Kendall Swan has created an intensely erotic tale from a very simple fantasy situation. While a longer story with a slower build-up and more character development might have made it a true classic, still it is supremely arousing and definitely a must read for all fans of playful romantic erotica.
This bumper collection of erotic stories by Kendall Swan centres around her "naked" series - titles such as Naked Housecleaning, Naked Cheerleader, Naked Robot, etc., but it also contains a generous assortment of her other stories, including some short realistic vignettes and some wild excursions into science fiction and the world of vampires.
The great strength of her writing is simplicity and directness. She takes you straight into the experiences and thoughts of her characters with very little time spent on setting scenes or giving detailed descriptions. Never-the-less she conjures up deliciously erotic images and sensations with great economy.
Her best stories, which include Naked Housekeeping, Naked Slumber Party and Naked Robot, are incredibly sexy because of the way they convey the excitement of a character caught up in a unfamiliar erotic adventure which opens up previously unforeseen possibilities.
While the stories may vary in their eroticism, all are interesting in some way, with the science fiction and vampire stories consisting of brief incidents which manage to sketch out a larger context in just a few details and imaginatively explore such issues as post-Apocalyptic sexual politics and interspecies sexual encounters in outer space.
Many of these stories have been made available previously in smaller collections, but this is the best way to get plenty of Kendall Swan bang for your buck.
A clever little Rashomon-like tale of conflicting accounts of an indiscretion. But, at the risk of giving a spoiler, Zaria's stories always lead to happy endings for both the main characters and the reader. :o)
Firstly, this book is wrongly categorised. It should be in the Christianity section as it comes from a very specific religious perspective and consists largely of quotes from the Bible.
Secondly, it is sometimes unintentionally hilarious is its extremism and irrationality.
Thirdly, it gives a description of what the life of a masturbator is like which I find hard to relate to as a masturbator myself. Maybe masturbation is practised differently in Nigeria, but I've never bruised my penis. I'm far to fond of it.
Some choice passages :
"If the mid-stage is not controlled or stopped, the individual progresses to the late stage (i.e. at least ones (sic) a day). At this stage, it is an addiction and it will take great self-control not to do it in public in the full glare of everybody."
"In men, food deficiency diseases will not be uncommon especially if the individual does not eat well."
"The bottom line is this, sodomy or homosexuality scripturally refers to both gays and lesbians. These two involves (sic) body stimulation thus, masturbation is a precursor to homosexuality or as a friend of mine rightly described it, "homosexuality is masturbation full blown."
"A vibrator (an electrical device that produces a continuous movement for sexual pleasure) is most preferred by many that masturbate, especially professional 'sex film' actors/actresses, harlots, prostitutes and nymphomaniacs."
I'm not a religious person, though I am a big admirer of Jesus and his philosophy of being non-judgemental and loving to all of our fellows and to ourselves.
Oduwaiye asks himself the question "Where did masturbation begin?" The answer is simple. Since other primates also masturbate it stands to reason that our pre-human ancestors did too, and thus that it has been with us since our beginning as a species. The real question should probably be "When did we become afraid of sexuality and feel the need to control our sexual behaviour?" Certainly long before the Old Testament was written. Sexuality can be an anarchic force. It threatens any society founded upon its repression. And those who are in positions of power - particularly the law-makers and moralisers - are generally those who are most repressed (least in touch with their genuine loving self) and these are the men who wrote the Old Testament and said that homosexuality was "an abomination" etc. Paul was also such a man, clearly obsessed with sex and the threat he felt that it posed.
Jesus was not like those men. He appears to have not been obsessed by sex like they were. He talked a little about lustful thoughts being equivalent to adultery, but this seems to have been merely advice against hypocrisy. Which of us doesn't at some time want to have sex with a person married to someone else? Thus we shouldn't judge those who do. That seems to me to have been the point. But Jesus appears to have been a healthy, non-repressed, non-neurotic individual. For all we know he may have had the occasional wank himself.
If someone feels shame about masturbation then that will cause a problem for them. But such shame is not evidence that masturbation is offensive to God. Our conscience is a learned part of our ego, it is an internalised code of expectations we have about ourselves which we pick up from our parents and other members of society. Thus, what someone feels guilty about varies from culture to culture. A Catholic might feel guilty about being a homosexual, but in ancient Greece sex between men in the army was the norm and not at all a source of shame.
What makes the kind of ideas put forward in this book a problem is that battling against a natural urge to do something which doesn't harm others and which, research supports, is both physically and psychologically good for us, can make us self-obsessed. When we are struggling with ourselves we become unavailable to others, we are less loving.
If we have a wank when we feel like it the desire is satiated and we can forget it and get on with our lives. If we are religious we can more easily do God's work. But if we try to suppress this natural urge we are liable to become a slave not to masturbation but to the battle against it. We might even be so obsessed that we end up writing a book about it.
My short story
on Oct. 09, 2011
I'm not sure I see the point of releasing this as an ebook. It's not a short story, but a sentence. Why not just post it on a reader profile? And I'm not sure I understand the significance of the word "moneymaster" on the cover. If God is sufficient, where does money come in to it? Perhaps it is meant to be ironic.
There is writing talent here. There is also sloppy thinking.
I'm not sure where the author got the idea that Jesus said "Pan is dead!" from the cross. I've done a Google search and found the statement only attributed to Plutarch.
The author adopts the same narrow-minded view of Jesus and of God that is common in the established churches and then knocks these paper tigers down as if they were the real thing. And also implies, just like the churches, that a universe without god is a universe in which there is "no point to life, no point to good behaviour". Here again he shares their folly.
The fact that an insecure patriarchal society projected onto their perception of the creative principle of the universe a face like their own, that of an intolerant, controlling man, does not mean that that creative principle does not exist. Nothing is truly random because everything which occurs is part of an interactive net of cause and effect. Through this process energy unfolded eventually into intelligent life. This would not have happened by a series of unrelated accidents equivalent to the throwing of dice.
But this is a blind process with no inherent sense of justice, so people who behave well towards their fellows will still perhaps die a painful death and kind people have died in concentration camps. There is no God who can protect an individual against a sickness in the system.
But love is the creative principle at work in human society. Without at least a modicum of love, society would collapse into chaos and the human race would come to an end.
Though Jesus used the term "God", which had been misused by those who came before him, what he was talking about was love and impediments to love. He used the term "sin". In this scientific age it would be more correct to use the term "neurosis". He recognised that our intolerance towards our own imperfections was what made us intolerant of others and also selfish. So he put forward a philosophy of mutual forgiveness. God can't magically solve our problems, problems like cancer, war, poverty, etc. But we can solve those problems if we cooperate with each other. And the more we love the more we cooperate.
The author also talks disparagingly about the belief of some that Jesus will return. Like these people he makes the mistake of the superficial in thinking that Jesus' promise was that of a physical return of himself as an individual. He gave voice to the creative principle that was at work within him, just as it is at work in the depths of the subconscious of us all, and what he meant was that there would come a time when his vision of the transforming power of love would return with a vengeance.
I think this will happen, and that the angry conflict taking place between the atheists and the churches are the death throws of two dinosaurs - those of mechanistic nihilism and supernaturalism.
The second letter "Louise at the Circus" made me laugh so hard I nearly choked. This is the sort of book you won't be able to resist reading out passages of to your friends. No matter what your taste in humour, from gross out to pop culture references to puns, Nardone incorporates it in these examples of an ingenious literary prank.
While I admire the author's ambition and willingness to think outside the box in his attempt at a holistic understanding of how the universe works, the resulting book is confusing and poorly reasoned.
The following passage indicates the sort of problem you will find here :
"What is matter? Matter is really that which simply occupies space and has mass. What is light? Light is really that which occupies space and has mass. What is heat? Heat is really that which simply occupies space and has mass."
Light and heat are forms of energy. They have no mass. Even if this were not the case, by defining mass, light and heat in exactly the same way is to not define them, that is, to not say what is unique about each of these things.
But Sanchez's reasoning seems to be that, since some aspects of the behaviour of the universe may appear to be similar to those of matter caught in a magnetic field between two bar magnets, therefore the universe is the product of the interaction of two bar magnets one consisting of matter and the other of empty space. The fact that empty space is not magnetic, and that matter and empty space are intermingled rather than separated like two inter-reacting magnets seems not to matter.
Of course it is possible that I've misunderstood the argument being put forward. It isn't always clear, a problem made worse by the fact that the writing on some of the diagrams is too small to read.
The first person present tense narrative is definitely a very successful experiment. This is an extremely arousing story. One thing I love about these stories is that they have the feel of a fantasy in which the teller gets so turned on by the possibilities of a situation that the story goes temporarily out the window to make way for outrageously unbelievable but deliciously raunchy sex scenes. This might seem to be a criticism, but it isn't. Stories can be predictable, but when you put yourself into the hands of Zaria von Mars you never know where you will be taken, except that you will never leave the erotic wonderland of her imagination.
This ebook is an interesting case study in paranoia, propaganda and conspiracy theorising. It is also sometimes unintentionally very funny.
A lot of what you will find here will not be unfamiliar to conspiracy theory fans - Masons, Knights Templar, 9/11, The New World Order, global warming, vaccinations, fluoridation, microchips, surveillance, etc., etc. Now I don't want to be dismissive about these things. There is no doubt there have always been power elites and that this is a bad thing. Hierarchical power structures always lead to corruption at the top and disempowerment at the bottom. This is just as true in democratic countries which allow a choice only between two similar leaders, and in which the economic wealth (and thus power) is concentrated in the hands of a few, as it is when hierarchical religious organisations dictate people's dress and sexual and other behaviour. And some people have raised difficult to answer questions about aspects of what happened on 9/11 and the political changes which it ushered in in the U.S., but, if you want to examine this from an intelligent perspective, read Michael Ruppert, not Mr. O'Moss (I'm assuming that is the name of the author of this book since it says 'written by A. N. O'Moss' even though he claims to have signed it anonymously to protect his safety from the Satanic conspirators), who believes that the passengers aboard the "real" United 93 were murdered or are being kept prisoner somewhere.
O'Moss probably believes everything in this book, but intentionally or not he uses one of the prime techniques of every good propagandist, and that is to mix truth with conjecture and lies. If the author includes accounts of real events about which the reader will be rightfully outraged and then follows them with unsupported generalisations, the reader may be caught up in the general flow instead of being sceptical and asking for evidence. And O'Moss makes loads of accusations in this book for which he provides not a shred of evidence.
One of the problems with grand conspiracy theories is that they require one to believe that diverse groups of people are all networking secretly and have agreed to cooperate on some big joint enterprise. That rich people use their political power to make things easier for rich people doesn't require a conspiracy. That's just common selfish human behaviour. But for them to be organising the formation of an Orwellian society devoted to blood sacrifices to Satan would require more selflessness (i.e. willingness to cooperate for what they perceive to be their common "good") than humans generally show.
An example of how misleading this book can be is that, next to a discussion of a proposed "brain chip", it shows an illustration from a blog which shows a diagram of a computer that would plug straight into the brain, it has the Apple logo and says "iThink". I did a Google search to find this illustration on the net. It was a parody someone did for their blog. But O'Moss says "the new IThink computer that Apple is looking to launch…"
Because he believes that swine flu was engineered as a pretext to inject us with computer chips, he presents it as sinister that Bill Gates has expressed an enthusiasm for vaccination. If he lived in a country with cholera or dengue fever he might not be so quick to jump to conclusions that Gates' concern is anything other than humanitarian.
Of Hollywood, O'Moss says : "Ideas seen on television and in movies allow your mind to become familiar with these alien concepts, so when similar situations do manifest in real life, you are more inclined to accept them as your subconscious has already accepted it in a certain form, as you have seen or experienced it before. One example that springs to mind is that of 'society' accepting homosexuality. Just think 20 years ago, there is no way an individual who was homosexual would have come out of the closet and admitted as much on television, but today by using subliminal messages and setting up homosexuals as heroes and 'good guys' in works of fiction, the idea has subconsciously been accepted and welcomed in society today."
Now, first of all, anyone who is familiar with the change which has taken place in attitudes towards homosexuality in the media will realise that this has not been imposed top-down by the powerful in society, but, rather, began with relatively powerless outsiders who were opposed by the powerful. It is rather hard to imagine Allen Ginsberg, William S. Burroughs, Quentin Crisp, John Waters and Kenneth Anger, for example, as working for "the man". Like so much else in our society, the media is not driven by some hidden conspiracy, but by the pursuit of money. Television stations would happily program nothing but religious programming if that was what the public would watch and thus be a profitable form of programming in which to sell advertising spots. But most people don't like being preached at and would rather watch sex and violence. I know I do. Now O'Moss may not like this because it make people less interested in reading the Bible. But what would be the answer? Only tight centralised control of what could be shown on television. It seems that it is not the idea of society being controlled by a propagandising elite which he objects to. He just wants it to be his elite.
You'll find astonishing examples of flat-out ignorance like this :
"In ancient Greece, Plato was in control of the culture department (industry), everything he planned and showed the people was based on the idea of 'Monkey see, Monkey do'. Plato understood the mind of the people and he understood how it worked. This is why he used to actively plan and force the masses (including the slaves) to attend the plays held at the local amphitheatres. The plays were much like the films and television programmes of today, with influential heroes and heroines that the population can emulate and therefore remain under contol." Huh? Plato was an author whose works consisted of philosophical dialogues between the philosopher Socrates and his pupils. Far from being a member of the authoritative structure of his day, Socrates was viewed as a threat to that structure because he encouraged young people to think independently, critically and logically, and so Socrates was put to death. But it may be illustrative that O'Moss presents Plato as a villain, because he was a promoter of logic and open-mindedness. While O'Moss claims to be opposed to the brain-washing influence of television and movies, it appears that it is only because this brainwashing is (he feels) undermining religious brainwashing. True independent and logical thought is not something he appears to support.
And this is how paranoia works. Paranoia is the projection onto the world around us of our own disowned self. Unable to admit that his religious beliefs are an oppressive dogma, O'Moss looks at television and movies and sees them as one monstrous Satanic monolithic dogma threatening to crush all he believes in.
Surveillance is another question on which the idea of a global conspiracy falls down. It is certainly a worry that more surveillance is going on and that technology makes it easier. But, if we are going to be watched for every minute of every day, there have to be almost as many watchers as watched. The idea of centralised control can seem scary if you feel you will be one of the ones being controlled. But if you try to imagine having the job of controlling everyone you'll see that that would be even more scary, because you couldn't do it. You'd have a nervous breakdown the first day on the job.
"Have you also noticed that whenever there is a debate between a religious person and a non-religious person, the religious person can hardly ever speak the language well, or they do not know how to argue? I would volunteer my services to argue against any person and guarantee that I would bury them eloquently and succinctly. The only reason for this is that I have truth on my side!"
The reason for this is that religious individuals are usually arguing from inflexible and unaccountable dogma, rather than using logical argument based on documented facts. Logic and reliable information confer fluency. The author's offer seems an unwise one given the ignorance and illogicality demonstrated so often in his book.
Here is an example of his illogicality : "There was a case in America where a democratic congressman mocked the idea of talking to God, and even referred to him as She. The media made a complete joke of it, but because he received a lot of criticism from the people he later apologised. Any religious person can tell you that God is genderless." If God is genderless, why has O'Moss referred to "him" rather than "it"? The Judeo-Christian religions imply that God is male, otherwise why say "Father".
There is even a diagram in this book which the author borrowed from somewhere else which shows "Religion" as one of the streams in "The Pyramid of Manipulation", but he says "I must point out that in this pyramid (above) the tab that says religion only applies to totalitarian systems such as communism, not religions as we understand the term." Yeah, pull the other one. The creator of the diagram clearly had a better grasp on the truth, but O'Moss was just too lazy to draw his own diagram.
Some other juicy tidbits : the I-Pod is the Anti-Christ & crude oil is not a fossil fuel but a self-regenerating lubricant for the earth's tectonic plates.
I don't think the author needs to worry about the ruling elite trying to bump him off. With swelling public resistance to the power structure, as manifested by the "occupy" movement in the west and the revolutions in the Middle East, nutty conspiracy theorists like O'Moss and David Icke who are claiming that corrupt government figures and corporate leaders are Satanists planning to come out at the London Olympics (O'Moss) or are reptilian aliens (Icke), are just what those individuals need to provide a "nutcase brush" with which to tar all nay-sayers.
Of course the author will probably say that I'm a part of the conspiracy because I'm a fan of William Blake (whom he claims was a Freemason - something which has always been disputed), the Rolling Stones and movies with lots of homosexuals in them. But the Satanic Freemason's never invite me to their parties.
This is the first of the Stacy and Harold stories I've read. There are no big surprises in the story and the sex description is a little clinical, but the characters seem very real and there is a playful sense of fun which makes for an amusing read.
This is a short simple tease of a story. There may not be a lot to it, but it has a delicious sense of playfulness and of romantic possibilities just beginning. I'd love to read a sequel and see what happens when the characters really get a chance to explore each other in every way.
This is a great manual for those of us who don't want to buy Word to format our ebooks. It is clearly written and organised so that it is easy to skim through and find information on just the issue with which you may be struggling or to proceed step-by-step from the beginning if you are just starting out. Between this and the Smashwords Style Manual you will find all you need to be empowered to do it yourself.
The one tip I would give to Smashword users specifically though is to save your documents in the Windows 97/2000/XP format. Bunn's manual is not specific to Smashwords so he tells us to save in the format required by the eConverter, as this might vary. For some reason I thought Smashwords required a Word 95 document. When I tried saving in that format, I lost my hyperlinks. When I saved in 97/2000/XP everything worked perfectly and I ended up with ebooks which were accepted into the Premium Catalog.
While it doesn't really live up to its promise due to some clumsily rushed plot reveals in the middle and minimal character development, this is still a very hot, sexy story which increases the intensity of its steamy menage a trois by placing it in the context of a shattered man's struggle to recover from the psychological and physical damage inflicted by war. When erotic stories are so often full of "perfect" bodies, a story which includes a protagonist with a missing limb is something to be applauded.
Naomi Shaw is a mistress of the erotic detail. She builds up her story from the erotic image of a young woman's tongue caressing a toffee apple to an explosive act of safe but daring sex. You will fall in love with this flirtatious couple and the mind that created them. Believe me, this is a ride you don't want to miss!
The direct storytelling and bite-sized episodes are a winning combination. If one chapter's particular fetish or erotic style doesn't suit you, the next probably will. And, while one suspects that much poetic license has been used, the sense that one is being given a glimpse into a real sexual underworld adds to the appeal. If you like your erotica raw then this is a must read.
There are times when I think that "believability" is over-rated. The earliest stories were tales of gods and monsters and magical beings. These stories still engage us because they connect with us on a sub-rational level.
Zaria Von Mars's stories are a bit like that. On a rational level it is absurd to believe that a man and woman who are best friends would engage in mutual masturbation and oral sex, and that the man would encourage the woman to have sex - including very rough and sleazy sex - with other guys and women, and yet that they would feel that sexual intercourse itself, between them, would be "stepping over a boundary" just like the best friends say in all those terrible chick flicks you've seen.
But in a Zaria Von Mars story that doesn't matter. In fact, the absurdity is a plus because it unchains us from any kind of sense of security we might get from rational terms of reference. Movie stars don't really have secret sex clubs hidden behind the internal walls of department stores. Or do they? LIke when looking at some kind of surrealist painting, we wonder for a moment if it is our own grasp on reality which is faulty.
This is not a book for everyone. Some of it is shocking. There is tender eroticism here, but it is intermixed with scenes of rape and other kinds of brutality and ugliness. If you want an easy book for pleasant titillation, this isn't it, but if you want a roller-coaster ride through the beautiful, the sensual and the hideous, step aboard.
I can't wait for more in this series.
"Angel of Vice" is a lusty little tale which conjures up some spectacular visuals.
"Tongue-Tied" was my favourite of the three stories, the tale of an enchantingly saucy witch who provides a potion to temporarily cure a young man's stutter.
"A Young Man's Tithe" is a very impressive tale of an encounter with banshees in rural Ireland. Although very sexy, the structure of this story and the style with which it is told reminds me of a classic ghost or horror story.
There are lots of books of erotic stories being published all the time and a good deal of them are unremarkable, poorly-written or just the same old thing. KC Burns is a writer to treasure because she writes beautifully, she has a rich imagination and feel for the erotic, and her sense of humour is delightful.
At first I wasn't sure if this story was going to be up to the standard of the others of Nikki Palmer's that I've read. Becca's self-consciousness about her boobs, which is the initial hook of the story, seemed to become less important as it went on and it seemed like it might turn into a run-of-the-mill, but still sexy, threesome story. But, for me, what gave it that special charm again was the playful dialogue. Becca is far from being my favourite Nikki Palmer heroine, but the story is still sexy and fun.
This is what I call an erotic romance story. No flowery language, no dark and stormy nights, no tall dark strangers... Just a pair of ordinary folk - one flat-chested and the other a nervous geek - who find together what it means to be truly appreciated. Oh, and lots of nipple licking.
This is the second in KC Burns "Naughty Librarian Presents" series of seasonally themed erotic books. While this one has a Christmas theme, you should be warned up front that the Christmas setting in each of these stories is not central to the plot. You won't find anyone bonking while dressed as Santa Claus or horny women vajazzling themselves with mistletoe. Two stories revolve around Christmas gifts which could just as well be birthday gifts and one revolves around the magic of a time of the year, but it could just as well be Easter or Halloween. Of course none of this really matters. What matters is the quality of the stories. And here you will not be disappointed. These stories are cheeky, sensuous, raunchy and very well-written. They'll bring some heat to the areas the egg nog doesn't reach.
I'm a big fan of stories about geeks who end up having hot sex with gorgeous women. Since I'm something of a geek, that shouldn't be a big surprise. "Geek Freak" is the saucy tale of a girl who knows how to get her geek. You'll never look at a Victoria's Secret shop the same way again.
"Frustration in Silk" is the least of the three stories, a tale of a housewife and a workman. But don't worry, Burns has fun with this well-worked genre.
The highlight of the collection is "Inanimée Compagnon de Sexe Intime", a charming fantasy about a mannequin who comes to life. It is here that Burns way with words really takes flight, creating a genuine sense of magic and sensuality which will stay with you.
This is a very simple story which goes where you think it will go, but what counts is that it features the cheekily assertive females Eva Gaylord so magically brings to life. The sex is steamy. A sweet little treat that'll make you smile.
I really love this book! To me sexy stories are sexier when they are funny and playful. Nikki Palmer certainly delivers some erotically described sexual encounters, but the sexiest thing about these short stories is the cheeky nature of their heroines and anti-heroines. Two of the lead characters are nasty pieces of work, but by the end of their stories I'd developed a soft spot in my heart even for them. And I fell almost instantly in love with the other four female protagonists who either pursue their particular erotic desires with cheerful enthusiasm or surrender themselves to an ultimately rapturous sexual experience with a kind of wide-eyed innocence.
Nikki Palmer has a way of softening this reader's heart while stiffening his...err, resolve to seek out more of her writing.
This is a very silly book. It's also a lot of fun, even if ends just as the real fun is starting.
Erotic fairy story parodies constitute a genre of their own. Here we have a tongue-in-cheek take on Jack and the Beanstalk which plays to the giantess fetish. Some guys love to imagine sexy women so big it would take their whole body to please them sexually. And, sure enough, Jack in this story ends up between giant boobs and inside giantess panties. And it is all very cheeky and playful.
Knowing Janno a sequel is probably in the works. I'm looking forward to finding out what happens next with the giantesses and their tiny sex slave.
Cassie Caine pushes her femdom theme to the max with this sequel. I didn't find it among her sexiest books personally, but it is one of the most amusing. It has a playful sense of its own absurdity which had me chuckling. I might not want to end up as one of the heroine's slaves, but I'm a happier man because there is someone in the world with Cassie Caine's delightfully cheeky imagination.
This is a very silly story. It's like a Viz comic strip without the pictures. But that is where its charm lies. It is a cheeky burlesque of the spotty schoolboy's masturbatory fantasies. Philbert the science nerd invents a formula which turns any females who drink it into busty big-bottomed sex pots. It's the ultimate revenge for a virgin whose pudgy physique and Coke-bottle glasses earn him the contempt of the girls in his school. I don't know if it will appeal to those who don't have an inner Philbert, but I do and I had a lot of fun with it.
The second in this series about science nerd Philbert and his nano technology based Bimbo Maker formula takes place at a country club as Philbert tries a more controlled experiment. Of course it gets out of hand. It builds up a little more slowly than the first to reach a frenzied climax which made me chuckle.
The third book in the Bimbo Maker series seems to ignore the existence of the second instalment, picking up instead from where the first left off. And it adds a significant new development as Philbert changes his formula to make its victim's bottoms into super sensitive erogenous zones. Cue lots of demands to be spanked from the newly transformed female attendees of a marching band banquet.
Janno pokes fun at the fashion industry with the fourth in her Bimbo Maker series. The undernourished models at a fashion show are much in need of the curves the formula provides, but unfortunately their clothes cannot contain their new voluptuous bodies, much to the horror of the limp-wristed fashion designer. Each of these stories just repeats the same basic formula in a new environment, but it works much like the old slipping on a banana peel gag - take characters who are priggish and full of themselves and then introduce something which causes them to lose all their dignity. But unlike slipping on a banana peel the humiliation of temporary bimbofication is accompanied by the compensation of mind-blowing orgasms.
Philbert's motivations in inventing and using the Bimbo Maker formula were purely selfish, but in the fifth instalment of the series, he begins to discover a humanitarian bent. Visiting his friend Tim's parents house, he discovers that Tim's father and his friends are frustrated because their wives are no longer interested in having sex with them. A little drink spiking soon solves the problem, leading to orgiastic revelry for middle-aged sex fiends of both sexes and even a little cougar action for our young heroes. It warms your heart, really it does.
Philbert and Tim and the Bimbo Maker formula have taken the world by storm, but things can't always go their way. What will happen when they end up before a Senate hearing being attacked by members of WANK (Women Against Naughty Kinkiness)? Surely they will not try to pervert the course of justice? The quality of mercy may not be strained, but some bras certainly will be once that dreaded formula gets to work on these defenders of public decency. The last (so far) of the Bimbo Maker series once more presents a vision of a staid social institution being washed away in a tidal wave of rampant horniness. What's next, perhaps Philbert and Tim will use the Bimbo Maker formula to solve the Arab Israeli conflict?
This short story is neither terribly imaginative nor remotely believable. But, if you think the fantasy situation described in the plot summary is an exciting one, then you will find that it delivers. Perhaps the best way to enjoy it is to view it as the masturbatory fantasy of the lead character. If it is her fantasy then of course all but one of the guys will have prodigiously protuberant penises. And of course they will feel no inhibitions about masturbating together in the showers while fantasising about a hot female basketball player. What really makes it so much fun is the heroine's gradual transformation from nervous interloper into the boys' deserted shower room to saucy siren of soapy sex. I'd love to read more of Cassie's adventures.
It's amazing that Janno has managed to keep the Bimbo Maker story going to seven instalments. The overall plot always follows similar lines. Stern female authority figures dominate until Philbert and Tim dose them with the Bimbo Maker formula, turning them into big breasted, erogenously bottomed airheads obsessed with fellatio. While not laugh-out-loud funny or powerfully erotic, the stories are always a fun read. They are like a comic strip in which the appeal comes less from the plot than from the wild images, in this case conjured up in our heads by Janno's crazed imagination. May they keep coming.
K C Burns never disappoints. The story of Carla's very special Mother's Day gift is imaginative, very erotic and filled with the sense of fun we've come to expect from the Naughty Librarian. It manages to be uninhibitedly raunchy and sweetly warm-hearted at the same time.
While the central plot idea has some promise, this isn't a very good story. Naughty Mommy claims to be a conservative Christian housewife. I don't know if this is true or just a good publicity gimmick. But this story is written from the perspective of a male character. He's a misogynist. Now perhaps his misogynistic attitudes to his wife and his co-workers is being presented by Naughty Mommy ironically. If so, then that is something to the credit of the story, but it is hard to tell. It does tend to limit one's ability to identify with him though. And since the two female characters have no real personality and don't even have any names, just being identified by their hair colour, we don't have much left to respond to except the idea of drugging sexy members of the opposite sex and making them carry out our fantasies. This would work better if the lead character were a shy man who couldn't succeed with women at all without this device, or if the women were presented as total bitches so that we could get some emotional satisfaction out of them being humiliated. The women seem to have no emotional response to what they are being made to do, which makes the story kind of boring.
The first thing that has to be said about this story is that the last couple of sentences in the plot description describe something which doesn't happen until the sequel. Having said that, I'd recommend reading the two stories together anyway.
The central idea of these stories is a very sexy one. And Andrea Olsen tells it in an impressively uninhibited way. With some erotic stories it is the imagination which impresses, sometimes the creation of the characters, or the sensuality of the love-making descriptions. I rate this story highly because it really turned me on. This may have more to do with it pandering to a favourite fantasy, but sometimes when reviewing erotica a guy just has to listen to the applause-meter in his pants.
This sequel to Roommates with Kinky Benefits is just as hot, though one could wish that the story had been longer, allowing the plot to develop more slowly and believably. The idea of the 'open masturbation zone' is such a sexy one that it would have been exciting to read about more activities involving just Amy and Kevin before others got involved. It seems as if just a couple of incidents instantly removes all of Amy's inhibitions, leading to her asking for an orgy. But, while it seems far-fetched, it is, once again, a very sexy read.
When a short story consists of a single encounter with the broader context left to the reader's imagination it has to be well-written to make a strong impact. And this story is very well-written. Small details provide suspense and make the physicality of the sex real to the reader. And there is a quiet wit to wrap the whole thing up in a neat package.
Sexy Giant was an amusing erotic take on the Jack and the Beanstalk story. It delivered Jack to the land of the giantesses and introduced the idea of Jack-on-giantess sexual shennigans.
With this second part of what could become another saga rivalling Janno's Bimbomaker series, the action really kicks off as Jack finds himself shamelessly used and abused by Sylvie and her super-sized girlfriends, much to his delight. Talk about BBWs? These women are BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBWs.
There does seem to be some variability in just how big they are from moment to moment. On the one hand they look as big as skyscrapers, on the other Jack can crawl quite quickly back and forth between one of the women's nipples inside her bra. And one wonders if something as comparatively minuscule as Jack's tongue could really have much effect when licking giant breasts and clitorises. But this sort of goes with the territory of writing about giants. I read Rabelais' Gargantua and Pantagruel recently and the same sort of thing occurs there. Gargantua is big enough to reach into a church tower and steal the bells, but he sits down at table with normal-sized humans and Pantagruel, who is presumably just as big, travels on a ship with normal-sized people. And, when talking about a story in which a land of giants exists on a cloud reached by a bean-stalk, I suppose it would be kind of silly to complain that the sex scenes are far-fetched.
Apart from the macrophilia (it's a real thing, a sexual fetish for giants) the story plays upon the fantasy of the defenseless man falling into the clutches of dominant demanding sex-crazed women. The result is a terrifically titillating tall-tale.
Lucy Apple has the pulp horror/adventure style down pat. This story really reads like a sexually explicit version of something you might have found in a 1940s copy of Weird Tales. The sex scenes are suitably gross, but in a way which adds to the fun of this kind of campy story.
These short stories have a common theme of middle-aged couples uncovering an unexpected taste for wild sexual thrills. Women find themselves the object of desire of groups of men to whose desires they surrender, to their own ecstasy and that of their cuckolded husbands, who look on in combined humiliation and arousal. Another woman finds herself on the verge of a dreamlike gang bang after having her clothes auctioned off of her body in front of a crowd of lusty men. And, finally, a couple discover the joys of sissification, after the wife discovers that her husband has been trying on her lingerie. If you like erotic stories about ordinary people in situations which, in most cases, are not outside the bounds of possibility, give Tom Covenant's stories a go. They capture well the eroticism of women losing their inhibitions as a result of the intoxication of being desired.
In this third book in the Sexy Giant series, Jack is fitted out with scuba gear and giant-sized sex toys and sent off on a number of pleasure giving adventures into the giantesses' erogenous zones. A bawdy romp.
I don't read many romance stories, but this one charmed me and warmed my heart. For me the power of the romance is determined by the aching vulnerability which precedes it, and B.F. knows how to lay her heroine's heart on the line. Combine this with some cheekily playful dialogue, and even some home decorating hints for those so inclined, and you have a story to treasure.
If you are a frequent cinema patron like myself you may sometimes wonder what goes on behind the scenes of the operation. Jeremiah Jackson will satisfy your curiosity. Only the tale he tells is of the wild old days of celluloid. Ten years ago when he was managing a cinema, digital projection was just on the horizon.
What he's done here is to create a kind of non-fiction novel. Everything he relates actually happened, only it didn't all happen in the same week. By condensing and interspersing these events he has given the story a dramatic structure which leads up to the busiest day of his cinema managing carrier when the opening of a blockbuster film, and some daring decision making of his own, resulted in record breaking business. He gives the films generic titles, e.g. Spy Story, Gore Movie, etc. I suppose that the central film Boy Story was one of the Harry Potter films.
What makes this book work against the odds is that Jackson is a great story teller. Sure there are a couple of spicy tales of sex in the cinema and some funny stories involving idiotic customers and children puking, but a lot of the book is devoted to what, on the surface, are mundane events. It is Jackson's strength that he may actually have you on the edge of your seat wondering if he'll be able to repair a tear in the screen before the next session goes in and how he will manage to expose a staff member who has been stealing from the till.
One of the things I found most fascinating about the book was the description of a process known as the interlock whereby the same print travels on rollers around the walls of the projection room so that it can feed through two or three projectors at once.
Read this book and you will discover that not all of the drama, comedy or horror in the cinema takes place on the screen.
It's more of the same in the eighth episode of the continuing adventures of Philbert and Tim and their bimbo maker formula. But the shameless caricatures make it one of the funniest of the lot. Who knows what will be next - Bimbos in Space?
This is a cute and playful little erotic fairytale. Patience is a very sexy and self-possessed young woman who makes life difficult for the poor dragon.
For a different take on the princess/dragon relationship, I also recommend Eva Gaylord's The Princess and the Dragon.
Want to know what the plot of this short story is? Well it's all there in the title. A new paranormal punishment for late return of library books. But Scarlett Skye has a way of creating the scene which makes for infectious fun. It's a cheeky, dirty, sexy cartoon come to life. If the title makes you smile, reading the story will only make that smile broaden.
Most of us have little trouble imagining the act of sex. What makes for great erotica is story and character. Draw us into the life of the characters and the lightest of touches can be erotic. Fail to engage us in this way and the most depraved of orgies can quickly grow boring. Holidays in the Sun is a simple little story of two young women negotiating boundaries as they engage in some casual sex with a couple of guys they've picked up. It is light and playful but with a tantalising emotional edge. Like a delicious appetiser, it leaves you wanting more.
This mock interview is a cheeky promo for stories to come, but it delivers some hot sex scenes and plenty of personality. If the playfulness, eroticism and humour on display here are a sign of what's to come, Ingrid Stiles is one to watch.
I loved this book. It combines a well-plotted adventure story with sensual sex scenes.
The central idea is brilliant, an extrapolation from the story of the Emperor's New Clothes. Having been fooled, the Emperor has now turned the tables on his subjects. Those who he wishes to punish are given a gift of his "magical" (i.e. non-existent) clothes, and forbidden to wear anything else. Our spunky heroine Verity, who as a child was the one who pointed out that the Emperor was naked, feels terrible about the fact that this innocent act condemned her mother to the shame of public nudity. But deep inside she feels a secret desire to know what it feels like. After dark she makes a brief trip out into the night completely naked and it makes her feel very horny. But when she gets caught by a handsome thief who is impressed by her talent at stealth, the real adventure begins.
Nobilis Reed is a talented story-teller and this book reads like one of the classic romantic adventure stories of old. But it is also very very sexy, especially for those with a penchant for exhibitionism.
More fun from Janno Jones as a posh girl is forced to go trashy. It's an amusing situation spiced with some spanking, but this was clearly intended as the first of a series. As it is it leaves the reader a little dissatisfied as the wildest adventures are clearly to come. Let's hope the story will be continued.
Forced feminization isn't really my particular kink, so I may not be the best judge of this series. What it does have is Janno's uniquely cartoonish enthusiasm. It makes for an interesting read even if the action may be more scary than sexy for some of us.
As the story continues the used-to-be-man on used-to-be-man action picks us. And a fashion show provides plenty of flamboyant action. By now I'm definitely feeling sorry for the sissies, but, hey, they seem to be loving it.
With Mistress Sally and her army of dominatrixes plotting world domination, I kind of hoped that Philbert and Tim from the Bimbo Maker series might make an appearance with some kind of invention that would save the day. But the sissies seem to be having so much fun, I don't think they want to be rescued.
Ian Watson has exquisite taste in trash. Here he exhumes some unfamiliar tawdry treasures as well as paying appropriate tribute to some of my favourites. The ebook format is perfect for reviving the concept of the fanzine, and this first issue, in which Watson concentrates on the sleaziest of monster movies, is a must for all fans of cinematic insanity.
When the aliens inevitably invade I just hope they won't try to deprive us of Ian Watson's trash movie reviews. Here he gives a us a bright and breezy trip through the world of babes and bogiemen from beyond.
Comic book artist and writer Stephen R. Bissette sure knows his movies. This big collection of video reviews and articles from 1999-2001 contains all of his reviews of horror and crime films written during that period. Of course many of them are for films released at that time, but he also covers some of the old classics and other films which happened to receive a VHS or DVD release at the time. The crime films outnumber the horror, and include not just thrillers but crime-related dramas like American Beauty and Boys Don't Cry. Bissette also includes coverage of experimental film-makers such as Maya Deren.
I expected an interesting collection of movie reviews from this book, but I didn't expect to encounter a film writer who is so informative, challenging, stimulating and amusing. What U.S. movie, which reputedly cost less than $1000 to make, provided the direct inspiration for the incredibly popular The Blair Witch Project? Does E. Elias Merhige's The Shadow of the Vampire amount to an attempted character assassination of genius director F. W. Murnau? What are Bissette's biggest turn-ons and turn-offs when it comes to sex in the cinema? Which are the world's worst Christmas movies? You'll learn all this and more and, no doubt, end up with many additions to your "must see" movie list.
This is a great little collection of horror stories.
"Siren Song" grabbed me right away and took me somewhere I wasn't expecting to go.
"The Buzz" was my favourite. A gem of a story invoking unspeakable horrors.
"The Wedding Album" may come across as a little forced due to the large amount of exposition that needs to be expressed in a brief span of dialogue, but this detracts only slightly from another imaginative and memorable story.
This collection of essays by a wide range of authors who have independently published their work, in some cases to quite spectacular financial success, provides plenty of inspiration and invaluable practical advice for those thinking of doing the same. There is much to be learned also by those of us who have already dipped our toes in the water.
Various approaches to self-publishing are covered. And there are both tales of triumph and of disaster. We get a chance to learn from other's mistakes. And these authors also generously share their hard-won secrets. And the vibrant personalities of the contributors mean that the book is a pleasure to read. It is wonderful to see that the self-publishing revolution has empowered such a wide range of creative individuals.
Of course there is repetition of advice at times across the contributions, but this reinforcement can be useful when there is so much to learn.
Poor Jack! There is so little of him to go around when the women fighting over his sexual favours are 70 feet tall. This series of stories is over-flowing with outrageous sexual slapstick courtesy of Janno's giant-sized imagination. The fourth volume, which appeared here for the first time, but is also available on its own, fills in the backstory of the giantesses, describes a hell of a cat-fight and then wraps the whole tale up nicely.
A fine example of what I would call psychological erotica. A simple event effects the characters in a way which exposes buried insecurities and unacknowledged desires.
Although the sexual content is mild, the level of eroticism is high by story's end because of the way the story mines the substrata of erotic desire which so often goes unexpressed beneath polite social interaction.
Ian Watson begins this collection of exploitation movie reviews with a diatribe against academics who claim to find deep sociological messages buried within low brow drive-in movies. I couldn't agree more. Exploitation movies have always been a clever way to make money for film-makers who didn't have the money or expertise to make movies that would bring in the audiences without gratuitous scenes of sex and gore and men in cheap gorilla outfits. Writing post-modernist analyses of these films as discourse is a dishonest way of getting to enjoy a marathon of boob and blood fests while writing a doctoral thesis when everyone else has to watch Ingmar Bergman or Robert Bresson films.
But the essays here tell you what you really want to know about why the movies are worth checking out. Some are famous, some obscure. They are divided into four sections covering horror, blaxploitation, films liable to shock, and the sexy ones. But the emphasis is on horror in each of the sections. There are only a couple of non-horror blaxploitation films and one non-horror-related sexploitation film covered. Fun all the way!
I didn't find this book entirely satisfying, but what it does well it does very well indeed. Campbell manages to take us inside the mind of a paranoid homophobic murderer. The main horror is to feel what it would be like to be driven by fear, alienation and obsession to commit horrific acts. Horridge is very clearly a product of his environment, as much a victim as those he stalks. He has been consigned to live in an inhuman council estate, having been filled with hateful attitudes by his late father and having no positive forms of social contact which might change those attitudes. The real horror here is of the collapse of community. Horridge is like those individuals we so often end up reading about in the newspaper - they fall out of the habit of healthy communication with others (and which of us will bother to make the effort to interact with someone disagreeable and maybe kind of creepy) and so they drift further and further into bitter isolation until one day they pick up a gun and start killing people. When our cities and our culture become dehumanising and alienating it is all too easy for fear-based hatreds to dominate our minds and our behaviour.
One of the highlights of the book is a blackly humorous passage in which homophobic Horridge visits the cinema and decides to see a horror film. The film he picks - The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
The story is not entirely told from the point of view of Horridge. Some chapters are from the point of view of other characters. This was no doubt necessary in order to tell the story, but it makes the narrative feel fragmented, and these chapters are never as interesting as the ones from Horridge's point of view. The fact that the climax of the novel is from the point of view of another character makes it quite disappointing. Also, all of the drawn-out accounts of Horridge travelling from place to place on the bus and other characters walking in the park, while it helps to reinforce the drabness of their lives, is still a bit dull to actually read.
While the novel may be seriously flawed, the remarkably believable and disturbing depiction of the psychology of the lead character makes it worth seeking out for fans of this type of horror.
Please Note : There are some very annoying peculiarities in the epub version of this ebook (I don't know about the Kindle or PDF versions). Many words and chapter headings appear twice. In the text this generally occurs where words have a U.S. or English spelling. Both spellings will be run together as one word, e.g. "programprogrammes". I recommend checking out a sample carefully before buying it. I ploughed through it regardless but it made for a very frustrating experience.
If you liked Book One in this series then you are bound to enjoy Book Two as well. Nikki Blaise is a talented storyteller who relates more of her wild encounters as a sex-o-gram. Some of her customers are on the rough or sleazy side, but Nikki's playful personality and a tender scene with a lover provide a sweet balance.
Demon-seducing angel Gloria made her first appearance in KC Burns' Horny Halloween collection of stories. Here she returns in an atmospheric and suspenseful tale set in New Orleans during the time of the First World War.
The setting is effortlessly sketched in with a few key details and the story is full of the eroticism of forced orgasm postponement (for our heroine) and the explosion of unrestrained passion in those who fall within the reach of her demon-fuelled glamour.
Here's hoping there are more instalments to follow. An immortal being like Gloria has no doubt had adventures in many places and many times.
What do you get in this book? Twenty film reviews written by a penis. Not bad considering he must have had to use the hunt and peck typing method.
The book is divided into three sections - WTF? (assorted mind-blowing cinematic weirdness such as Blood Freak (1972), probably the world's only pro-Jesus anti-drug turkey monster gore film) ; Action Zeroes (some of the world's worst so-called action movies such as Invasion, U.S.A. (1985), in which Chuck Norris took on the entire Cuban army virtually single-handed) ; and Film, Sleaze, Trash & Cheese (low grade/high entertainment horror films such as I Drink Your Blood (1970), in which a town is terrorised by rabid hippies).
"Ol' Painless" pays tribute to some old favourites, draws attention to some hidden gems, and bravely ventures into territory where you may not wish to follow - Ebola Syndrome (1996)!?!?!! Yikes!
It's only a fairly short book... but size isn't everything!
This story is less absurd than the first in the series - Sex Raft. It is also sexier. An over-the-top male fantasy of being forced into group sex with gorgeous women. It sets out to be silly sexy fun and hits its target.
These silly stories get better with each instalment. How will the high and horny crew of the sex yacht deal with being kidnapped by vicious pirates? Well, whatever the solution turns out to be you just know it is going to involve sex, sex and more sex.
This final story in the Sexy Sea Adventures series is the funniest and sexiest. Josh has to deliver a horny virgin girl intact to a tribe living at the top of a volcano. Presumably she is to be a sacrifice. His frustration as she keeps telling him in detail about the things he isn't allowed to do to her was very titillating and had me laughing out loud.
This is a very good first story. Theatrical costume manager Donna doesn't expect her curviness to light such a fire in a handsome actor. When it does, the results are warmly and playfully romantic and sexy.
Wherein lies the sexiness of the nerd. I remember the movie Revenge of the Nerds where it was revealed that the nerds were great in bed because, while the jocks were obsessing over football, the nerds were obsessing over sex. On the other hand, there is the cliche that nerds think of nothing but Star Trek and computer games. If all the attendees at a comic book convention were laid end to end for most of them it would be the first time, goes the classic joke.
Nikki Palmer has done a great job of honing in on the sexiness of the geek. These characters are mostly very unsure of themselves. They are shy, and shyness often has its roots in the enormity of repressed sexual desire. The geeks in these stories are opportunities for erotic bliss just waiting to happen.
Frannie just wants someone who doesn't mind the fact that she has no breasts. She finds a shy geek who is surprised to be subject of her lust.
Priscilla isn't a geek herself, but she has a fetish about them. She's the prize in a computer game tournament. Priscilla's enough to get any red-blooded male playing obsessively with his Play Station hoping to meet the challenge.
Becky is a computer nerd who plays a very sexy game on a guy she cybers with.
Norman and Nelson are inexperienced lab partners who secretly fall in love with each other, but being sexually inexperienced they decide to seek out strangers through a computer dating site to experiment with before admitting their passion. What happens is not exactly unexpected but it is plenty of fun.
Tara is a girl who has a craving for a computer tech at her work, so she wears no panties and gets him to crawl under her desk to service her computer. It's the oldest trick in the book and, not surprisingly, it works a treat.
There is a warm generosity to these stories. Everyone gets more than just sexual satisfaction, they also get a warmly emotional happy ending. Erotic stories about insecure characters can be more exciting and joyful than those in which one of the lead characters is too full of pride over his or her sexual prowess to really open up and have fun with a partner.
One of my favourites of Janno's stories so far. There is a sense of mystery as our hero discovers that a gorgeous woman who works out at his gym is a submissive who will follow his every order. In this first story we don't learn a lot about her other than her occupation, but the story builds to a very exciting climax as he pushes her towards an act which frightens her but arouses her so much she can't say no. I can't wait to find out where Janno takes these characters in future instalments.
'"These Hellkittens know how to party," Donna says. "I feel dirtier than a pigsty in July."'
This is liable to be the reaction also of discriminating smut readers. With the use of the present tense to give a sense of immediacy and the staccato sentences to conjure up an attitude of Mickey Spillane-like toughness, Asia Aguirre has created an erotic short story with a vintage feel. It has camp appeal with its tale of switch-blade wielding bikini-clad bad girls. But the mix of violent power games and raunchy sex really delivers the erotic goods. These girls throw themselves into sex with an all-consuming enthusiasm, and Aguirre describes it in a way which is both delightfully dirty and seductively sensual. At times she even achieves a touch of the jazz-influenced transcendence found in the writing of the Beats.
This story is not nice. It's really not nice. On a scale of how not nice something can be, this would not even appear because it isn't nice enough to appear on such a scale. But some of us aren't nice people. This is a story for us.
This short story is about hot nurses but it isn't set in a hospital. Amy and Susan work for a private nursing company and their first job is to help a heavy metal rock star with his hangover.
Unfortunately, there isn't much of a story and it is told in a clumsy way in which the narrative swaps between Amy and Susan to no great purpose. Once the sex starts it is uninhibited and described with enthusiasm, but unfortunately that isn't enough to make for a very memorable story, especially as it finishes with "To be continued..." just as an orgy is beginning. If a sequel was planned it hasn't so far materialised.
In this first story in a six part series, an American nurse is kidnapped by an Afghani warlord. It's a story which is of the present day but also harks back to the days of Rudolph Valentino's Sheik kidnapping women and taking them back to his tent for some passionate love-making.
A thriller narrative played straight, when combined with a villain who tortures women by tying them up for a bit of tickling and toe sucking, makes for playful absurdity. But how sexy you will find this opening episode depends on how much of a tickle freak or foot fetishist you are.
A widowed mom takes a job as substitute teacher in a town called Serenade Springs and moves there with her three grown daughters. The house which goes with the job seems far too luxurious, and the residents of the town seem a little strange. The first sign of this is that a couple of the neighbourhood women bring over a welcome basket full of sex toys.
Molly Prude (although the book is in the third person the author uses her main character's name as her pseudonym) knows how to really draw you in and keep you intrigued with this story which is reminiscent of both Ira Levin's "The Stepford Wives" (which gets mentioned) and Ray Bradbury's "Something Wicked This Way Comes". But, unlike those stories, the Kinky Mom series also delivers wildly hot and kinky sex.
If you read this story, I bet you won't be able to stop until you've read them all. And then you may re-run the highlights in your mind for some time to come.
Curiouser and curiouser gets Molly Prude's tale of a mom and her daughters trying to make sense of a town full of perpetually young people whose lives revolve around sex.
Molly attends a book club which has very little to do with reading books. Angela falls for a member of some kind of underground resistance organisation. Rebbecca finds that her job with the Malt Shop requires her to do deliveries in a very humiliating costume. And Kelly goes snooping and finds something disturbing in their next door neighbour's closet.
Clue by clue the mystery of Serenade Springs begins to unfold. And at every step our heroines find themselves taking part in, and enjoying, a variety of raunchy and kinky acts.
In the third instalment of the "Kinky Mom" series, Molly Prude comes to realise the seriousness of the predicament she and her daughters are in. If they don't orgasm at least three times a day the consequences could be dire.
Angela gets chased by sinister forces and has to pose as a stripper. Kelly finds a way to get her boyfriend into town. And Molly attends an orgiastic pool party.
Have they found an erotic Shangri-La or are they caught in a sinister spell? Either way, their erotic encounters are the stuff of wet dreams.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any wilder, it does, in the fourth part of the "Kinky Mom" series.
Kelly's boyfriend Corey thinks he's in heaven when he finds out how the town of Serenade Springs works. But Rebbecca's life is in danger. And to save her, Molly will have to take one for the team in the most unexpected of ways.
Suspenseful, funny and deliciously dirty, the "Kinky Mom" series never disappoints.
The "Kinky Mom" series reaches its literally explosive climax as Molly and her girl's take on the evil force at work in the town of Serenade Springs.
There are hard choices to be made by some of the characters as the time comes to take a stand. And if our heroines are going to have the strength they need for the final battle, they'll need their full quota of orgasms.
The climax is genuinely nerve-wracking. And it is sad to arrive at the end of this adventure, but no doubt Molly Prude has something else equally tantalising up her sleeve.
There are many stories of maids or cleaners of various kinds finding themselves in erotic situations because of their work. After all, they enter their client's intimate space.
In this story, Zoey finds herself in a compromising situation through very bad timing. But she's a young woman who knows what she wants and is capable of grace under pressure.
An edge of awkwardness and power play lends suspense to the tale of a steamy sexual encounter.
A young woman goes on holiday with three of her female workmates. When discussing sex, she admits to having a fantasy about being caught naked. So her friends offer to pay for her part of the holiday if she obeys all of their orders. They make her travel naked and expose herself to college boys. And when they get to their motel room, the game gets more extreme.
The subject matter keeps it interesting. The story is told in the sometimes clumsy manner of the lead character, which at least gives it a kind of immediacy. Still, there is little to make it stand out from the crowd.
What makes this story is the blatancy of its pandering and its sense of its own absurdity.
A hot and hunky man wakes up to find that his hot and spunky stepdaughter is practically falling out of her minuscule bikini while trying to get him up so he can take her to the beach with her hot friends who all have a crush on him. A bit of innocent wrestling and whoops it all turns into some very un-fatherly and un-daughterly behaviour.
The cartoonish nature of the story removes it from the realm of the uncomfortable and transforms it into a bad taste romp without detracting from its sexiness. The narrating hero compares the girth of his erect appendage to that of a Coke can and yet his stepdaughter is able to deep throat it. A lot of women have big mouths, but I've never met one who could fit a whole Coke can in there!
The book also contains a teaser for the sequel. Unfortunately, over two years later, that has not appeared in its entirety.
Author A. K. Anders is forced to go into hiding when it turns out that a book of his may have accidentally revealed the intimate secrets of a public figure. A hiding place is arranged for him in a central London cellar. Sensory deprivation starts to send him round the twist. But then he finds himself joined by a very sexy fellow fugitive.
A. K. Anders knows how to tell a story. He takes his time to draw us into the situation, with just a hint of dry humour. And the erotic encounter, when it happens, is sweetly tender and scorchingly intense.
Picking up where the last episode left off in its over-the-top parody of feminism and various other forms of political correctness, this is one of the funniest of the series. A gender war burlesque completely unmarred by subtlety of any kind.
Today, film-makers can do virtually anything with special effects, and it's something we are getting used to. How often do we look at the screen and exclaim "I can't believe what I'm seeing!"? But check out some of the "masterpieces" of man-in-monster-suit madness profiled in this little book of cult film reviews and you'll find yourself saying just that. From "Robot Monster" in 1953 to "The Galaxy Invader" in 1985, here is a tasty selection of tawdry treasures humorously presented and a with a due respect for the critical importance of trivia.
Works of cinematic artistry are sometimes labours of love, the auteurs responsible for them feeling it their duty to provide benighted humanity with edification and inspiration. This volume in Ian Watson's on-going series of brief ebook collections of trash movie reviews deals with a different kind of artistry more akin to alchemy - the quest to turn excrement into gold.
From Dwain Esper's "Maniac", which claimed to be an educational film about mental illness and does indeed give the impression that it's maker had first hand experience of insanity, to Al Adamson's "Satan's Sadists", a biker film shamelessly passed off in some of its advertising as a film about the Manson killings because it was coincidentally partly filmed on Manson's Spahn Ranch. And then there is Godfather of Gore Herschell Gordon Lewis who, having got as much mileage as he could out of displaying the outsides of young women's bodies in his nudist camp films decided the only way forward was to expose the messy stuff inside them in "Blood Feast". And Jerry Warren whose horror and sci-fi films were promoted with sensational posters promising undreamed off thrills but in fact were so lifeless they made Andy Warhol look like Michael Bay.
Some of these movies you are going to want to rush out and watch or re-watch after reading the reviews. With others, it may be a case of Watson having watched them so you don't have to.
While it leaves a little to be desired in the story-telling and dialogue, this is a very sexy story with an imaginative twist to it.
To tell the story of a taboo relationship and yet have it entered into casually without any significant resistance or inner-struggle on the part of the non-initiating partner is a waste. We need more of a "will he or won't he" period to the story. Of course we know he will or there would be no story. But knowing that the hero of an adventure will survive doesn't stop us from being excited when he is hanging from a cliff.
There is also some clumsiness in the wording, but this can perhaps be excused by the fact that the story is being told by a young protagonist who doesn't share her love object's gift with words.
All of this is quickly forgotten in the heat of the raunchy sex, so I'll definitely be reading more of this series.
A self-conscious college student, who spends most of his spare time studying in the library, one day happens to witness a passionate sexual encounter between two girls between the library stacks. This acts as a catalyst for him to make a renewed effort to experience the kind of sexual debauchery which is supposed to be synonymous with college life. Humiliation and disaster ensue, until a surprise revelation sets him on the path to the realisation of his erotic dreams.
This short novel is often laugh-out-loud funny, with the kind of gross-out humour you will find in classic college sex comedies, but also with eroticism and romance which is all the more powerful for the awkwardness with which our main character opens up to it.
Emma Reese is a very talented and assured writer and I hope she will decide to go ahead with her proposed sequel to this story.
When a movie makes a lot of money there is always a strong incentive to make a sequel. It is hard for Hollywood to resist the temptation to return to the well. In this volume, Ian Watson, looks at those cases where studios not only returned to the well, they poisoned it. Sequels are already suspect, but these are the sequels which give even sequels a bad name. However, if what you are looking for is a sense of wonder at human stupidity, greed and ineptitude, and plenty of belly laughs, you've come to the right place.
The premise of this book is that the author has discovered a series of tapes while renovating a building and found them to be the session tapes of a sex therapist. Each records the doctor's discussions with a different patient, each of them suffering from some form of sexual dilemma.
Anders has created a fascinating book full of memorable characters and the incidents which they relate, ranging from the truly shocking to the highly erotic. While the emphasis is on discussing and solving problems, all of the stories contain at least one erotic passage in which the patient relates an experience or fantasy.
Beyond the titillation, each story is like an intriguing mystery in which we wonder how the character will find a resolution to their central problem. Some represent variations upon a theme - we have more than one young woman who engages in reckless promiscuity as a form of rebellion against authority figures, and a couple of care-givers who are led by compassion to provide unauthorised sexual services to those they are tending. But in each case, a difference of circumstance or personality brings a varied slant on that theme.
And you will find yourself caring about these characters and relating to their dilemmas. One of the stories in particular turns out to be very moving in an unexpected way.
This episode in the Sexy Giant series introduces a charming and funny new character as the giantesses decide that one human sex toy is not enough to keep them satisfied. Jack dissuades them from their plan to lure another man into their realm in favour of a woman. But will a shoe-obsessed young woman be keen on the idea being plunged head-first into giantess vagina? The introduction of this new character promises that future stories will be even more fun.
The author specialises in erotica, and there is an erotic element to this story which comes in towards the end, but mostly it is a cute and funny monster fantasy. If your housework has ever gotten on top of you you may well be able to relate.
Monster erotica has become a popular sub genre. I haven't read much of it, though, as a monster fan, I'm curious. The question is always one of whether it's appeal goes beyond that of a cheesy gimmick.
This is the first of a proposed series of erotic monster stories by Shauna Michaels, who credits her husband and editor John as a co-creator. Here the object of desire for our young heroine Abigail is that reclusive and hirsute denizen of the snowy mountain peaks, the Yeti or Abominable Snowman. She has helped her father to capture the beast, now after months of studying it, her father has left her to look after it while he goes to get the men he needs to transport it to civilisation. But to Abigail it is not an "it" but a "him". She feels sympathy for the sensitive beast, and also lust. Will she dare to unlock the door that separates them?
One way to go with this kind of story would be to make it an adventure with sex thrown in. That is not what the author has done here. The story of the yeti's capture and the experiments on it is told in flashback interspersed with present tense passages in which Abigail wrestles with her desires. The details are well-established, but the suspense and excitement is all related to the sexual elements of the story. Will Abigail's father catch her engaging in some heavy petting with their specimen through the food slot? Is sexual intercourse with a yeti too dangerous for a human woman?
It's closer in nature to a romance than an adventure tale. A bond forms between two individuals. Something stands between them. Will they get together, and if they do, will it be all they hope for? And there is just the right touch of cheeky humour.
I hope the Monstertantra series will be a long-running one.
George is a pizza delivery guy, dropping off his last order on a wet and miserable day. Gwen, his sexy lady customer, doesn't have change. Neither does her sister, Robyn, or her friend Jill. Over-excited by Gwen's flirty manner and a brief glimpse of Robyn in her undies, George makes the mistake of suggesting that the ladies pay for the pizza with sexual services. The women decide he needs to be punished. Of course in this kind of story, you just know he's liable to enjoy his punishment so much that it is more like a reward. But the ladies' interest is not really in the rehabilitation of chauvinistic young men, it's in securing a plaything to meet their wildest desires.
While the writing occasionally leaves a little to be desired - the odd badly constructed sentence - this is made immaterial by the fact that the story is so much fun. If shameless pandering to the fantasies of the reader is what erotica is all about, and this is especially the case with fetish erotica, then this story is the real deal.
As women in CFNM (clothed female nude male) fetish stories go, these women are fairly soft-hearted. They put our hero in his place, and make him pay a price for his pleasures, but don't resort to anything painful enough to contravene the Geneva Convention.
This is a world were nobody seems to acknowledge that sister-sister incest is a taboo and where confirmed lesbianism is instantly cured by a mouthful of something which begins with "p" but isn't pizza.
I'll definitely be reading all the rest of Jan Osah's CFNM series.
The title of Ian Watson's latest collection of movie reviews is appropriate. Crack is a drug which gives an instant but short lived high, and its addictiveness stops users from caring about much else. The motivating force of life is the pleasure principle. We decide what to do in our lives on the basis of what is likely to give us short-term or long-term pleasure and allow us to avoid suffering. Often this produces healthy results. We strive to do something well in order to enjoy the fruits of our labour. But what happens if we are rewarded for doing the wrong thing instead of the right thing? This is the problem with crack. Crack rewards anything you do that gets you more crack.
So what does this have to do with movies? The way the movie industry is supposed to work is that the filmmakers try to make movies which will please their audiences, and if they do, the audiences reward them with money. In theory, as with natural selection in the animal kingdom, the health of the system is fostered by the fact that those able to function well survive and those who can't don't. All of this depends on the selectivity of movie patrons. If we pay to see bad movies, we'll get more bad movies. Many of the movies reviewed in this book are sequels or remakes or based on video games. Title recognition has become a major factor in what movies get made and, often, which ones are a success. A new Godzilla or Robocop or Nightmare on Elm Street may be good or bad, but many of us will feel we better check it out anyway. We wouldn't want to miss it if it's good, and we wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to bitch about it with fellow fans if it isn't. Which means we all go and its a success whether its good or bad.
And some of the movies reviewed are themselves like crack. There is no rich fabric of life experience for a crackhead. There is only the momentary explosions of excitement. Just like the explosions that dominate a Michael Bay movie. Blockbuster movies are often compared to amusement park rides. Some have even been based on amusement park rides. But if we went on the roller coaster every day we would quickly get bored with roller coasters. We never get sick of stories, but we are going to get progressively more desensitised to, and thus bored with, sensory overload entertainment.
These themes run through the reviews here, but Watson's aim is not to undertake a deep and meaningful examination of this phenomenon. His aim is to make us laugh with his acid sarcasm and bitchy digs at those responsible for some of the most shameless excuses for cinema of recent years.
On Paris Hilton :
"...Hilton, who's spent all that time and money keeping herself in the public eye, should consider investing in a second facial expression."
On Halloween : The Curse of Michael Myers (1995) :
"One shouldn't mock the afflicted, but Halloween 6 is kinda like watching a Nazi biker attempt to explain Mein Kampf to a masturbating chimpanzee - indefensible, but also weirdly compelling in its own twisted way."
Along with the shoddy horror remakes, crass would-be comedies and relentlessly unthrilling action films, Watson also levels his scorn at one film which was a critic's darling at the time of its release. You'll have to read the book to find out which, but I agree with his take on it.
While Watson doesn't recommend us to see most of the films he reviews here, there are some he offers up as unintentionally hilarious gems of ineptitude. I think there are a few which I enjoyed more than he did. It may be a shameful confession but I love The Color of Night (1994) and Sorority Row (2009). And I remember thinking that the Michael Bay produced Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) was a pretty intense thrill-ride. Hell, I even had fun with Armageddon (1998), though not enough to have ever revisited it. Mostly, though, I found myself in agreement with Watson's assessments of those movies I'd seen.
Why read a book which only reviews bad movies, most of which are bad in unenjoyable ways? Because, in the fire of Watson's flamboyantly articulate scorn you may find catharsis and thus healing for all of the pain inflicted by having so often shelled out your hard earned money to see "a limp wet fart of a movie".*
*The Hitcher (2007)
When Avaline, a sexy girl in her early twenties, discovers that Gerry, a man in his forties, has been using his webcam to spy on her through her bedroom window, she and her cousin Louise decide to teach him a lesson. Either he submits to their sadistic whims or they'll call the police.
My favourite three fiction genres are humour, horror and erotica, and CFNM (clothed female nude male) erotica stories like this one are a bit of all three. I found myself chuckling at Gerry's plight. I cringed in horror when Avaline and Louise did terrible things to his bottom. And I was turned on by all the raunchy sex.
One thing that I like about the two CFNM stories of Jan Osah's that I've read so far (and I hope this isn't too much of a spoiler) is that the power balance is righted by the end of the story.
One problem that can occur with dominance and submission themed stories is that, if one party remains always in the dominant role and the other in the submissive role there isn't much of a dynamic to the story and it can be dull. Gerry doesn't want to be submissive. He abuses a situation of power over Avaline, without her knowledge. When he is caught, the power shifts as a result and he must submit to the will of the two women, something which he finds arousing as well as humiliating and painful. But once atonement has been made, everyone gets what they want without anyone being in a dominant or submissive position.
CFNM stories like this one, in their own over-the-top way, present an optimistic view of the battle of the sexes. A man treats women as nothing but sex objects. Instead of simply criticising him and thus driving him away, she treats him as a sex object, which means that he has a chance to see things from the other perspective, but at the same time she realises that she likes treating men the way he liked treating women. They are really not so unalike after all. Thus a kind of Jungian wholeness and harmony is achieved, along with a lot of non-oppressive bonking.
Or perhaps I'm reading too much into what is, essentially, just kinky porn.
When an act of sabotage causes her to pop out of her Pikachu costume, uninhibited nerd girl Buffy Zelous becomes all the rage of the comic book convention.
This is a very brief story but told with winning enthusiasm. It ends with the prospect of raunchier shenanigans to take place at the After Party, which will be related in the next story.
When sex-crazed nerd girl Buffy Zelous attends a showing of "Akira" at her college's Anime Club, she gets drunk on shots and agrees to perform a striptease. The film is stopped so that she can strip and masturbate for the all-male audience. The story ends with her about to put on a sex show with one of the guys, which is related in another story.
The plot and characterisations may be slight, but if you like stories about slutty anime fans, you'll want to check it out. I know that the prospect of something like this happening is the only thing which would induce me to try watching "Akira" again.
Goldie is angry about the fact that her father was driven away by her mother's promiscuous behaviour. When her mother brings home a new man, Goldie finds herself with conflicting feelings. Her resentment of him is tempered by the unexpected growth of exhibitionistic desires. How far will she go to explore these new feelings?
This story is very well-written. Candace Mia has done a great job of taking us into the interior world of her central character and building tension as she struggles with her unfamiliar feelings. What surprised me a little is that the story didn't go as far as I was expecting. Since it is the first of a series, I think this is a good thing. Too often an author will go all out with the first story and the later ones become more of the same. This feels like the beginning of a story which will build in intensity with each instalment.
Frank and Dave's female working companions have a "respond in kind" approach to sexual harassment, but with 25 of them and only two misbehaving males it is hardly an even match. When Frank slaps the bottom of a waitress during the work Xmas party, and Dave responds approvingly, it is the final straw. If the pair are going to redeem themselves and keep their jobs, they will need not only to submit to all kinds of humiliation but also fully satisfy the lusts of the drunk and demanding damsels.
The novelty in this entry in Jan Osah's enjoyable CFNM series is the sheer number of female tormentors. This means that we don't get a chance to really know them as individuals. Some are briefly sketched in, while others are nameless extras in the crowd. The story is more about the experience of being caught up in a sea of rampant female sexuality than the detailed portrayal of a group of individuals, and yet the personalities of those who play the major roles are effectively displayed in their actions and raunchy dialogue.
The stamina of Dave and Frank may exceed the bounds of probability, but realism is hardly the major selling point of these stories. There is plenty of variety to the sexual acts which the pair are required to perform on the women and which are performed on them. There are competitions and prizes to be won. The question this story raises, to a greater degree even than other CFNM stories, is : "Can you have too much of a good thing?" It may be the season to be jolly, but will these two merry gentlemen ever get a chance to rest?
When Rod nervously asks his wife Charlotte if he can go to a CFNM (clothed female nude male) party, he is surprised when, after a little hesitation, she agrees. The condition is that he let her blindfold him and tie him to the kitchen table for her own pleasure first. She uses him, but doesn't untie him. Hours later she returns home with five of her friends. It's a CFNM party, but not the way Rod had imagined it. He is bound and at the mercy of women he will never see. And the proceedings are being filmed.
Charlotte uses her husband's desperation to fulfil his fantasy to unleash her inner dominatrix. Is she really this sadistic by nature, or is she putting on an act? What is certain is that poor Rod comes in for some vicious treatment, from humiliating comments about the diminutive size of his generative organ to the cruel and unusual use of a carrot. As is usually the case in these stories, however, he learns that such abuse can serve to enhance his sexual pleasure.
The fantasies presented in this entry in Jan Osah's CFNM series (bondage, blindfold, carrot, etc.) may not be the ones I favour in this kind of story, but there is plenty of erotic and raunchy action and the usual amusement involved in the pervert in peril scenario, so it still gets my recommendation.
A medical examination involving a sexy female doctor is a standard CFNM (clothed female nude male) fantasy, but also one of the most absurd. This isn't a problem, the extremity of a story's bending of the rules of reality to pander to the male reader's fantasies is all part of the fun.
Here we have not just a sexy doctor, but also a pair of young student doctors, all of whom have a polymorphous enjoyment of sex and a complete lack of scruples about taking advantage of male patients, not to mention keeping sick patients waiting while they engage in energetic, messy and orgiastic sex all over the examination room.
In reality, when we go to see the doctor, we tend to be sick, worried or in pain. Doctor's examination rooms aren't that sexy. I do remember a very sexy optometrist sparking a fantasy about what could take place in the intimacy of an eye test room, but I can't ever remember fantasising about a doctor.
This story is a little shorter than most in the series, but there is no shortage of sexy action. This is a healthy specimen of the CFNM erotica story, but beware, it may raise your blood pressure.
The first book in Series 2 of the Kinky Mom series picks up where the first series left off. Molly and her daughters escaped from Serenade Springs, but the evil that lurked there has survived. In fact it is now spreading across the globe. Molly finds herself in a underground high security military prison and under interrogation. Can she persuade her captors of what really happened? And where are her daughters?
This first instalment delivers the intrigue and shocks to keep you hanging on every word, especially now that the threat is of Doomsday proportions. How Molly and her daughters will find a way to meet this challenge I can't imagine. And there are a few hot sex scenes to whet our appetite for what is no doubt to come as the story builds to its climax in future episodes.
The zombie movie is now an overworked genre. Like it's antagonists, by all rights it should have expired, but it continues to stumble on, apparently bent on world domination.
While there is some fun to be had with a slick Hollywood spectacular like "World War Z", it is only in delving back into the primordial slime of the Italian rip-offs of George Romero's original "Night of the Living Dead" and "Dawn of the Dead" that we realise the degree to which competence and good taste can impede a film's entertainment value.
Of the film's reviewed here my favourite is probably "Zombie Creeping Flesh" (1980). Where else will you see a zombie stick his hands in someone's mouth and poke their eyeballs out from the inside?
Watch out! If you read this book you may find yourself being eaten alive by a passion for watching the films of Lucio Fulci, Bruno Mattei, Umberto Lenzi et al.
Some bad movies can use lack of budget and an inability to acquire the services of skilled actors as a defence. Not so the movies reviewed here. They were major productions, often with big stars, which missed the mark of providing the kind of entertainment they intended and yet succeeded in providing unintended laughs. Some of them are from director's who have produced great films - e.g. John Frankenheimer and Dario Argento - others represent a failed chance at the big time from those who specialised in trashy drive-in flicks - e.g. Hal Needham and William Girdler.
Ian Watson's movie reviews are often at their most entertaining and always at their most useful when alerting us to tasty trash that may have previously escaped our attention. These are not the most obscure of movies, but there is a good chance that at least some of them will have slipped past even the most scrupulous of trash aficionados. In fact, the only film reviewed here that I've actually seen is "Anaconda".
Just in case "The Expendables" weren't expendable enough for you, here is Ian Watson's guide to films which showcase some of the least impressive purveyors of heroic screen violence from the last few decades. There are Hollywood productions as well as some of the tastiest dishes from the East and from our friends in Italy, and even Ray Dennis Steckler's cinema-released home movie "Ratfink a Boo Boo" (1966).
The world has been flooded with action movies from the 1960s onwards. Which ones are actually worth watching? If you are a fan of the deranged, the tasteless and the hilariously incompetent, Ian Watson has done you an inestimable service by separating the truly entertaining chaff from the merely watchable wheat.
It's Carl's 18th birthday. When the shy virgin teenager is sent on an errand to deliver a parcel to one of his mother's workmates he falls into the hands of a pair of twin sisters. They insist on drying his wet clothes, one thing leads to another, and soon they are introducing him to the pleasures of the flesh. This pair of thirty-somethings scold him, tease him and call him a "little boy". And it isn't long before one of them is donning her dominatrix outfit. It is not only a birthday Carl will never forget, it turns out to be the start of an exciting career in the delivery of pleasure to women.
This second entry in Jan Osah's CFNM series is loads of fun. The dynamic is similar to the later "CFNM Pizza Delivery", which is also recommended to anyone who enjoys this story.
A poor pathetic pervert finds that he has wandered into the lion's den when he unwittingly tries to pilfer the panties of a policewoman. Carla arrives home, accompanied by three fellow officer girlfriends to find her apartment trashed and dastardly Dick trying to make off with a pair of her lacy undergarments. She and her friends decide to take the law into their own hands. The get him naked, boss him around, inflict some backdoor truncheon terror and, finally, make him do some community service on their... well you get the idea.
Dick comes in for some pretty harsh treatment, but there is plenty of ecstasy to go with the agony. And, as in the earlier CFNM Pizza Delivery our hero gets the pleasure of being the focus of a previously confirmed lesbian's discovery of the joys of servicing and being serviced by the male appendage.
Having a man completely at their mercy has a liberating effect on these women. They lose inhibitions and surrender to the satisfaction of their lust for pleasure. Will this experience rehabilitate Dick? Hard to tell. But all together this is an arresting story. (See what I did there?)
It's likely that you've seen a bunch of the movies reviewed in this book. Some of them you probably wish you hadn't. Once again, Ian Watson boldly plunges into the wasteland of worthless cinema. At least that's the idea. Not everyone will agree on his assessments. Personally, I'm a fan of The Colour of Night and Sorority Row. Still, I'm glad to see him kicking a bit of the stuffing out of the over-rated Black Swan. You'll find a few old trash favourites like Dracula Vs. Frankenstein, but mostly in this volume he's concentrated on the miasma of the mainstream.
This second volume in Candace Mia's very long running 18 and... series tells the story of Krista, an 18-year-old with a sexy body and minimal academic potential. She receives the kind of career counselling from her step-brother that she never would have from a school guidance counsellor.
If it weren't so playful this story might have been unpleasantly sleazy. It's not to be taken too seriously, and ends up being charmingly cheeky.
It all started as a lark when Philbert created a nano-technology formula which turned women into big-breasted fellatio-obsessed bimbos. But, over the course of the Bimbo Maker series, it would come to have major consequences for the politics of male/female relations in the U.S. and elsewhere.
Now, the tale reaches planetary dimensions as the formula is the only hope we have to stave off an alien invasion. Green blobs disguised as bimbos are flooding Los Angeles and only Philbert's formula can reveal and explode these interlopers. Think of it as Invasion of the Booby Snatchers.
Janno Jones has once again created a brief but action-packed cartoonish extravaganza.
What will be next. I'm still betting on Bimbos in Space.
My favourite Nikki Palmer stories are the funny ones. The stories here are mostly more serious, but not without some of her playful touches. The theme is group sex, but there is also a strong BDSM theme to some of the stories. While there was nothing that tickled me the way "Naked Natalie" or "Buttcrack Betty" did, all of the stories are entertaining and titillating. The book also contains a bonus story by another author - "Safe With Me, Part 1" by Shaina Richmond, a sweet story which does what a free sample should do - it satisfies while leaving you wanting to read more.
Angela is a greedy girl and a liar. She wants three on-line boyfriends, and she wants each to think he is the only one. She doesn't get away with it, but her punishment isn't necessarily so unpleasant for a girl who is greedy for guys.
There isn't much to this story, but it has Nikki Palmer's unsophisticated charm. Even when she is going for something a bit sleazier and rougher, everyone tends to end up getting what they really wanted anyway.
Alice the Ranch Wife
In the old west, Alice is the new wife of a rancher. Their marriage was arranged, and he is a mean and ugly man. But then she learns that he has a special arrangement in which his ranch hands get entertainment as an incentive to accept lower wages. And she is the one who is responsible for doing the entertaining.
Those who want all of the erotic activity described may be disappointed that the story ends when it does, but it is the establishment of a very sexy situation we can continue to fill in with our own imagination. Those who like raunchy stories involving humiliation will probably enjoy what does take place in the story. I enjoyed that, but it was the happy ending which really put a smile on my face.
Alyssa and Matt are married. Alyssa loves being the centre of attention when Matt has his friends over for a poker night. She loves Matt, but she wants more than he can provide. When he loses all of his money and wants to keep playing, she discovers that she can earn it back with sexual favours for his hot friends. He's a little unsure about the idea, until he finds it turns him on.
Another one of Nikki Palmer's feel-good fantasies, with a charmingly lusty heroine.
Kelli Learns to Be Bad
Kelli decides to break away from her good girl persona. She has sex with a strange black man in the park, which leads her into the world of gang bangs and slave training.
This isn't one of my absolute favourites among Nikki Palmer's stories, because the subject of sex slave training doesn't have a big appeal to me as a fetish, but it has to be said that it is one of her most substantial and action-packed stories. And, once again, the ending made me smile.
Emily is frustrated when her jerk of a boyfriend cancels their date at the last minute. So she takes consolation in a conversation with her on-line friend Dale. Dale offers to come over and make some of her sexual fantasies come true.
Emily has a good time in this story and her fantasies are realised, but the crude to sweet ratio tips a little further toward the crude than appeals to me. A good read but not one of my favourites.
Darci On Campus
College girl Darci is pleasuring herself when she receives a prank call from a male student. Their conversation leads to an invitation to partake of group sex at his place.
Nikki Palmer has written quite a few gang bang stories. This one doesn't really stand out from the crowd, but it is still very sexy yet again it had a smile-inducing final scene.
Brandi is a college girl who is still a virgin. She's in love with her boyfriend Pete. Little does she know that her first sex with him will lead her down the path to becoming a sex slave who will be sold at auction.
This story is very similar in theme and plot to Kelli Learns to be Bad. I liked this one a bit better. With Brandi there is more of a sense of her anxiety at finding herself being subjected to humiliating situations, and also more of a sense of her excitement when she discovers that she is turned on by them. And there is more humour, particularly in the second part of the story when she is a little too honest in her opinions of the sexual prowess of those who sample her at the auction.
Amber is visiting a casino and finds herself disgusted by the blatantly slutty way some women dress there. When she meets a sexy man who claims he can transform her in a week into a woman who will happily dress in such a way in public she takes him up on the challenge.
Another of Nikki Palmer's stories of dominance and submission, filled with raunchy scenes of group sex. The plot won't surprise you, but the action is hot and the dialogue and narrative are particularly elegant and engaging.
This book is pretty bad. A cardboard cutout Republican stockbroker talks at cross-purposes with his wife about Facebook and yoga class and then exposes his erect penis to his Hispanic maid. The attempts at humour are desperate, though I must admit to having chuckled twice. Blatantly racist characters and incompetent attempts at sexual harassment will have that affect on me. Call me a masochist, but I might read some more by the author simply out of curiosity.
Scott, a celebrity snowboarder, finds himself participating in a reality television program set on a tropical island. He and his fiancée are separated and subjected to increasing sexual temptations provided by the shows employees. Couples are eliminated if one party gives in to temptation and has sex on camera. What happens when he gets together with three of the other contestants away from the prying eye of the cameras?
This is a tense erotic tale of flirtation leading to group (including male-male) sex. The male-male element isn't something which really does it for me. There was nothing in the description of the story to indicate it. I don't find it off-putting though, and a situation involving aroused characters being pushed past their comfort barrier and finding they like what they find on the other side makes for exciting reading whether every act described titillates the reader or not.
The fact that the story finishes with the outcome of the game still undecided and with a suggestion of a caper afoot indicates the possibility of a sequel.
Abigail and Britney are friends who share a birthday. On their 18th, they have a slumber party where their friends introduce them to marijuana, ecstasy, naked twister and strap-ons.
This was the first story I read by this author. It's not very good. I'm glad I didn't give up as the next two I read by her were excellent.
There is little to no characterisation in this story. Just a bunch of giggly excited teenage girls distinguishable only by their hair colour. There is no build up to the action during which we might be hooked into some identification with the characters. This might as well be a simple description of a typical teen porn video.
And the descriptions of the action are poorly thought out. For a story to read smoothly we should never for a moment be unsure about what is being said, but here there are lots of examples like this : "At first the redhead felt a little unsure but as Alexis slipped a hand down the front of her jeans and began rubbing there..." Did Alexis slip a hand down her own jeans or down Abigail's jeans? By the time the sentence ends we can work it out, but by that time our mind has been distracted from enjoying the story.
Mary Jane owns a struggling carwash. One day she has the idea to hire some of her sexy female friends to wash cars in skimpy outfits to attract trade. A familiar scenario from the movies [e.g. "Bikini Carwash Company" (1992)] and any number of porno videos. As the girls tease and flirt with each other business booms and their libidos rise. At the end of the day, back in the boss's office the girls let off steam with a lesbian orgy.
There may be nothing original about the theme, but Summers has a way with sexy dialogue and uninhibited descriptions of the sexual activity that makes for a very exciting story. I'm hoping for a sequel in which Mary Jane gets to join in the action.
This cheerfully empassioned rallying cry for the independent erotica author appears to have been written in a fit of manic enthusiasm, hence some sentences which run on and on and the author's "he he" giggling at herself. It is an easy and enjoyable read, and pleasant to spend time with someone who believes so strongly in the empowerment of the individual writer.
On the other hand, if you've ever read anything about how to be a writer you will be familiar with all the key points here and have encountered them in a more articulate presentation.
There is also a mixed message here. On the one hand she says :
"...1000 authors are clamoring to write the next piece of 'Billionaire Erotica' trash and we have titles like 'Owned by the Billionaire' or 'The Billionaire's Bargain' and such crap like that. It's crap make no mistake and while some may think that these authors are on a gravy train the fact is the more of them that dilute the pool and take attention away from better authors the more they're just shooting themselves in the foot."
But later she says :
"Know your audience, know what their expectations are and do your best to fulfil them. What's the reason for the popularity of 50 shades of grey? Well, girls like to fall for a prince or someone powerful, someone other than the ordinary Tom, Dick or Harry."
So how are those who write 50 Shades of Grey knock-offs not following Summers' advice? If there is an audience for billionaire erotica and they know this and are trying to cater to it, how are they any different from Summers' herself when she writes teen erotica because there is a market for that or puts the word "Sluts" in a title because, like the word "billionaire", it attracts sales.
My own advice would be a little different. Write what you would like to read. Use yourself as an indicator of your audience. True, you may be untypical, and your market may thus be more of a niche one, but better to create something original and remain true to yourself than to run the risk of becoming just one more obsequious pandering hack chasing the latest trend.
Summers' writes some hot stories and is an enthusiastic supporter of other writers. Her heart is in the right place.
A e-magazine makes great sense as a medium for the growth of a counter-culture. In the past, community-based newspapers and fanzines have made a major impact, and they had to work with the difficulties of printing and distributing a physical product. E-publishing makes it all so much easier. And, at a time when the mainstream media is dependent on corporate advertising and is pandering to an escapist obsession with celebrity lifestyles, a healthy counter-cultural media is something worth working on.
There is a "Field of Dreams" element to founding a magazine. You provide the forum as a act of faith that more writers will offer their work and a readership will build and, as a result, the magic of community will bless the arena. This first issue is pretty rough, but it shows energy and commitment. I don't know how it may have improved with later issues.
On the plus side, the magazine is not boring. The writing has a sense of enthusiasm. It also deals, at times, with issues that are very important - the debt crisis and the behaviour of Monsanto which may threaten our food security. And there is a real appreciation of fine literature, e.g. the inclusion of Friedrich Schiller's "The Division of the World" as Poem of the Issue.
But there is a lot of room for improvement.
On a practical note, it would be handy if there were an author credit at the beginning of each article. As it is the only clue as to who has written which piece is when the author will say something like "where I live in France" or "as an Australian".
In the discussion of the Poem of the Issue, the author (whichever one it is) says : "Also on the subject of the division of the world's resources it is interesting to note this little quote from the song 'All along the watchtower.' I believe Jimi Hendrix was possibly the first to sing it or Bob Dylan. In any case Bob Dylan was a much better singer and more profound thinker of his generation…” This seems sloppy and lazy when it would only take a minute at Wikipedia to clarify that Bob Dylan wrote the song and was the first to record it.
The article on Glass Steagall and the debt crisis gives a basic explanation of what the Glass Steagall Act was, but doesn’t really make it clear how an enforcement of this act would help with the debt crisis in Europe. The author simply recommends that we “further study this issue as this is something that will be discussed more and more.” This highlights one of the problems here. If there has been a lot written about the issues covered in this magazine, and a good deal of that coverage is no doubt better researched and articulated than what you will find here, what does this magazine have to offer?
The author of “The Big Lie” talks about the poor quality of some Hollywood adaptations of books. It is true that a lot of Hollywood product is dumbed down and sometimes gives a poor impression of some fine source material. But I’m reminded of something a certain itinerant preacher once reputedly said : “It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” Second-rate mainstream Hollywood movies get too much attention as it is, to write more about how bad they are is to contribute to that problem. To his credit, Mikey Lee Ray (I think), tries to encourage the reader to read more books. But what a magazine like this can usefully do is to give coverage to good independent and foreign language movies which have a hard time finding an audience against the big guns with their millions to spend on publicity. And, given what is said elsewhere about the timelessness of quality writing, it would be worth giving some attention to some of the great cinema of the past which is in danger of being forgotten by the current generation.
In “Learn, Survive, Defect”, Mikey Lee Ray (I’m pretty sure) talks a little about Russell Brand’s “Revolution”. He faults Brand for not mentioning someone he himself admires by the name of Lyndon LaRouche. He points out that LaRouche is controversial and relates an anecdote about him. He says that some people have criticised him as “anti-Semitic”. But he gives us no real idea of what LaRouche believes and why we should care about him. He also doesn’t explain why some people call him “anti-Semitic”. Instead he goes off on a tangent about other hated historical figures - Jesus Christ and Jeanne d’Arc. In the absence of any explanation of who LaRouche is, this association with Jesus and the Maid of Orleans means nothing.
After this he goes into a lengthy impassioned account of revolutionary bloodbaths and the oppressive political systems which often have grown out of them. But this seems to be based an a misinterpretation of the passage from Brand’s book which he quotes : “My mate Nik said the first act after a successful Revolution should be the execution of its leaders. Brutal but smart.” Ray seems to interpret this to mean the killing of the overthrown leaders, but it seems clear to me that what Brand is acknowledge is the tendency of those who lead a revolution to become the new oppressors, thus his mate Nik advises that the beneficiaries of a revolution kill their own leaders. I don’t think that Brand really thinks that that should happen. He’s an anarchist. Anarchists “kill” those who would try to lead them or rule over them by refusing to obey. Given Ray’s views on Lenin and Stalin, I would have thought he might agree with the sentiment that the Bolsheviks would have been better off if they had killed their own leaders as soon as the Czar was defeated.
In “The Virtual Beggars” the author complains about on-line advertising, especially while he was watching “Life on Earth” on YouTube. What he doesn’t seem to acknowledge is that the makers of this program deserve an income from their efforts. If he doesn’t want advertising, he can buy the DVD and enjoy the program advertising free, but if the program is presented for free on the net (assuming that this has been done legally and the originators of the program are not being cut out altogether) then there has to be some other method for income to be generated. Having said that, he makes very good points about the counter-productive nature of advertising which annoys potential customers.
Humour is very subjective. There are a lot of attempts at humour in these essays. References to “Infidel Castrato” and “Cliche Guevara” and a suggestion that Hugh Grant (no relation), the CEO of Monsanto might have starred in a movie called “Four Thousand Funerals and a Wedding”, etc. Also asides directed to George W. Bush (“No, Dubya, I’m not talking about you, you liar.”) This kind of smart aleck humour makes me wince rather than laugh, but since there are popular stand-up comedians who specialise in it, I can’t say with any certainty that it is done badly, only that it isn’t to my taste.
Some of the writing here I would categorise as “rants”. The problem with rants is that, while they can be very cathartic for the author writing them, they can come across as over-bearing to the reader. If you are describing the obscene behaviour of a corporation then you should trust that the reader will have their own authentic response of anger, disgust, or whatever. To put your own angry, disgusted, etc. feelings to the forefront can seem like egotism and talking down to your audience.
I loved this warm witty little story about a married woman surprised to find herself succumbing to the temptation to have revenge on her erring husband by picking up a handsome stranger for a wild night of abandon.
What makes it so intoxicatingly sexy is the way the author takes us into the mind and emotions of her lead character. The tension between conscience and concupiscence (and we know which one will win out) ramps up the passion of some very sensually described sex.
Add to that a infectiously cheeky sense of humour, and this is a story not to be missed. I can't wait for more from this new talent.
If you've ever seen the movies "Network" or "Broadcast News" (or if you saw Russell Brand's appearance on MSNBC), you'll realise that television newsrooms can be stressful places. And what better stress reliever is there than sex. So, in this novella, the staff of a news program gradually discover that the best way to let off steam is to engage in orgiastic exhibitionistic sex with co-workers in the offices, the toilets, the elevator, etc. And news anchor Karen even discovers the perfect natural remedy for a ticklish throat.
The appeal here is in the enthusiasm with which the story is told and its cheeky cheerful pornutopian perspective that all any of us really need is a chance to honestly express our animalistic selves in a good old fashioned orgy. Speaking of "animalistic" some of these characters may have some bulldog genes in them judging by the way they drool and dribble during sex : "...they kissed each other with a ravishing hunger, their mixed saliva spilling and flowing down from Karen's chin. It flowed down her neck into the valley of her bosom."
Karen's spirited pursuit of pleasure comes alive on the page and the fantasy presented is an appealing one. There may be some rough edges - some repetition to the way the sex is described and a relative paucity of fleshed out characters for a story which ends up with about thirty or forty (I would guess) people playing musical genitals. But none of that matters all that much when the story is so much fun to read.
This story is written from the point-of-view of Joel, an expert seducer of women and an expert pleasure-giver. He's an accounting software consultant and in this first of a proposed series he sets his sights on Jessica, an attractive married accountant with whom he is doing some work.
What makes this story is the convincing first-person narration which grabs you and brings you into the story. Of course Joel is smug and arrogant, but because he really is able to do what he brags about being able to do, men will want to be him and women will want to be with him.
Were it not for the fact that we are inside the head of the character this might be just another raunchy sex story. It's like having a commentary when watching a sporting match to build up the drama of the event.
The other element which gives the story appeal is that of the ordinary normally unadventurous woman who is unlocked by pleasure to release an inner self who wallows gleefully in the full messiness of sex even in a situation where she is risking everything.
It will be interesting to see how the adventures of Joel work as a series. The appeal could wear off if they are too much the same. Continuing success will depend on the creation of a varied and convincing series of women to be on the receiving end of his "panty-whispering" and also some serious challenges to this talent, lest he fall into the "Superman trap" of being so invincible that all suspense over whether or not he will succeed dissipates.
There are many tricky situations in which we can find ourselves during the course of our lives, and advice on how to deal with these situations is always welcome. That's where Dr. Mosely Untreu comes in. Or maybe he doesn't. If you're a woman then books answering questions about what you should do with your penis are probably going to be of limited practical value. And since the situations Dr. Untreu advises about coincidentally happen to be ones unique to the fantasy lives of immature males of all ages, their practical real world applicability, even for the unfair sex, is questionable at best.
Actually the concept for this raunchy humour series is a pretty good one. When the titles of the stories alone provoke a smile and maybe a belly laugh, it's a good start. How much does reading the story add to the entertainment value inherent in that title? Well, the story is very brief and best suited to those looking for laughs rather than titillation, but Thomas is skilled at striking comic sparks from the collision of an absurdly pandering male fantasy and the pomposity of the self-professed authority. I look forward to reading more.
This short story is about a young man named Steve who discovers something which many erotica writers have discovered before him - there is money in incest.
Steve's sister has been using her naked body to charm the dollars out of a bunch of horny fans via webcam, and when an accident causes Steve to stumble into one of her live shows it looks as if they might become the most successful brother and sister act since the Osmonds.
The central plot idea is a good one and Hall makes the most of it, concentrating on the drama of characters led by circumstance to move into forbidden territory. Where a sex scene is not needed for the plot she leaves it to our imaginations, but where it is needed she doesn't skimp on the raunch. It is easy enough for us to take the fantasy from there.
For those who like happy stories about horny people who do very naughty things. Hot stuff!
A pair of perpetually horny college students decide to impress a couple of girls by pretending to be members of an expensive gym. Things don't go as smoothly as they had hoped, but this pair have a unique ability to stumble into ecstasy, which is what happens when they find themselves mistaken for masseurs by a pair of pleasure-loving soccer moms.
John gives a wryly humorous telling of the pair's adventure. One of my favourite lines : "On the upside, they weren't very smart, but on the downside, neither were we." It's a brief story and the ease with which the pair are able to move from the application of scented oils to the outside of the women's bodies to the application of their own bodily fluids to the inside of those bodies may stretch credibility, but it's delightfully raunchy fun and that's what counts.
John and Jerry are back and this time their voyeuristic tendencies have led them to the life drawing class at the library. The hot model they have heard so much about doesn't turn up so they persuade the hippy MILF art teacher to pose naked with them in a series of risqué tableaus vivant.
This story is slightly less believable than Jaz Hall's elf stories. The transformation from art class to full on orgy doesn't take very long. But, hey, the fact that I can't see it happening in real life doesn't mean I wouldn't want to be there if it did. If you are one of those people who misses the days when "art" was a code word for "dirty", this might just be the story for you.
I'm looking forward to more John and Jerry stories. Bring on the MILFS!!!
The owner of a secondhand bookstore finds himself the subject in a social science experiment conducted by a group of schoolgirls keen to take advantage of the fact that they have passed the age of consent.
There is something very English about this story of a socially awkward man taken advantage of by a brash and bratty teenager. There is the conflict between lust and propriety, and just a touch of pathos. The sex is sketched in with some explicit by relatively brief descriptions and the dialogue has a sense of authenticity to it.
Noah is a university student in the second year of his studies. His roommate has a tendency to have sex with his girlfriend while Noah is still in the room. One day Noah leaves the door open and other students witness a passionate sexual scene. This leads to a loss of inhibitions which spreads throughout the dorm and beyond.
This story wasn't quite what I was expecting. I thought it would be a tale of the gradual growth of sexual licence as the students' inhibitions broke down through experiments in voyeurism and exhibitionism. It isn't like that. One door left open during a sex session and the next thing you know the dorm corridors are full of naked students engaging in rampant group sex orgies. It's kind of like an erotic equivalent of the zombie apocalypse.
But, once I realised what kind of story it was, I loved it. The writing is sometimes pretty rough, with the same expressions used repeatedly during sex scenes, but, unexpectedly, Flowers has created characters you can care about. Even though casual sex is available on tap, these young men and women have romantic aspirations as well. And risky games and character conflicts bring an element of suspense. The sex is very raunchy with an emphasis on describing the emotions of the characters. And the passion is leavened with playfulness. This is a happy feel good fantasy world.
Thirty-two-year-old widow Elena McGregor gains a new lease on life when she takes on the job of librarian at a Northwestern University and finds the young male students are very attracted to her. She enjoys playing the flirt, but one day finds she has met her match when a Viking-style hunk named Eric Valrsgard uses the return of some very overdue books as an excuse to get up close and personal with her.
This short story is just the usual introduction of characters followed by a sex scene, but it stands out because of the smooth and classy writing. The dialogue is good and the descriptive passages are economical and evocative. It should appeal to those who like their erotica romantic and with a touch of wit.
Something strange is going on at Arnie's bakery, ever since a sinister woman sold him a batch of sweet-smelling flour. The donuts he bakes with that flour are more addictive than crack for his beautiful assistant Julie. She used to want nothing to do with Arnie, but now, not only does she demand more donuts, she demands sex. And, as her appetite for food and sex grows, so do her curves.
This is one of Janno's best stories, bringing a darker edge to the cartoonish fantasy of previous creations. You really can have too much of a good thing. Arnie finds himself torn between lust and justified fear. There is a kind of puritanism to dieting, a denial of the flesh. In this story things go totally the other way. Julie is off her diet and the appetites of her flesh appear to be limitless. Like the blob she just gets hungrier as she gets bigger.
Book 1 ends just as The Hunger Bakery is about to cast its spell over some new female victims. I can't wait to find out what happens when the donut dough really hits the fan!
Book 2 completes the story of The Hunger Bakery. As three more women fall under the spell of the cursed donuts, all Hell breaks lose in Arnie's bakery.
The emphasis here is on horror. While there is a sex scene, it is more unnerving than titillating. But this is a great piece of horror fiction. All the best horror stories resonate with some disturbing aspect of potential real-life experience. For all it's magical elements, this is basically a harrowing story of addiction and the degradation to which it can bring someone. This is a paranormal terror tale with a real edge to it.
Dan is a bedridden hospital patient recovering from some unspecified injury. While he is semi-conscious, a nurse named Holly decides to give him a non-consensual happy ending to his bed bath. He comes back to full-consciousness at an inopportune moment, but Holly thinks she can make it appear that it was all his fault, that he got inappropriately over-excited in response to her purely ethical treatment. When he discovers some incriminating lipstick traces you would think he was the one holding all the cards. Not so. His girlfriend Serena catches him trying to take advantage of Holly and, when the pair of them gang up on him, he finds himself the humiliated, frustrated plaything of horny women.
It is really not right to stereotype nurses as sex-crazed dominatrixes. It only leads to disappointment for male hospital patients when they find that such individuals are the exception not the rule.
As with Jan Osah's other CFNM stories, half the fun of this story is the fact that it starts in the real world and then follows the line of male erotic fantasy into the stratosphere of absurdity. If you are a guy with a nurse fetish it may be advisable to monitor your blood pressure while reading. After all, you don't want to end up in hospital... or do you?
There are support groups for a lot of addictive habits. I don’t know of any for those of us who can’t stop watching trashy movies. But books like this fulfil a similar role. You’ll find tales of trauma and of unholy delight :
On "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie" (1987) :
"A lot of people don’t even realise this movie exists, but I actually saw it in its theatrical release, an event so traumatic I can’t even go into it here. The girl at the box office even tried to talk my pal Howie and I into seeing a different movie, which of course only made us want to see this cinematic train wreck all the more."
On "Paranoiac" (1963) :
"As the plot twists and turns towards its funky conclusion, that goddamn scene rears it bowel-loosening little head and you can kiss your pleasant dreams goodbye."
On "The Deadly Spawn" (1983) :
"I thought I’d choke up my tater tots when the nasty little critters tore into a granny-ladies vegetarian luncheon and made it a meat-lover’s function instead."
On "Rock ’N’ Roll High School" (1979) :
"I had yet to be hooked. Then everything went nuts. Riff dropped a record on the turntable and spun the bastard up, forever altering my already somewhat twisted worldview. The album was 'Rocket to Russia', the band The Ramones, the song 'Sheena is a Punk Rocker'. It was feeding time in the monkey pen the instant Dee Dee croaked out 'Go!' and that little three-chord wonder started wailing. Within seconds, the living room was a shambles — Jiffy Pop scattered to the four winds, vinyl couch cushions hurled everywhere."
Scott S. Phillips - novelist, comic book and television writer, film director, extra in John Milius’ "Red Dawn" (1984) and one time video clip stand-in for Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister - eloquently describes both the agony and the ecstasy of watching trash films in this collection of reviews written over the period of 1995-2003 for an Albuquerque, New Mexico alternative newspaper called "The Weekly Alibi".
He covers a very varied selection of videos, from his beloved Italian horror and crime films to martial arts to the "Friday the Thirteenth" series to films featuring Godzilla and Gamera. He even reviewed a trio of exercise videos, rating them, as one might expect, more for their voyeuristic appeal than their cardiovascular effectiveness.
Phillips has his own unique two part 0 to 5 rating system for these movies. First there is the Greased Ape Scale - representing the number of greased apes he would be prepared to wrestle to get to see the film again. Then there is the Cheap Bourbon Scale - how many cheap bourbons he would have to drink to make the film seem worthy of wrestling more greased apes to see it again. This system confused me a little at first. I think I mostly have the hang of it now. The Cheap Bourbon Scale indicates how much a film’s appeal can be enhanced by being intoxicated while watching. I’m still a little confused though. If a film gets a 4 on the Greased Ape Scale but 0 on the Cheap Bourbon Scale, doesn’t that mean that, even cold sober, Phillips would be prepared to wrestle another Greased Ape to watch the film? So wouldn’t that make it a 5 on the Greased Ape Scale. Or maybe I’m trying to be too logical about a system involving greased apes.
If there were a support group for those of us obsessed with trash cinema, it would not be based around helping each other to quit the habit, but rather to get recommendations and have someone to talk to about our habit whose eyes wouldn’t glaze over at mention of Ghidorah, Claudia Jennings or Lucio Fulci. Of course reading a book like this is only a one-way exchange of information and experiences, but, since Phillips gives his Twitter and Facebook contact details, it needn’t be.