Nathanielle Sean Crawford
Nathanielle was born in Bennington, Vermont on a rainy day in December. A strong imagination and a lifetime of unique experiences were the main sources of all of his inspiration in all of his artistic endeavors.
Nathanielle lives in Salem, Massachusetts.
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Survive By The Sword
by Nathanielle Sean Crawford
(4.50 from 2 reviews)
When Nicodemus Dean, a stage combat trainer, finds out that the wife of a murder victim was a fan from his short-lived career as an actor, the police hire him to get close to the victim, and find out what she knows. But Nicodemus may find himself getting more involved than he intended, when the reality of comforting a friend and catching a murderer is not as easy as the movies make it seem.
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Smashwords book reviews by Nathanielle Sean Crawford
on Nov. 29, 2015
Please keep in mind, that all of the comments made in this review are directed at the story, and should not be taken as a direct insult to the author. My intent is to fairly review the story I have read, but unfortunately, to review a story fairly is not synonymous with flattery. If Eva Fairwald – the author of Immortals: A Trusting Darkness Story – sees this review, I hope she will take the comments on board in the spirit that they are intended: As a constructive critique to improve the quality of her work in the future.
The offered short piece begins with a brief summary. Immortality can be granted with the consumption of apples, raised by an Elvish caretaker named Iðunn in a place called the Sacred Garden. The story takes place in a time when the sanctity of this apple orchard is threatened by an army of brutal human soldiers, intent on waging an eternal campaign of conquest.
The story begins with beautiful descriptions that really draw me into the world, so that I feel like I am standing in the center of this garden with Iðunn. Unfortunately, that's where the description ends, because what follows is the introduction of characters that have not been given much development.
For example, there's Harold, who is a prince, and is apparently a bit of a downer. I find myself strangely identifying with this character, as he appears to be a half-empty kind of guy, whose portents turn out to be not so far off the mark. But just as quickly as he is introduced, the wife that he appears to be pining for appears seemingly out of nowhere to rescue her prince in the nick of time.
A lot of this information is conveyed in the form of blocks of dialogue, where it is easy to forget who is speaking. I know that in the beginning of a conversation between two people, you don't have to remind us specifically who is speaking at each turn, but it helps to use action and descriptive text to remind the reader that these aren't just talking heads.
The writing also suffers from a number of run-on sentences. My overall impression is that the author is either not that experienced with writing short stories, or that stories with multiple characters are her weakness. Either of these things can be improved upon, of course.
Whenever any artist offers free work – be it writing, music, or painting – you should definitely be grateful for the gesture. Unfortunately, this short story is intended as a sampler for the author's full novels and the quality of the piece does not make me eager to open my wallet.
Private Investigator Isabel Raven Monta Rosa
on April 25, 2016
The story I downloaded promised “lots of twists”. It also promised that “I will like this”.
The first big twist is that apparently all one has to do to become a “Private-Eye” is to write a letter to your local sheriff’s department and list all of the things you are good at. The second twist is that the sheriff’s office will write you back to say, “Yup, you’ve got the job.” No real experience required, no background check, no interview. I’ve always assumed that becoming a licensed private investigator would require a lot more effort than selecting a job from the newspaper of the latest Sims game, but apparently I was wrong.
Halfway through the 33 page long story, a fantasy subplot gets introduced wherein the main antagonists are named Count Van Helsing and Count Von Headlock. And it’s appropriate enough because this story is a fantasy. And not Game of Thrones fantasy, but the kind of fantasy where you and your best friend chase one another in the school yard shooting one another with a pistol made from your finger and thumb.
If you really want someone to take you seriously as a writer, take all of those stories off of Smashwords. Take them down and rewrite your first book. Whether it’s a short story, or a novella, or what have you, you need to take your time with that first work. Write it, finish it, and then find someone who will give you the mother of all proofreads. That someone cannot be your friend, or your boss, or your family member, or your coworker who is only trying to make you happy because they hope you’ll swap shifts with them on Friday.
Pour your heart and soul into that book. Your father told you to try for attainable goals; well you’re not even trying. When I see work like this, I see someone who might have typed something out on their iPhones during their fifteen minute break, and maybe spent their half-hour break uploading the story to Smashwords. I can’t believe that anyone who truly cares about you and the impression you make on those people that you hope will one day offer you money in exchange for your work, would take a look at your story and say, “This is perfect. Post it up now.”
You might also come back at me with the fact that English may not be your first language. If that’s so, that still is not an excuse. Because if you were writing in your first language, you would still have to produce something that was as polished as it could possibly be before you even think of asking someone to judge the story by the writing.
Also, don’t besmirch the idea of a cover. Because a picture of yourself, which you don’t seem shy about using in lieu of a cover, is not doing you any favors in the marketing department. This is not a personal attack on your looks, or your appearance, but until people consider your writing akin to an unholy addiction (which might offend you as a Christian writer, but even Christian writers have to have a proofreader) then you may want to think twice before they associate your face with a story that they can’t even bring themselves to finish.