Lance Manion


In your head there is a perfect Lance Manion. Where he lives, what his hobbies are, his political or sexual affiliations.
Go with those.

Smashwords Interview

What is your favorite word?
Fornication. I like the word because it means sex but I can't hear it without also thinking fortification. Somehow the idea of a large structure, perhaps phallic in appearance, mixing in with intercourse just takes it to a whole new level.
What is your least favorite word?
Chthonic. I remember reading Inferno by Dan Brown and he's only 12 lines in and he casually drops that word. It was like a slap in the face. The perfect word and then he plows on as if it's no big deal. I would have stopped the book in its tracks just to gloat about how I worked that word in. Dick.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Lance Manion online


Tales of Adventure With Nap Lapkin
Price: Free! Words: 44,630. Language: English. Published: September 17, 2019. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Adventure » Men’s adventure
Finally! All of the stories under one cover. Nap Lapkin, America’s top agent, respected and feared by every agency in Washington, is both a lover and fighter and so much more. And less. But mostly more. There can be no argument that this is the funniest book ever written. No argument whatsoever.
Price: Free! Words: 74,830. Language: English. Published: April 5, 2019. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Literature » Literary
(4.50 from 2 reviews)
A collection of short stories isn’t really a book. It’s more like dozens of ideas that could have been books if they were thought of by someone with a better attention span. To put it another way; if you took an infinite number of Shakespeares and put them in front of an infinite number of typewriters with an infinite amount of time they still wouldn’t come up with the complete works of Lance Mani
Merciful Flush
Price: Free! Words: 64,320. Language: English. Published: January 15, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
The irreverent union of George Carlin and Dave Barry with a just a hint of Tucker Max. Something to entertain, inspire and offend everybody.
What You Don't Understand
Price: Free! Words: 48,600. Language: English. Published: November 7, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Lance spends too much time thinking about all the ways life would be different if our eyes were on the top of our feet as opposed to perched over our noses. Shoes for instance… Or karate. He doesn’t enjoy thinking thoughts like these, but grow them as he might, the beards never help. So off they come. Hairy reminders clogging up the sink, if hairs were thoughts and plumbing was being normal.
The Song Between Her Legs
Price: Free! Words: 54,210. Language: English. Published: August 23, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
His work has been called demented, hilarious, quirky and well outside the mainstream and with his sixth collection of short stories Manion unapologetically stays with that formula. Big sloshing mixes of poignancy and offensiveness, hope and callousness. He understands that we are all kind and bigoted. Wonderful and pathetic. The human experience is wildly erratic. And he won't pretend otherwise.
Homo Sayswhaticus
Price: Free! Words: 76,470. Language: English. Published: May 16, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(5.00 from 1 review)
With this newest collection of irreverent short stories Manion once again asks the reader to get off the bench and into the game as he dishes out laughs, offense and even a few poignant moments. There is no point to be made here. Only the hope that somewhere amidst all the run-on sentences, unnecessary profanity and poor grammar, readers will come away with some unique thoughts of their own.
The Ball Washer
Price: Free! Words: 74,770. Language: English. Published: October 12, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(4.50 from 2 reviews)
An interesting short story has to be equal parts confession, exultation and suicide note. The writer has to be arrogant and insecure, brimming with joy and despair, able to see hope and hopelessness in everything and, before he can claim to be honest, has to be comfortable lying his ass off. Funny, and at times thought-provoking, "The Ball Washer" is definitely not for the faint of heart.