John Blandly


There was a time when John Blandly read a lot of Arthur Conan Doyle (Sherlock Holmes), Earle Stanley Gardner, James M. Cain, Ian Fleming, John LaCarre and Ross Macdonald (The Far Side of the Dollar, The Goodbye Look, The Big Sleep). He has read the complete works of Arthur Conan Doyle. He thought Ross, Art and the other guys were great writers. "No Time To Die," is a murder mystery written in the hard-boiled style of noir detective fiction. Blandly is also a fan of Gossip Girl, Ethan Frome, Erma Bombeck, Pride and Prejudice, and Chick Lit.

His influences are J. D. Salinger, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Voltaire, Kafka, and Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

"Lightman," is based on the screenplay of the same name. Lightman doesn't really have any super powers, just fiddler crabs who help him out as he tries to win the heart of his new girlfriend, Venus.

Blandly's massive corporate front office would like to say thank you to everyone who has bought one of his books. Other than a purchase, there is little in the way of feedback, so, when he is aware that a book is appreciated enough to buy, he is very grateful.

About ten years ago Blandly started writing screenplays. Suddenly it seemed like a book was completed when it got to 100 pages. He tried to put in a lot of dialogue, fast paced action and quick cuts, as if you were watching a movie. So, consider yourself lucky that you have been spared a lot of narrative.

It has been said that there is never a final version of a screenplay--just the current one. If you think your script is perfect, just pick it up in a few weeks or months. Spontaneously, it seems, typos, plot flaws, and all sorts of errors appear, as if out of nowhere. That's like an ebook. There is one way ebooks are better than printed books for a writer--you can easily revise them--edit--fix mistakes--make the book better.

"The Volunteers" was originally published in "Studio" (Australia). Blandly loves Australia and hopes some day to visit there. South America too.

Love stories--that's what Blandly likes in a book or a movie. Some love stories here are "Kiss Me, I'm Irish," "Ace It," "Girlfriends Lost," and "The Volunteers." There may be others.

Blandly has always been interested in astronomy, and gets new books almost every year (almanacs). There are always new discoveries. "The Meddlers," and "Peeps" deal with what might happen if there was virtual travel to nearby stars, which our onboard computer thinks will happen.

Check out Blandly's films by searching johnblandly on YouTube.

Phantom of the Art Gallery

Blandly resides in the wilderness of the New York frontier.
Here are some links to navigate with him!

It is said that a prophet is not without honor except in his home town. Blandly says, based on sales of his books, "Looks like my home town is--THE WORLD!"

The young adult novelette, The Volunteers, is based on a number of true stories, or more accurately, harrowing experiences.

Girlfriends Lost is completely fictional--we wish!
We do not know how to explain it right now except to say, Caesar used to write about himself in the third person, but he had far better adventures.
So, enjoy reading "The Death of John Blandly, Continued," included in this novella, and if you can figure it out, let us know, at

John Blandly and his friends, two brothers, Avant Life Guard, Avant Security Guard and their sister, Avant Point Guard, have posted articles and stories on the Internet, and have virtually collaborated on some sites, like Triond. Some of these writings are collected here.

Some of the covers of the books use photos courtesy of

Smashwords Interview

Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
a small Northeast US city
When did you first start writing?
started out as a cartoonist, and, at about age 19, when a beautiful redhead girl from down South broke my heart, started writing poems and stories--sorry
Read more of this interview.

Where to find John Blandly online

Twitter: AvantLifeGuard


John Blandly eBooks--a film
Two young girls, Rin and Kangura, discuss John Blandly's eBooks, and their views on boyfriends--they say, "You can't have guys going around 'thinking.'"


Flip Flops
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,960. Language: English. Published: April 23, 2014. Category: Fiction
How to walk in flip flops and analyze subliminal messages and leitmotif at the same time. Talk about multi tasking!
Roll The Dice
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,890. Language: English. Published: March 24, 2014. Category: Fiction
Designated drivers, runaway cows, best-selling authors, and trips to other planets--that is what you get when you roll the dice. So, go ahead, try it.
Poems and Pics
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,390. Language: English. Published: February 21, 2014. Category: Fiction
For those of you who are easily distracted, we have included photos of beautiful women in this new collection of poems, sure to win Blandly a Nobel Prize, or maybe a stick of dynamite.
Something Icy
By John Blandly
Series: The Adventures of Jill & Gigi, Book 2. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,270. Language: English. Published: February 13, 2014. Category: Fiction
Ice age Neanderthal guys decide to kill wooly mammoths by hitting them with an asteroid. Of course, why did they not think of that before?
Deutsche Max
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,440. Language: German. Published: February 10, 2014. Category: Fiction
Zurück in den dunklen Zeiten hatte Maximillion und Maxithousand gute Arbeitsplätze mit dem König, Charles die Anzahl. In jenen Tagen gab es verschiedene Möglichkeiten, mit Mörder umzugehen.
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 670. Language: English. Published: January 15, 2014. Category: Fiction
Sure, it would be cool to win a Pulitzer Prize, but if you become a writer to impress her, maybe, think again. There are other writers out there, writing excellent novels like, "The Truth," and winning Nobel prizes. So, if I am still in love with her, I am out of excuses. A mini-novelette.
Rocky, Fake Service Dog
By John Blandly
Series: Rocky, Telepathic Wonder Dog, Book 2. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 590. Language: English. Published: October 16, 2013. Category: Fiction
Rocky, fake service dog, at your service. A mini-novelette adapted from the sci fi rom com novella, "Robot Driver.".
Ace It
By John Blandly
Series: The Adventures of Jill & Gigi, Book 1. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,920. Language: English. Published: October 7, 2013. Category: Fiction
Finn meets a new wavelength girl in the "get acquainted" virtual reality booth. Her name is Glorista McPink, and she says she has a nice figure. He'll see about that--he hopes.
The Fan
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,770. Language: English. Published: September 12, 2013. Category: Fiction
When a writer is contacted by a fan, he does not know what he is in for. He has never had a fan before.
Feep's Commentaries
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 22,590. Language: English. Published: August 21, 2013. Category: Fiction
Josiah Feep, a French and Indian War soldier, meets a lovely shopgirl, Ophelia, but then is sent off on a dangerous campaign to capture Fort Ticonderoga.
Regles Pour Les Hommes
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,520. Language: French. Published: July 22, 2013. Category: Fiction
Du manuel d'instruction Guy historique, mettant en vedette un bonus, une alternative peu coûteuse (mais peut-être pas mieux), les règles du x à venir pour filles College.
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 10,650. Language: English. Published: June 24, 2013. Category: Fiction
A Cape Cod superhero battles bad guys in his quest to win the heart of his new girlfriend, Venus.
New & Easy Poems
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 7,660. Language: English. Published: June 12, 2013. Category: Fiction
It is easy to be new. The EPIC/EPPIE nominated collection of poetry.
Bobby The Ghostwriter
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,950. Language: English. Published: June 11, 2013. Category: Fiction
On an incredible quest to be real, Bobby writes a column for the lovelorn, though his own love life is pure fantasy. But then he meets a beautiful artist--can it be?
Recipe For Love
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,960. Language: English. Published: May 16, 2013. Category: Fiction
She always spiced things up for him, but when he lost the recipe, he realized she was the ingredient he needed all along.
No Time To Die
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,690. Language: English. Published: April 17, 2013. Category: Fiction
A murder case getting harder to solve every minute—just the way detective Ollie Reed didn't like it. Plus, he had to deal with curvy Sally Derivadose—his client—the main suspect.
Los Voluntarios
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,980. Language: Spanish. Published: April 8, 2013. Category: Fiction
Eryk descubre que una chica que le gusta, D W-B, está en una pandilla. Decide checarlo y recibe paliza, pero resulta que valió la pena. D W-B se reuniera con él en su casillero. A veces no podía incluso hablaba, mirando las pecas en la nariz. Ella era la cosa más bella que jamás había visto.
Bésame, Soy Irlandés
By John Blandly
Series: Felicity Jones, Literary Secret Agent, Book 4. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 7,020. Language: Spanish. Published: March 16, 2013. Category: Fiction
Felicity Jones y su hermana menor, Dierdre, salir a un club para la gente local de los hombres, aunque Dierdre tiene que levantarse temprano a la mañana siguiente para volar a Chicago. Cuando Dierdre llega a Chicago se da cuenta de ella llevó el equipaje mal y ahora sólo tiene armario arriesgada de Felicity.
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 14,900. Language: English. Published: March 13, 2013. Category: Fiction
In his first year of teaching at a small upstate New York college, Frankie DeFrancisco meets beautiful math professor Maisie Montcalm. One of her best friends happens to be Barry Freed. Except that's not his real name. His real name is Abbie Hoffman.
Pickup Lines
By John Blandly
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 640. Language: English. Published: January 15, 2013. Category: Fiction
It is important to make a good first impression. Guys and girls need guaranteed, battle tested opening lines. Like, can you give me directions? I am getting lost in your eyes. Or, just, Bond--James Bond. Here is a collection you won't want to miss.
Robot Driver
By John Blandly
Series: Rocky, Telepathic Wonder Dog, Book 1. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 16,030. Language: English. Published: January 8, 2013. Category: Fiction
Just before Christmas, Jonathan’s designated driver robot, a SexyGirl, is stolen, and he has to get a cheap replacement, Reggie, a used LawnMan. Reggie is accident prone, gets in fights, and is nothing but trouble.
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,380. Language: English. Published: December 4, 2012. Category: Fiction
Sure, the Irish took over politics in Orange County, Southern California, long ago. We all know that--and inside politics--the winning and losing--it still goes on. So, if there is another Finnegan--another wake--that should come as no surprise.
Rules For Men
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,280. Language: English. Published: October 5, 2012. Category: Fiction
From the historic groundbreaking Guy Instructional Manual, breaking the ground as we speak, featuring a bonus, low cost (but maybe not better), alternative to the upcoming X-Rated Rules For College Girls. Plus, a helpful warning about Christmas shopping.
College Credit Francais
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,350. Language: French. Published: August 30, 2012. Category: Fiction
Toute sa vie, F. Scott Improbable voulait que les gens comme lui. Les premières personnes qu'il a essayé de faire comme lui étaient ses parents. C'était assez dur. Puis c'est les gars dans son quartier et à l'école, mais lorsqu'il s'agit de filles au Collège--maintenant c'était un défi.
St. Patrick's Day
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,350. Language: English. Published: July 18, 2012. Category: Fiction
What do you do if you have troubles? Love stories for young adults don't have many answers, but may let you know you're not alone. From Ireland to New York City, for as long as history, there have been troubles. Find comfort here.
Girls On Different Planets
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 16,110. Language: English. Published: May 11, 2012. Category: Fiction
Thistle, a twenty-something graduate student, captures Derek. On her planet, Antigone, all men are taken prisoner, but he is from somewhere else.
The Chicagoans
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 13,660. Language: English. Published: May 2, 2012. Category: Fiction
Bernard Notlieb, well into mid-life crisis, decides to hire an assistant so he will have someone to talk to. He likes the idea so much, he hires two guys, but things go horribly wrong when Notlieb is accused of murder and he accidentally gets his assistants involved--a lot more than they bargained for. Plus, now they will not speak to him.
The Greatest Poem Ever Written, and Other Poems
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,220. Language: English. Published: February 17, 2012. Category: Fiction
Ever wonder what the greatest poem ever written was? Well, stop wondering, because here it is, plus other poems with letters, words, and paragraphs. Brand spanking new edition.
Ruthy's New Texas Lawyer Friend
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,640. Language: English. Published: February 10, 2012. Category: Fiction
When Ruthy has to leave school back east and return to Texas after the death of her parents, she meets Harry Fronctil, a young law school graduate who needs to borrow her father’s law books in order to study for the bar.
The Drip Theory
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,390. Language: English. Published: January 12, 2012. Category: Nonfiction
Ever wonder why there is water covering the north pole and not the south? Oh, you haven't? Well, that's the Drip Theory. Here are also statistics about the relationships of the polar tilts of the planets, rotational lock relationships, and Alpha Centauri.
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,350. Language: English. Published: October 5, 2011. Category: Fiction
Donna is asked to speak to a scientist about a plan to shoot down an asteroid. Still in grad school, her new job does not offer much in the way of good looking guys, but what about Geoffrey? But there is little time to study this. North Korean and South Korean subs are firing nuclear warheads at the asteroid. The North Koreans will be darned if the South shoots it down before them.
The Meddlers
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 17,650. Language: English. Published: June 13, 2011. Category: Fiction
John Slic, a low level spy, is sent into outer space on a probe to investigate abductions believed to be the work of "physicians" from the Sirius solar system. When Slic bungles the job, beautiful CIA operative Juice Gilligan is sent to rescue him.
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 8,060. Language: English. Published: May 18, 2011. Category: Fiction
Sasha was 29, and ready to give up filmmaking. She just had to do one more film, but first, she had to meet Rip Tide in order to use his lab as a shooting location. All Rip ever did was come on to her. He seemed to want it that way. He also wanted to take Sasha on a virtual vacation to Alpha Centauri.
Rock Star Diet
By John Blandly
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 1,610. Language: English. Published: April 21, 2011. Category: Fiction
25 lions arrived in Denver. One said, "I just flew in from Bolivia, and boy are my arms tired." Beautiful actresses and rock stars may be rich and famous, but many still have a good sense of humor. Here is a seminar on the subject.
Kiss Me, I'm Irish
By John Blandly
Series: Felicity Jones, Literary Secret Agent, Book 3. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 7,110. Language: English. Published: March 1, 2011. Category: Fiction
Felicity Jones gives her younger sister, Dierdre, new luggage. Felicity bought two sets. That night, they go out to a club and tease the local men folk, though Dierdre has to get up early the next morning to fly to Chicago. When Dierdre gets to Chicago she realizes she took the wrong luggage, and now only has Felicity's risky wardrobe.
For Esme--With Love
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 36,930. Language: English. Published: February 15, 2011. Category: Fiction
Esme, an artist, learns a valuable lesson in honesty when she enters a golf tournament. Then her father sets out to find her long lost sister. At age 17, Esme finally gets to meet Darcy. When Darcy appears in an independent film shot on a beach in Southern California by two young filmmakers, Esme meets Steve Ford, one of the producers, but he thinks she's too young.
By John Blandly
Series: Felicity Jones, Literary Secret Agent, Book 2. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,740. Language: English. Published: February 5, 2011. Category: Fiction
Gorgeous literary agent Felicity Jones brings author Giusepe Visconti to the renowned Italian publishing house, Bodonis, only to have an editor tear into Giusepe's novels, unmercifully criticizing every detail of each book right to his face.
College Guy Cookbook
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,600. Language: English. Published: December 2, 2010. Category: Fiction
From the historic groundbreaking Guy Instructional Manual, breaking the ground as we speak, featuring a bonus, low cost, low calorie (but maybe not better) alternative to the upcoming X-Rated College Girl Cookbook, plus, free of charge, the unreadable "How to be a Best Man" and the shocking and forgettable, "Guys Who Knit." Contains no information on how to rotate your tires.
Girlfriends Lost
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,780. Language: English. Published: November 17, 2010. Category: Fiction
If old girlfriends think that you forgot them, you know they should think again. Why did it end? It was surely your fault. You were too young, did not know what you were doing--there are so many reasons.
The Underground
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,350. Language: English. Published: October 27, 2010. Category: Fiction
In a mysterious Ground Zero Green Zone, Trancegirl discovers there are more people going in The Underground than coming out and has to wear a short skirt just to get someone to listen. Dancegirl is paid to dance, when all she wants to do is get into grad school.
Urban Myths & Ghost Stories
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 8,710. Language: English. Published: October 19, 2010. Category: Fiction
Sasha, Dee Dee, and Ursula are sophisticated urban law clerks, working part time for an absentminded lawyer, Jessy, who just passed the bar. When they are not doing that, Sasha has a guy putting hundred dollar bills all over her body, Ursula is getting groped in the lounge, and Dee Dee is tracking down weird alien coins that appear to be tiny spaceships.
Pauline & Melissa
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 11,340. Language: English. Published: October 7, 2010. Category: Fiction
Melissa lives in a motel owned by her parents. Then Pauline, a runaway 16 year old Hollywood actress, checks in. Together, Pauline and Melissa accidentally solve a murder case, and meet a few boys along the way.
The Volunteers
By John Blandly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,990. Language: English. Published: October 1, 2010. Category: Fiction
Eryk finds out that a girl he likes, D W-B, is in a gang. He decides to check it out, and gets beat up, but it turns out it was worth it. D W-B would meet him at his locker. With freckles on her nose, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
World Trade Center Writers
By John Blandly
Series: Felicity Jones, Literary Secret Agent, Book 1. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 16,730. Language: English. Published: September 16, 2010. Category: Fiction
Charlotte, the leader of a writing group, asks Bernard to dispose of a dead body in her hotel room. She says Felicity Jones, a literary agent, shot the guy. Bernard does not want to get involved. Then Charlotte says she can get his book published.

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