Jan Tailor


Jan Tailor is a recluse living in the bowels of Shaughnessy an affluent neighbourhood of Vancouver where the Crème del Crème live therefore there is no need for public transit to run through Shaughnessy.

Jan is certain that there has already been a zombie apocalypse because zombies are creatures that do not think and eat the brains of those that do. To Jan it is very apparent this has been happening in society since Bush II’s first term. Since the Orange Troll Revolution, Jan has observed a mutation in the zombies. The zombies now have negative meta intelligence (they don’t know anything but believe they are super intelligent) a trait most concerning. Jan tries to avoid society.

Jan believes that society could be helped if it took some mushrooms but Jan has never been able to grow enough – Jan is a bit of a pig, rarely having enough for anyone else. Of course, Jan’s addictions counselor tries to tell Jan perspectives and behaviors can be change without psychedelics. Jan thinks that approach takes too long, even if it is the only “sensible” option.

So Jan tries to defend consciousness by writing. It has been said by a fool that the pen is mightier than the sword, Jan is a fool. The act of writing has nearly caused Jan to lose the plot and kill an editor. Jan’s insanity stems from dyslexia, the inability to incorporate English’s irrationalism from thought into writing. Jan believes there is some symmetry in being a dyslexic writer and being a Canucks fan.

Happiness comes from acceptance; Jan’s addictions counselor assures. Jan is following this by accepting that dyslexics will not have prefect grammar and spelling. You can expect that Jan did the best job of proofing Jan could do but that will include some errors (if you are a reasonably priced proofreader who likes Jan’s work send a message). Dyslexic’s writing promotes diversity, a thing Jan thinks is good.

The sentence Jan lives by is: Searching for the strong argument in the instant of instinct.

Jan is supported by George Soros, that is why the works are free. Many readers noticed the story Just Another Prepper was funded by Soros and gave it 1 star reviews. Lookup Just Another Prepper on itunes to read all the great reviews. A feather in Jan’s cap?

Over the next few months or years Jan is writing the Salmon Sex and Violence series of stories. All will have technology as a catalyst like Creeper. Will the next in the series, Direct Democracy, be done in the fall or in 2047? Place your bets.

Jan’s hobby is fishing and one of the few things Jan will rise during the day for.

Jan’s photo is of an orca off of Spanish Bank in Vancouver Harbour. The whales (87 of them) spoiled the fishing that day but reminded Jan people are natural too.


Price: Free! Words: 18,300. Language: English. Published: February 29, 2020. Categories: Fiction » Themes & motifs » Psychological, Fiction » Erotica » Sci-Fi Erotica
Make your fantasies come true with Doppelganger.com. It uses state of the art facial and body recognition to search the internet for an adult star that best matches your real-life amour. All you need is a good picture to upload. Love shy Morris Lester hopes Doppelganger.com can find him a replacement for his dead high school crush. Certainly, this will end well.
Raparian Station
Price: Free! Words: 140,960. Language: English. Published: January 2, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Literature » Literary, Fiction » Adventure » Travel
Riparian Station is an acid trip away from a universe ordered by God into the recesses of nihilism finding a surf film, good fishing, and meaning in being a one of in a chaotic universe rather than a step in a cycle. Warning: read the full descriptions before downloading. Riparian Station’s proses are unapologetically ugly and truthful to the dyslexia of the author's ability.
Price: Free! Words: 1,570. Language: English. Published: November 6, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » General
(4.00 from 1 review)
Darling Nicky is a cute coed going watch the fireworks from her Marine Biology TA's yacht with another couple. What could happen? Fireworks is a short fluffy piece of erotica written originally as part of the novel Stag-nation as example of the type of porn the main character Damian Johnson would write. You can't baulk at a free dirty story.
Something in the Coffee
Price: Free! Words: 2,890. Language: English. Published: September 22, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Literature » Plays & Screenplays, Fiction » Plays & Screenplays » American
(5.00 from 1 review)
When you work more than 100 hours in a week how would you stay away during your fifth night of graveyard shifts?
The Mountain's Money
Price: Free! Words: 3,980. Language: Canadian English. Published: August 31, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Thriller & suspense » Crime thriller, Fiction » Plays & Screenplays » American
(4.00 from 1 review)
Every winters day, snowboarders and skiers spend hundreds of dollars on lift tickets, food, booze, and rentals at the mountain. The mountain’s staff is made up of under paid dreamers happy to have a free ski pass. This is the story of the mountain’s security guard Brando, whose dream is to live on a beach.
Buy In Or Rat Out
Price: Free! Words: 4,530. Language: Canadian English. Published: August 22, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Plays & Screenplays » American, Fiction » Thriller & suspense » Crime thriller
(4.33 from 3 reviews)
Buy in or rat out is a short story that follows a single mother trying to find a way out of working low paying dangerous security/loss prevention jobs so her son can live a better life.
Not a Victim
Price: Free! Words: 1,110. Language: Canadian English. Published: August 9, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Thriller & suspense » General, Fiction » Plays & Screenplays » American
(4.00 from 1 review)
Convenience store clerk is one of the five jobs likely to experience violent crime in North America. Not a victim, is a short story tells of a clerk determined not to be victimized.
Just Another Prepper
Price: Free! Words: 1,780. Language: English. Published: July 23, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Plays & Screenplays » American, Fiction » Thriller & suspense » General
Just another prepper is a fast paced short story about selling assault rifles to survivalist or preppers.
Price: Free! Words: 96,270. Language: English. Published: June 3, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Literature » Literary, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
(4.75 from 4 reviews)
In one sentence, this book is about why you should not date a stripper. It is a Romance Noir from the gutter of the Vancouver’s East End to the Westside yacht club, visiting all the bars and best spots to smoke pot along the way. It follows the plight of an alcoholic security guard whose personal insecurities are the source of his own decline.

Jan Tailor's tag cloud

acholoic    addiction    alcohol    alcoholism    assault rifle    athiesm    australia backpacking    avalanche    beach    betty page    blood    body dimorphism disorder    buying in    canadian    coed    coffee    college age erotica    college sex    cop    cops    crime    crime suspense    crush    cyber stalker    dead end job    death    dreams    drugs    existentialism    fireworks    fishing    friends    gangs    glock    gun    gun control    humor    incel    ineffectuals    job    literature    lsd    lsd experiences    mass murder    money    morality    mushrooms    noir    organized crime    party    police    pot    prepper    public sex    ratting out    recovery    romance    sailing    security    selling out    sex    sex at sea    sex fantasy    shooter    shooting spree    shootings    shrooms    single parent    snowboarding    social norms    stripper    strippers    suicide    surfing    surfing australia    survivalist    suspense    teacher fantasy    theft    thriller    tragedy    twist    vancouver    victim    victimization    violence    violence skiing    winter    yacht   

Jan Tailor's favorite authors on Smashwords

Smashwords book reviews by Jan Tailor

  • Life's A Beach on Aug. 28, 2012

    Not what I expected and it made me smile.
  • Life's A Beach on Aug. 28, 2012
    (no rating)
    Not what I expected in a good way and it made me smile.
  • It Takes All Three- A Bobby Stoner Adventure on Nov. 12, 2012

    Truly a pot head’s tail with many tangential antidotes to keep the straight line plot of smoking pot entertaining. Oh, if you don’t have a screen use a few pebbles.
  • In the Midst of a Predator - A Very Short Story on Dec. 01, 2012

    I found the build up of suspense in ‘In the Midst of a Predator’ great, there was a real feeling evil was going to happen. The writing was good. However, the antagonist’s character was not fleshed out enough for me to believe he would act in the way he did to cause the climatic event of this story which took away from an otherwise good story.