Barton Grover Howe

Biography

Barton Grover Howe is a high school teacher and humor columnist who has spent most of the last 10 years teaching, being a mascot and generally not being near as funny as he thinks he is. A former newspaper reporter, hotel manager, aquarium diver, stand-up comedian, forcibly retired Disney On Ice performer and professional mascot, Barton Grover Howe has combined his experiences and skills from all of those environments to create writing with a voice like no other. Living proof that you don’t need hurricanes blowing the palm trees sideways to get beach slapped time and again.
He currently resides in the only small town on the Oregon coast that has seven miles of coastline and not one boat dock. He is married to the most patient woman on earth and is father to the cutest daughter in the universe, who got all of her looks from her mother.

Where to find Barton Grover Howe online


Books

Total Beach
By
Series: Surfland Mysteries, Book 5. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 113,330. Language: English. Published: November 11, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
In Jackson Poe’s biggest adventure yet, he searches for the answers—along with a science teacher with a MacGod complex, a drag queen with a fluctuating number of breasts and a vomiting dog—and discovers that, once again, life in Surfland, Oregon, is a Total Beach.
Sandy Claws Slay
By
Series: Surfland Mysteries, Book 4. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 21,300. Language: English. Published: November 2, 2012. Category: Fiction » Holiday » Christmas
In Jackson Poe’s first family-friendly adventure, the message is sweeter, but the humor and mystery are still killer: How can a truckload of toilets save the town from a Sandy Claws Slay?
Mermaid—The Other Other White Meat: A Beach Slapped Humor Collection (2011)
By
Series: Beach Slapped Humor Columns, Book 4. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 44,850. Language: English. Published: September 21, 2012. Category: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor and satire
It's another year of impending disaster and babies on the move—often at the same time—and all the other things that keep leaving readers "Beach Slapped" as Amazon bestseller Barton Grover Howe once again gives readers 52 reasons—54, actually; it was a very long time in New Jersey—to laugh out loud.
The Beach is Back
By
Series: Surfland Mysteries, Book 3. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 104,370. Language: English. Published: May 22, 2012. Category: Fiction » Mystery & detective » General
The Beach is Back, and so is America’s wettest, weirdest town, as a rain of mystery and hilarity falls once more.
Cats with Thumbs: A Beach Slapped Humor Collection (2010)
By
Series: Beach Slapped Humor Columns, Book 3. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 40,530. Language: English. Published: November 20, 2011. Category: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor and satire
“If cats had opposable thumbs, they’d kill us all with tiny pistols. They’re evil little animals.” Yep, it’s another year of “Beach Slapped” with amazon.com best-seller Barton Grover Howe. His pregnant wife and allegedly caring women; a womb with a view; and tuning out ‘Turn Off Your TV Week’: It’s all here, as Barton gives readers 52 reasons to laugh again.
Addicted to Foo-Foos: A Beach Slapped Humor Collection (2009)
By
Series: Beach Slapped Humor Columns, Book 2. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 41,210. Language: English. Published: November 20, 2011. Category: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor and satire
Facing his addiction to umbrella drinks is just one thing Amazon.com best-selling author humor Barton Grover Howe takes on in his latest collection. Advice to Madison Avenue on men and Colt 40 Malt Liquor; why anyone makes women’s hygiene products non-disposable; and humanity’s attempts to investigate his bedroom: Yep, it’s time to get “Beach Slapped” again.
Flying Starfish of Death: A Beach Slapped Humor Collection (2008)
By
Series: Beach Slapped Humor Columns, Book 1. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 54,830. Language: English. Published: November 20, 2011. Category: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor and satire
One flying starfish and life’s never been the same, as amazon.com best-selling author Barton Grover Howe recounts life in the Pacific Northwest. His wife’s offensive defensive driving habits, tips for using hams to get through airport screening, and sanctimonious environmentalists who refuse to use llamas — it’s all there to leave you “Beach Slapped.”
Parrot Eyes Lost
By
Series: Surfland Mysteries, Book 2. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 28,340. Language: English. Published: August 10, 2011. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
When everything goes wrong, and even the normally unflappable Jackson Poe seems to have gone off the deep-end, it looks like it just might be Parrot Eyes Lost.
Beach Slapped
By
Series: Surfland Mysteries, Book 1. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 111,250. Language: English. Published: July 15, 2011. Category: Fiction » Mystery & detective » General
Beach Slapped: It’s wild and weird insanity on America’s wettest edge, where the only thing crazier than the people is the truth.

Barton Grover Howe’s tag cloud