When did you first start writing?
About ten minutes ago.
What's the story behind your latest book?
The dictionary. When I'm writing, I use a big hard volume of the old English dictionary to rest on.
What motivated you to become an indie author?
Eh! I'm not an Indian.
How has Smashwords contributed to your success?
Smashwords has supported me throughout my three thousand three hundred and thirty seven years...I am deeply grateful.

However, please could you tell Smashwords to stop buying me socks at Christmas. Nobody...and I repeat ,nobody needs three thousand three hundred and thirty seven pairs of socks!

MY DRY-CLEANING BILL IS ASTRONOMICAL!!!!!!!
What is the greatest joy of writing for you?
It helps scratch my itchy fingers!
What do your fans mean to you?
They keep me cool in the summer.

Bit of an odd question that one!
What are you working on next?
I'm working on a way for mankind to become sausage ducks! Potentially this book has the potential to potentially become the most potential book never to be potentially written.
Who are your favorite authors?
I like John (he's good, he wrote that book about that stuff. I also like Mary who wrote all them things that made people experience all those different emotions.

The list is endless, but here's few few you should check out:

Dave
Peter
Emily
Mick
Stan
Stan Jnr.
Randy
Ruth
Paul
Franklin
Greta
Michelle
Gail
Vick
Vicky
Steve
Steve
Steven
Steve
Andrew
Denis
Jonny
Norma
Kyle
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Yes
What is your writing process?
Press buttons, spell words
Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
Again YES!
How do you approach cover design?
HAHAHAHAHAHA.....!
What is your e-reading device of choice?
My washing machine (though I do get dizzy after a while!)
What book marketing techniques have been most effective for you?
Me wait till people walk past me house. Then me throw me books at their heads....! Not too sure if this technique works...but it is fun!
How has Smashwords contributed to your success?
Smashwords has supported me throughout my three thousand three hundred and thirty seven years...I am deeply grateful.

However, please could you tell Smashwords to stop buying me socks at Christmas. Nobody...and I repeat ,nobody needs three thousand three hundred and thirty seven pairs of socks!
What motivated you to become an indie author?
Eh! I'm not an Indian.
Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
Me never grow up. Me grown down...Me different...Me exceptional...Me extraordinary...Me not right in head!

As for how this influenced my writing, well...hmmm, let me think....hmmm....Give me a second here. STOP BLOODY RUSHING ME WILL YOU!

Yes, that's it, I've got it...I now know the answer to your question.

The answer is this, it influenced my writing by me learning how to hold a pen and how to squiggle funny symbols onto things. Symbols that would never change the world but would make me change my pants as I had squiggled awful stuff all over them.
Who are your favourite authors?
I like John (he's good, he wrote that book about that stuff. I also like Mary who wrote all them things that made people experience all those different emotions.

The list is endless, but here's few few you should check out:

Dave
Peter
Emily
Mick
Stan
Stan Jnr.
Randy
Ruth
Paul
Franklin
Greta
Michelle
Gail
Vick
Vicky
Steve
Steve
Steven
Steve
Andrew
Denis
Jonny
Norma
Kyle
What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
Me not own bed. Me sleep in fire....When get too hot...ME GET UP!
Describe your desk
It made from human flesh and bone!
What's the story behind your latest book?
The dictionary. When I'm writing, I use a big hard volume of the old English dictionary to rest on.
What are your five favorite books, and why?
If I told you then the rest of my books would become jealous!
What do you read for pleasure?
Redundant question, as I only ever read for pain!
When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
Me never ever bought any time, so me never spend it!
Published 2015-11-18.
Smashwords Interviews are created by the profiled author, publisher or reader.

Books by This Author

Milthy Swinbuckle's Awesome Test!!!
Price: Free! Words: 770. Language: English. Published: March 28, 2017. Categories: Nonfiction » Inspiration » General self-help, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
We spend our lives trying to be something we're not... Why? Why try to be something else when inside you might be AWESOME!!! What I want to know though is: HOW AWESOME ARE YOU?
Who Hell Me?
Price: Free! Words: 690. Language: English. Published: February 24, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(2.00)
Some stories just can't be explained... Though this probably isn't one of them!
Let God Be My Witness
Price: Free! Words: 40. Language: English. Published: September 22, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Inspirational, Fiction » Visionary & metaphysical
(4.50)
A short story about truth... Actually I lied... It's about wearing your under-crackers on your head! Perhaps! Then perhaps not!
Doobie Of Death
Price: Free! Words: 2,180. Language: English. Published: February 26, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Thriller & suspense » General
(3.67)
Although in stature and physique the man was nothing, he was powerful. His power lay in some frivolous little country on the borders of Russia, and although not a superpower, could still hold its own in a world full of war and disease while simultaneously offering great riches to the wise and devious. There was one problem...The King...So the King would have to die!
Fucked (well and truly)
Price: Free! Words: 670. Language: English. Published: May 13, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Adventure » General
(2.50)
Who is the man in disguise? What horrible thing has he done? What are his motives? How will he be able to live with himself? The one thing we will find out, if nothing else, is what conclusion to the forthcoming inevitable dilemma the man offers up as a way of an apology!
Riddley Fiddley (and a few quotes to live your life by)
Price: Free! Words: 1,050. Language: English. Published: March 19, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Inspirational
(5.00)
Can you solve my five brain busting riddles. If you like to bamboozle your mind then try out these riddles that would make the great Sméagol scratch his head and forget all about his ring. Also included are several of my astonishing quotes that through the ages have been quoted by such greats as myself!
Two poems and a stolen song
Price: Free! Words: 330. Language: English. Published: March 15, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Poetry » U.K. Poetry
Two pieces of my rhyming scribbles. And a short song I wrote that was pinched by "WHO" knows WHO?
They Call Me Randy Stodgeflaps
Price: Free! Words: 410. Language: English. Published: February 17, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Poetry » African Poetry, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
A poem about a man called Randy Stodgeflaps!
THE EGG
Price: Free! Words: 650. Language: English. Published: February 16, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
What is the egg. This story explores the secret question that only a few of us know about. A question greater than life itself. A question about the egg!
Stupid Bloody Bollicks
Price: Free! Words: 160. Language: English. Published: February 13, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Poetry » U.K. Poetry
Poem...about the meaning of nothing!