Like most desks ... littered with empty bottles of rye.

When I first started drinking beer which was at the age of 3 - give or take a couple years.

I like cool chicks, fast cars and Indian cuisine ... so Indie seemed like the logical place to find all of them.

Knowing that in 100 years, long after I am dead, I will be a famous author and my grandchildren will be able to piss away money that should have rightfully been mine to squander.

A cool summer breeze whenever I turn them on!

Finding a job that actually pays while also living the writers dream!!

My cat - pawing on my face at 6 am looking for food.

Like most people: masturbating, thinking up ways to rob a museum, creating another fantastically creative dish with just ramen noodles and butter ... the usual.

Drink heavily, stumble to computer, type, pass out, wake up, edit. Repeat the following night.

I think of what I have lying around my halfway house that is free. I take a picture of it using someone's old cell phone and ask someone at the welfare office to download and upload it for me. In short - my process needs to be cheap and easy.

1 - The Bible (because I love reading fiction and I love having an imaginary friend)

2 - Anything Dr. Seuss (gotta love the Grinch!)

3 - The Book of Mormon (I am not sure this is really a book - but I love the play!!)

4 - Anything written by a Republican (I am a sucker for stupid humor!)

5 - ??? - I can't jerk off 5 times in a week - doing 5 of anything is just way beyond my mental capacity

Whatever I find lying on the ground in a public restroom which, typically, amounts to nothing more than bits of tissue paper. As such, I just read whatever smut is written on the inside of the stall I am sitting in. In fact, I am still awaiting a call back from the person who gives "incredible blow jobs."