Fred Barnett


Fred ‘Freddy’ Barnett

I was born in 1950, in Neponsit, New York, barely a hurricane’s breath from the beach. At age ten, my parents loaded up the station wagon and moved our family west to sunshiny Los Angeles.
In my teens, I began to write comedy and music (ASCAP writer and performer) in addition to other adolescent criminal enterprises — i.e. skateboarding with my delinquent friends, winning belching contests and playing irritating rock n’ roll in large LA arenas.
At age 27, weary of my jet-set Hollywood lifestyle, I married and drifted toward the Sandwich Isles, in search of quiet beaches and loud Hawaiian shirts.
Blessed with a perfect tan, I now get to live and write in beautiful Kailua.
Thank you.
Fred Barnett
(I am Fred Barnett and I approve of this message.)

My finished works — with glowing revues worthy of Fukushima — include:
Bloody Good (The seventh edition (2016) of True Shark Stories, originally published in 1998) - Previously distributed by Scholastic Books and published by Dolphin Press, and then Light Books, who ran off with his money. Nom Nom.
Bats (A Return to Damnalot -2015) ^^Ö^^ - Two of Transylvania’s most famous mass murdering lovers — Vlad D. Impaler and Elizabeth Bathory “The Bloody Countess” — must save their all-dead habitat from tourists who are threatening their homes, their families, their inactive-unhealthy lifestyles, and their insanity. You just don’t mess with ancient, sleep-deprived, mass-murdering, shape-shifting horn dogs. They just ain’t the welcoming type.
“Fun for the whole (Manson) family.”
The Man From Nantucket - An American Legend (X-rated 2016) Original limericks and 1950s blue humor. Tijuana Bible Study’s — ‘Pick of the Year 2016!’
Coming soon:
Perdido — A tale of mad scientists, conquistadors and celebrities stuck in the Bermuda Triangle. (2017)
Shark Fin Soup - A novel of Shark Gods, Cannibals, Mad Cows and Endless Love. (2017)

Where to find Fred Barnett online

Where to buy in print


Bats ^^ö^^
Fred Barnett was born in Neponsit, New York in 1950. Fred's family moved to Kailua, Hawaii, where he "languishes" beneath a cloud of constant death threats made by secular fanatics. BATS ^^ö^^ Out NOW! R-rated Bloody Good PG-13 rated The Kingdom of the Cats - A short stories 2016. Soon:"Shark Fin Soup"--A tale of Shark Gods, Cannibals, Mad Cows and Endless ( 2016) R-rated. & Perdida (The Island of Lost Stuff) in 2016. G-rated.


Shark Fin Soup
Price: $4.49 USD. Words: 88,630. Language: English. Published: April 16, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
During a storm, Jesus appeared on a blue tarp upon the deck of The Vinnie Maru, demanding that agent Bernie Benedict find him a date. Join the merriment as our hero, Bernie, through divine whoopie, is trans-formed into Cupcaecius, a deified dead ringer for the debonair screen legend Cary Grant. Shark Fin Soup A tale of sharks, gods, cannibals, mad cows and endless love.
Bug House
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 40,070. Language: English. Published: September 1, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Ghost, Fiction » Graphic novels & comics » Horror
Escaped lunatics! Giant rats! Retro Urban Legends! Mocking Skeletons! A (do-do-do-do) shark zombie! Two workaholic human zombies! A Reluctant Ghost! A love struck genie! A genuine 17th century cannibal family! Monster moths who’ll eat your shorts! Vengeful Pagan gods! Twins who bore their prey to death! This book has them all!
Bats (A Return to Damnalot)
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 61,510. Language: English. Published: May 17, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Undead, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Many centuries ago, Prince Vlad Tepes Dracula the Impaler and the “Bloody Countess” Elizabeth Bathory bathed their own homeland of Transylvania in blood. There was/is nothing good or bad about the pair’s excessive bloodshed. That’s just what Transylvanians “do” and have done for centuries. It’s the 21st century and Transylvania is becoming a cash cow, a vast amusement park. It's war!
The Man from Nantucket
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,090. Language: English. Published: July 19, 2014. Categories: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor & satire
The Man from Nantucket is a book about a true American hero and legend. "The Man" was a real person, with a real name. He was born Sam Swathorn in 1906. Sam became well known and respected early in his life for his fine command of filthy limericks. However, few patriots remember Sam as a bonefied American hero! Swathorn's exploits rivaled those of Pecos Bill, Paul Bunyan, Bettie Page, Lizzie Bor

Fred Barnett's tag cloud