Elias Zapple

Publisher info

Elias Zapple was not born in 1922, as some would have you believe. His date of birth is not really relevant anyway. What is relevant is that he arose out of a tulip that was growing in some old granny's garden in Camberwell. How he got to be in a tulip is not really clear, nor is it clear how he got out of the tulip and years later wrote the smash hit musical, 'Love be a Stranger', which was an international flop.

After that success, he went on to work as a 19th century Victorian chimney sweep where he was then inspired to write the acclaimed series of books entitled 'Duke & Michel'. It is believed the fumes from the chimneys did so much damage to Elias that it was a miracle he ever ate a cupcake again.

Later, he travelled back in time to the present and went on a series of trips to many foreign and distant lands. During these travels, Elias met and spoke to many interesting people, choosing to ignore all of them. He did, however, learn a couple of things: i) the earth is flat; and ii) you should never eat a banana when it's not ripe.

Many questions are often asked by his adoring public. Are you human? How many chimpanzees can fit inside a fridge? What is that thing growing on the side of your head? To which Mr Zapple has always smiled, turned away and swum off into the sunset, only once being bitten by an unfriendly shark.

Elias Zapple continues to work towards the unification of Korea and writing children's stories that parents will spend huge sums of money on. He wishes you all to know that every penny made from the books will go straight into his bank account, which he will then spend on a lavish, new tent.

Smashwords Interview

What do your fans mean to you?
Money. Unfortunately, my book is free so that doesn't apply. I shall now retire to my greenhouse and sob for a few days.
What are you working on next?
My memoirs. However, I suffer from amnesia so this is proving to be a rather difficult task. Therefore I have decided to work on the third book of children's series the Jellybean the Dragon Stories. All my other works, Elias Zapple's Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch, Elias Zapple's Book of Slugs, Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, Duke & Michel: The King Tingaling Painting, Jellybean the Dragon, Cyril the Dragon, Nicu - The Littlest in 'Fangless', Nicu - The Littlest Vampire in 'Big Fangs' and Nicu - The Littlest Vampire in 'Blood, Blood Everywhere' are all currently available. The third Duke & Michel book, Duke & Michel: The Return of the Nibbles should be released by the end of February. The third Jellybean the Dragon Stories book, Fillmore the Dragon, shall be written once it's gotten over its shyness and venture out of my brain.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Elias Zapple online

Publisher of

Teenage Angst
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 9,040. Language: English. Published: July 5, 2017 by Elias Zapple. Categories: Fiction » Poetry » U.K. Poetry, Fiction » Poetry » Themes & motifs
A collection of personal, political and surreal poems written by a grieving teenager following the death of his mother.


Dead Again
Series: Nicu - The Littlest Vampire. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 8,520. Language: English. Published: July 12, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Social Issues / Death & Dying, Fiction » Children’s books » Monsters
All is not well in Transylvania. Following a mysterious death, Nicu's family call in famed vampire detective Vamlock to investigate. Nicu must then stop a possible all out war between vampires and humans, as well as come to terms with the death itself. Poor Nicu.
Return of the Nibbles
Series: Duke & Michel. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 38,370. Language: British English. Published: June 27, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Action & Adventure / Survival Stories, Fiction » Children’s books » Entertainment
Michel is down but not out. His family may have been drowned by the evil Master and Michel wants revenge in the bloodiest of ways! Meanwhile, something weird, very weird has happened to Duke. And where are Duke's nibbles? An ultimate showdown awaits in the battle to end all battles.
Elias Zapple's Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 8,700. Language: English. Published: March 18, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Poetry, Fiction » Poetry » U.K. Poetry
A book of the most nutty, twisted, crazy, funny and, in some instances, least rhyming rhymes ever created. There are two categories: Odd Creatures, Slugs & Elias Zapple and Twisted Nursery Rhymes. A total of 29 rhymes!
Elias Zapple's Book of Slugs
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,650. Language: English. Published: March 17, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Animals / Dinosaurs & Prehistoric Creatures, Nonfiction » Children's Books » Animals
Meet my heroic slugs: Steve the Slug, General Fairfax the Slug, Gino the Slug, Akira the Ninja Slug, Selina the Slug and many, many more. They’re my best friends, my loyal servants, my fearless soldiers and my only source of protein. Slugs are useful, skilful, colourful and edible and will cover you in sticky slime if you offend my moustache, Mr Snazzy!
A Christmas Carol... Slimed
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 7,700. Language: British English. Published: March 14, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Holidays & Celebrations / Christmas & Advent, Fiction » Classics
Elias Zapple’s retelling of Charles Dickens’ Christmas fable tells the story of Elias Zapple, a man with a wealth of cabbages to match the coldness of his heart. On a mystical Christmas Eve, he’s visited by three ghost slugs forcing Zapple to make a choice: change, or become worm food.
Series: Nicu - The Littlest Vampire. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,940. Language: British English. Published: December 24, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Social Issues / Bullying, Fiction » Children’s books » Monsters
In a spooky house deep in the mountains of Transylvania lives Nicu, a fangless vampire. Yes, that's right, fangless! Teased by his friends, taunted by his big brother and almost disowned by his parents, Nicu will do anything he can to get his fangs and beat the bullies.
The Mysterious Corridor
Series: Duke & Michel, Book 1. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 38,000. Language: British English. Published: September 30, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Sports & Recreation / Skateboarding, Fiction » Children’s books » Action & Adventure / Survival Stories
A skateboard-loving kid finds himself in an alternate reality, having to do battle with an evil villain in order to rescue his snotty little cousin.
Jellybean the Dragon
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 11,470. Language: English. Published: September 8, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fairy tales & fables, Fiction » Children’s books » Social Issues / Friendship
Jellybean is a clumsy dragon. As a matter of fact, all dragons are clumsy. So when Jellybean falls from the sky and lands in front of Emma, a 10 year-old astronaut, naturally a series of calamitous events occur forcing Emma to eventually leave her land and meet more clumsy dragons. However, Emma soon learns to live with Jellybean and experience a whole new and exciting life as well as improve her

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