Tim Cashmore


Tim is 46 although, with the aid of state-of-the-art digital image manipulation, he manages to look considerably older. Despite being the wrong side of middle age, Tim avoids acting like a proper grown-up where possible. After having an imaginary cat for some years, Tim now resides in Norfolk with his partner of 15 years, a real cat and a very barky dog.

Previously, Tim has written, directed and edited An Early Morning Pint, a short Halloween film.

Rude Food: May Contain Nuts, Tim’s first cook book, is also available. Tim has been a vegetarian for most of his life and is already part-way through writing his second vegetarian cookery book, with the working title of Get Stuffed!

As Tim's knowledge of history was somewhat embarrassing, he researched all the presidents of the United States since the Constitution. The resulting work, his American History Presidents Poem. Since Trump's bewildering election, Tim's been too depressed to update the poem to include him as it still seems like one of those bad dreams you have when you've eaten too much cheese and inhaled a bathroom cleaning product without adequate ventilation.

Tim has previously worked on the pilot screenplay for a supernatural romance and is currently developing ideas for short films and full-length screenplays, including a thriller called Dog Eat Dog and a horror called The Meat Market. Tim plans to upload more of his recipes, poetry and scripts to Smashwords, although if there's a tasty looking slice of treacle tart around, the cake wins.

Smashwords Interview

What gets you through the day?
Breathing seems to be doing the trick, interspersed with drinking tea and eating cake!
Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
I was immersed so completely in the characters' world that I remember re-reading Roald Dahl's Charlie And The Chocolate Factory numerous times at school. I remember being told off for not trying a new book, although to me, if a book is just as enjoyable on a second, third or 23rd read, it's clearly a fantastic work. Re-reading it as an adult a few years ago, I found it moved me even beyond the experience of reading it as a child. A truly magical work from a brilliantly creative mind.
Read more of this interview.

Where to buy in print


Burning Passions
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 7,440. Language: English. Published: April 29, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Poetry » U.K. Poetry, Fiction » Poetry » Biography
Burning Passions poetry reveals Tim Cashmore's deliciously weird way of looking at the world through laughter-tinted spectacles. Subjects covered include an epic poem about all of the American Presidents since the Constitution, the hilarious saga of a boy who can't stop breaking wind, even a poem about children zooming off to the moon and having to find their way back in time for Christmas dinner.
Face Value: The Portrayal Of Ugliness In 20th-Century Literature
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 22,030. Language: English. Published: April 8, 2016. Categories: Essay » Literature
Tim Cashmore confronts the ugly truths embedded deep within fictional literature in this intriguing academic work, which discusses the portrayal of ugliness in 20th-century English literature. This dissertation focusses on Precious Bane, The Elephant Man and The Life And Loves Of A She-Devil. Written in 1994, Tim Cashmore's university dissertation gets its long overdue first publication.
Rude Food: May Contain Nuts
Price: $4.49 USD. Words: 13,440. Language: British English. Published: October 6, 2014. Categories: Nonfiction » Cooking, Food, Wine, Spirits » Vegetarian & Vegan, Nonfiction » Cooking, Food, Wine, Spirits » European
Winner of nine first prizes at his local baking show this week, Tim Cashmore's Rude Food: May Contain Nuts combines the author's love of humour and cooking, creating distinctively cheeky recipes for his own tasty food creations. This illustrated collection of 38 recipes can be interpreted as innocently or as suggestively as you like. Perfect for those who love cooking and those who like a giggle
American Presidents History Poem
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,050. Language: English. Published: September 1, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Poetry » U.K. Poetry, Nonfiction » History » History of things
Each verse gives the memorable and shocking events surrounding each presidency, with a chorus to familiarise you with the names so far. The pattern repeats until all the presidents since the Constitution have been detailed, with a rhyming chorus featuring the names of all 44 presidents, in the order in which they've served. Learn the chorus to change your USA history knowledge from zero to hero!

Tim Cashmore's tag cloud

Tim Cashmore's favorite authors on Smashwords