Allens Brain

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Smashwords book reviews by Allens Brain

  • Dear Communion of Saints: amusingly apt advice for foolish Christians on April 21, 2011

    Dear Communion of Saints: I want to write a review for this really humorous book by a very funny Catholic woman whose blog and facebook comments entertain me on a virtually daily basis. My problem is that I'm a small-P protestant that isn't even certain he's a small-C catholic. Can I do this book justice in a review, or should I just stay out of it? Sincerely (as can be), Disembodied Online ***** I hit SEND, and Heaven's virus-protection and anti-spam programs immediately rejects my knee-mail (gag!). However, they DO forward it to some other, lesser community, and I receive back this message. ***** Dear Disembodied, Apparently, you are a Christian in poor standing with any diocese or other ecclesiastial ruling body, and so the Dear Abby-style advice you might have received from "The Communion of Saints" has been re-routed to us, "The Figures Proposed for Canonization and then, Upon Further Review, Suggested for Cannon-ization." We have no nifty acronym, sorry. It's the holidays, here, and normally we would reject your piddly request altogether. However, since St Espressus of Java and I spoke up for you, I have been allowed to field your question. Now then, although you don't subscribe to the whole "saint" thing, this didn't get in the way of your enjoyment of the book! And you seemed perfectly happy to venerate Sts Valentine and Patrick earlier this year! Even if you didn't know who many of them were, you could certainly get off your glass-encased gluteas cerebellus* and educate yourself on the lives of these inspiring people in one of the books the Ironic Catholic helpfully listed at the end of D.C.o.S. And so what if you don't do Mass or Lent? You go to church, and you get the gist of Lent (or you seemed to when you were penitently calling upon God the morning after Mardi Gras.) Besides, much of what's in the book appeals to Christians across the spectrum, like dentistry, Thanksgiving turkeys and the problem of committees! I know you chuckled at the "Just get over it and quit whining" nature of some of the answers. So, in short: Yes, you should definitely write a review of this book. Your friend, I.C., will appreciate it, and your non-Catholic readers will perhaps be inspired to purchase a copy for themselves, and be amused and blessed. Just make sure that you include links to the print and e-book versions of it! Disgusted at having been asked to answer such a dumb question, St Melvin P.S. Eat more watermelon! ----- *or "brain-butt"
  • Felon Blames 1970s Church Architecture for Life of Sin: The Ironic Catholic News, Vol. I on June 22, 2011

    Satire Collection Sparks Intended Revolution; Author Shocked. Disorienting Woods - Mere weeks after the release of blogger Ironic Catholic’s second book, Felon Blames 1970s Church Architecture for Life of Sin: the Ironic Catholic News Volume I, a sort of spiritual revival has broken out among her readers. “It was like she was talking about me personally,” said Kim Preston, 35, of Miller’s Grove, NJ. “Especially the story about ‘Grace for Clunkers,’ the one about ‘occasional unity,’ and–oh yeah!–the one about the patron saint of coffee drinking, St Java, or whatever. Oh! And the one about motherhood as spiritual vocation! OMG! SO FUNNY! But they really spoke to me. I plan on definitely making some changes in my devotional life–just as soon as the Spirit motivates me properly.” Self-titled religious intellectual, Norm dePlume, had his own favorites. “I quite enjoyed the article on the sudden stability of Jacque Derrida. I also found the Swiftean overtones in the story about the Hemlock Society’s promotion of cannibalism worthy of a chuckle or two. Both stories pointed to much bigger principles about the nature of life and reality that I plan on personally and thoroughly examining just as soon as ecclesiastical authorities emphasize them.” dePlume could not be reached for further comment, having taken up what he believes is his God-given role as diocesan hermit. Inscrutable, atomically-enhanced brain-in-a-jar and part-time mad scientist, Allen’s Brain, thought Ironic C’s new book was, “A good read, if a bit brief. Of course, this IS only ‘volume 1,’ so that almost certainly means there’s more to follow. And if I know, I.C., she won’t be able to help herself. It’s the best sort of madness that compulsively produces such consistently good material. Not every one made me laugh. Some just elicited a grin, but that’s to be expected. Different things tickle different funny bones. The “Iron Theologian” story got a good laugh out of my gray matter, and was a good way to end the book. The other one that really got me was the computer usage quiz that points to your denominational background. SO TRUE! Ha-ha! But I think my absolute favorite in the collection was the Flannery O’Connor conference where all these O’Connor-esque things keep happening. Wow! I certainly resolve to draw closer to God from now on–once I get some time to devote to it.” What does the Ironic Catholic think of this response from her readership? “What is wrong with you people? What are you waiting for? A sign from heaven?” Nope. Just the next book, I.C. Just the next book.