Benjamin Sobieck

Biography

Benjamin Sobieck is the author of The Writer's Guide to Weapons: A Practical Reference for Writing Firearms and Knives in Fiction (Writer's Digest Books), Glass Eye: Confessions of a Fake Psychic Detective, The Invisible Hand (New Pulp Press, late 2015), the Maynard Soloman crime fiction humor series, Cleansing Eden and numerous short stories scattered about the lonesome alleys of the Internet. His website is CrimeFictionBook.com.

Smashwords Interview

What is your writing process?
I write with a deadline, even if it's an artificial one. It's amazing what you can get done when you take procrastination off the table.
Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
It's not the first story I ever read, but "Jurassic Park" scared the hell out of me as a kid. I'd read it before bed and come down with a serious case of sleepwalking.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Benjamin Sobieck online


Books

When the Black-Eyed Children Knock & Other Stories
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 24,410. Language: English. Published: September 3, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction, Fiction » Horror » Occult
(5.00)
*** A Wattpad.com hit with over 350,000 reads! Featured by FOX TV's "The Exorcist!" *** "Whatever you do, don't let them inside." Liam is a new father struggling to adapt to life with a baby. With insomnia and paranoia growing with each passing night, he wonders if the taps on the windows and mysterious faces at the door are all in his head. He'll find out when the black-eyed children knoc
My Kidney Transplant: A Sometimes Serious, Sometimes Not, Collection of Essays
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 15,860. Language: English. Published: March 25, 2015. Categories: Nonfiction » Health, wellbeing, & medicine » Medicine, Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor and satire
This is a collection of essays I wrote before and after my transplant. I published it to educate readers about organ donation, bust myths about transplants, offer some inspiration for those going through the same things I did and to show how a good sense of humor can be the best medicine.
8 Funny Detective Stories with Maynard Soloman, Gal-Damn Detective
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 49,660. Language: English. Published: October 21, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
8 Funny Detective Stories represents Maynard Soloman's first eight cases of mystery, malarkey and misadventure. Each combines the slapstick fun of The Pink Panther with the sharp wit of The Onion, if both lived in an RV watching nothing but old Westerns. Fans of Carl Hiaasen's crime fiction humor, Elmore Leonard's bumbling bad guys or snappy current events satire will enjoy these quick reads.
Maynard Soloman vs. The Kidney Thieves (Funny Detective Stories #8)
Series: Funny Detective Stories, Book 8. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 10,260. Language: English. Published: October 20, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
(5.00)
Maynard Soloman, a cantankerous private detective full of old-timey insults, slices open a ring of kidney thieves in this crusty short story. A band of baddies is posting ads for kidneys for sale on the Internet - at a sinister price. It's up to Maynard to climb into a bath tub of ice in a seedy motel to bust the ring in action. * BONUS: Includes Dr. Maynard's Guide to Kidney Transplants.
Maynard Soloman & the Bull$hit Cancer Awareness Campaign (Funny Detective Stories #7)
Series: Funny Detective Stories, Book 7. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 7,370. Language: English. Published: October 21, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
Has cancer awareness "jumped the shark?" Have some cancer charities lost sight of their purpose? Maynard Soloman, the world's crustiest detective, gets to the bottom of things in this short crime humor story. The cantankerous hero is hired to track down money missing from a cancer charity. What he finds could "blow the wig" off the entire organization.
Maynard Soloman Takes the Bus to a Strip Club (Funny Detective Stories #6)
Series: Funny Detective Stories, Book 6. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 8,770. Language: English. Published: April 25, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
Inspired by true events! In this misadventure, the hapless private investigator is hired to track down a missing college student. Maynard heads to a strip club to investigate, but there's a problem. His decaying RV dies halfway there. To continue the case, he'll need to do battle with his worst enemy: The city bus. Hang on, it's going to get weird. BONUS: Includes "Maynard's Guide to Tipping."
Burning Bridges: A Renegade Fiction Anthology
Price: Free! Words: 27,920. Language: English. Published: April 24, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - multi-author, Fiction » Anthologies » Flash fiction
(5.00)
These renegade authors are burning bridges. Each one of their 15 short stories is a match and a commitment to never to look back. Readers can expect tales of revenge, redemption and the road ahead - but never regret.
Maynard Soloman Legalizes Gay Knot Tying (Funny Detective Stories #5)
Series: Funny Detective Stories, Book 5. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 8,480. Language: English. Published: March 8, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
Fans of funny detective stories, meet Maynard Soloman. Some say he's crusty, profane and clueless. If you ask him, he solves the world's problems one case at a time. In this short story, the Ol' Badger runs into his estranged wife's cult. In order to get a divorce, he'll need to legalize gay marriage. Or be eaten as a human sacrifice. He'd better hurry. The cult just bought ranch dressing.
Cleansing Eden
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 71,770. Language: English. Published: February 22, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Thriller & suspense » Crime thriller
An eccentric inventor of designer drugs launches a campaign to rid the world of moronic celebrities, but his hired hand starts to have second thoughts.
Maynard Soloman Proves Santa Claus is Real (Funny Detective Stories #4)
Series: Funny Detective Stories, Book 4. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,900. Language: English. Published: February 12, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Holiday » Christmas, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
Fans of funny detective stories, meet Maynard Soloman. Some say he's crusty, profane and clueless. If you ask him, he solves the world's problems one case at a time. In this short story, the Ol' Badger needs a Christmas miracle. Bill collectors want to repossess his beloved RV. To stay a step ahead, Maynard will have to prove Santa Claus is real. Or just drunk.
Maynard Soloman & The Job-Nabbin' Illegal Immigrants (Funny Detective Stories #3)
Series: Funny Detective Stories, Book 3. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,670. Language: English. Published: February 12, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
Fans of funny detective stories, meet Maynard Soloman. Some say he's crusty, profane and clueless. If you ask him, he solves the world's problems one case at a time. In this short story, Maynard is hired to track down something important stolen from his client: A job. The culprit: Illegal immigrants. Or are they?
Maynard Soloman Fixes Social Security and Eats a Pony (Funny Detective Stories #2)
Series: Funny Detective Stories, Book 2. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,530. Language: English. Published: February 12, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
Fans of funny detective stories, meet Maynard Soloman. Some say he's crusty, profane and clueless. If you ask him, he solves the world's problems one case at a time. When a pony-riding bandit makes off with Maynard's gas money, the Ol' Badger has no choice but to give chase. To get his money back, he'll have to do the impossible: Fix Social Security. And eat a pony.
Maynard Soloman Solves the War on Drugs (Funny Detective Stories #1)
Series: Funny Detective Stories, Book 1. Price: Free! Words: 5,330. Language: English. Published: February 12, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
(4.00)
Fans of funny detective stories, meet Maynard Soloman. Some say he's crusty, profane and clueless. If you ask him, he solves the world's problems one case at a time. In this misadventure, the Maynard wraps his arms around the War on Drugs. Or is the war wrapping itself around his beloved Winnebago RV? Either way, the Ol' Badger will solve this War on Drugs business once and for all.
4 Funny Detective Stories - Starring Maynard Soloman
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 18,960. Language: English. Published: February 7, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Anthologies » Mystery
Fans of funny detective stories, meet Maynard Soloman, gal-damn detective. Some would say he's crusty, profane and clueless. But if you ask him, he solves the world's problems one case at time. Once you experience his 1930s-style of doing business in a 21st century world, you just might agree. Included in this anthology are four short stories featuring Maynard Soloman.

Benjamin Sobieck's tag cloud


Smashwords book reviews by Benjamin Sobieck

  • Barbotte on Nov. 08, 2011
    (no rating)
    "Barbotte" weaves the story of an illegal gambling operation trying to get its money back after being ripped off. John McFetridge provides a lesson in how much story you can cram into a tight space without getting anyone lost. This being a free read, I can't recommend it enough. I'd've paid for this one. And I will defend the author's writing style in this piece. The paragraph structure is classic noir. Pick up Raymond Chandler or Elmore Leonard to understand the approach McFetridge uses.
  • Top 5 Reasons You Can't Get Laid in Montreal on Dec. 09, 2011

    "Top 5 Reasons You Can't Get Laid in Montreal" is a very short work that borrows from the author's upcoming novel, "Naked Montreal." Despite having never been to Montreal, not speaking French and not desiring to get "laid" by anyone north of Minneapolis, I found this sample more than whetted my appetite for the novel. The top five reasons are funny enough, but it's the additional list at the end that killed me. Don't blush if you find this under the sex section. Roberts plugs enough good-natured humor in these brief pages to satisfy readers in any genre.
  • Where to Get Laid in Montreal on Dec. 10, 2011

    When the writing is this good, you can't help but give in to temptation. (The temptation of reading, of course. What did you think I meant?) This very short work is the perfect yin to the yang of the author's "Top 5 Reasons You Can't Get Laid in Montreal." I've read both and, despite having never been to Montreal, consider myself a de facto expert on the topic. Even if you don't normally peruse the sex section, give both e-books a try.
  • Ninjas of the 512 on Feb. 18, 2012

    Does it really matter what political parties "stand for" any more? What if you stripped away the bumper stickers, the phony piety and hollow everymanism to expose their true essence? You'd probably end up with something similar to ninjas and pirates. Both hate each other. Why? Who cares. Let's fight. There are similar scenes in Laura Roberts's excellent humor novella, Rebels of the 512. (Note to author Roberts: I know you're an editor and may ding me for using "Roberts's," but I stand firm on using 's on singular nouns. Just be glad I didn't write "scene's" just now. You'd probably kill me.) In a pitched battle between ninjas and pirates, the exhausted sides agree to settle it on an arm wrestling match. While this makes for good humor, it reveals a potent remark about politics. Heated debates often devolve into childish gestures hurled between sides. Whoever puts up the strongest fight wins, regardless of whether it was the best outcome. Understanding the political references isn't critical to enjoying Rebels of the 512. Neither is living in Austin, Texas, where the piece takes place. Nor is knowing much about Texas Gov. Rick Perry, parodied here as villian "Nick Harry." All you really need to know is that Gov. Harry's budget cuts put teacher Suzie Jimenez out of a job. She goes on the warpath with a group of ninjas determined to defeat Harry's pirates. Hilarity ensues. But the plot isn't what makes Rebels of the 512 tick. It's Roberts's sense of comedic timing that really matters - and shines. Writing humor is all about knowing when to plant and harvest a joke. It's something that can't be taught. An author either has it or doesn't. Roberts has it in spades. That's why Rebels of the 512 is such a fine read. This is an author who knows how to write humor. Don't be fooled by the slapstick, it's not an easy thing to do. That she wrote it in three days as part of a contest proves Roberts's humor chops beyond the remotest shadow of a doubt.