Big Kahuna


This is not porn. At first glance what I write may look like it, but it isn't. Porn is all about nailing babysitters. Eighteen-year old babysitters. Hot, busty, eighteen-year old virgin babysitters who happen to be sitting for attractive, older divorced men who also happen to be rich and powerful, and have 11-inch penises.

Give me a frickin' break.

My sexy science fiction isn't for everybody. It is for people who like to read. It is for the reader who appreciates the build up every bit as much as the payoff, as well as for those who enjoy irreverent, sometimes laugh out loud humor. The boobs may get a little big sometimes, but it's all in good fun.

So if you're ready to move on up to realistic characters, moving scenes, and lots and lots of dirty sex, give my stuff a try. I promise you won't be disappointed.

I also promise no babysitters. Not ever.

Companion art can be found at my DeviantArt page ( cover art for books in process, concept art, and just fooling around kind of stuff.

If you like my work, let me know ( The same goes for typos, formatting problems, or other things that can detract from a good reading experience.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to rate,


Where to find Big Kahuna online


Tammy's House of Curious Antiques
Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 45,720. Language: American English. Published: August 1, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » Paranormal
Welcome to Tammy’s House of Curios and Antiques, where everything is for sale. You may find a hidden treasure, or then again a treasure might just find you! Her store may seem odd but Tammy is sure to have what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know that you’re looking for it. Caveat emptor, though. While your purchase might be a bargain, it could end up costing more than you can afford.
The Hucows of Delta Mu - Harvest Moon
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 74,370. Language: English. Published: November 30, 2017 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Paranormal, Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor
Pendleton, MA, the home of Saint Walstan's College. It is also home to an ancient race of witches, vampires, druids, and werecows who have lived among us by keeping their existence a secret—but that is about to change. Enter Gretl Lang, a beautiful senior who finds herself drawn into this world when she wakes up to find herself lactating, and her sorority sisters only too willing to drink her dry.
Rent-A-Sissy: The French Maid
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 16,260. Language: American English. Published: December 23, 2015 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Gay, Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor
Paul Nichols has a problem: he's become obsessed with a certain French maid named Yvette. For most people this wouldn't be a problem, except that Yvette isn't really a maid, nor is she really a she! Unable to resist her allure, Paul engages her for an afternoon's "cleaning", and gets more than he bargained for.
The Silence of the Hucows
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 86,100. Language: American English. Published: October 25, 2014 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » Suspense & Mystery
(5.00 from 1 review)
All Melissa DeVries wanted was a break, a change of pace from her boring job and her even more boring life. That change comes when she receives an email from an admirer, a man who seems to know her better than she knows herself, and who draws her into his web of milky intrigue. Warning: this ebook contains lactation, masturbation, bondage, large breasts, and fantasy violence.
What Are Women For?
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 9,920. Language: English. Published: January 1, 2014 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » Contemporary
(5.00 from 2 reviews)
Jeff's wife Janene is blonde and beautiful, but there's something that she flatly refuses to give him. Frustrated at being denied for so many years, he turns to his friend, Harry, a hypnotherapist who is willing to help Jeff in his quest for the ultimate hummer. Warning, this tale contains graphic depictions of oral sex, which as everyone knows is fun, healthy, and a great way to lose weight!
Ms. Paragon vs. Doctor Tits
Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 46,200. Language: American English. Published: February 24, 2013 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » Action & Adventure
(5.00 from 1 review)
Ms. Paragon, the world's greatest superheroine, has fought Nazis, slime monsters, and criminals beyond count. But she meets her match in Rex Titus, a mammary-obsessed plastic surgeon who has developed a radical new method of breast augmentation - and who intends that the buxom Amazon become his next patient! It's wits versus tits in what can only be described as a battle of epic proportions!
The Peripheral Cocksucker - Book III: Fembot U
Series: The Peripheral Cocksucker, Book 3. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 62,760. Language: American English. Published: August 8, 2012 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » Science Fiction
(5.00 from 2 reviews)
The third book in the trilogy finds Jake’s worst fears coming true when one of his fembots suffers a breakdown, new abilities manifest themselves, and psychotic behavior begins running rampant. But then who ever said cyborg ownership is easy?
The Peripheral Cocksucker - Book II: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Fembots are from Mercury
Series: The Peripheral Cocksucker, Book 2. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 56,130. Language: American English. Published: August 7, 2012 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » Science Fiction
(5.00 from 1 review)
Can one man have too many fembots? Can he ever have enough? As Jake's inventory of robotic women grows, so too do his worries, what with fears of discovery (from within and without), concerns about programming conflicts and breakdowns, not to mention the very real possibility of getting a broken back from too much sex. It's enough to drive an evil genius crazy.
The Peripheral Cocksucker
Series: The Peripheral Cocksucker, Book 1. Price: Free! Words: 46,790. Language: American English. Published: August 7, 2012 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » Science Fiction
(4.83 from 6 reviews)
Chicks are the ultimate storage devices. So Jake McBride has always believed, but when he accidentally turns his ditzy lab partner Robbi into the world's first fully programmable fembot, he discovers just how true that statement is. But as Jake explores the wonders of his fembotic girlfriend, he realizes too late that there's more to Robbi than on-demand lap dances. She's also a killer app!
Next Year's Model
Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 102,300. Language: English. Published: March 27, 2012 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » General, Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor
(4.60 from 5 reviews)
Rod Wright loves two things: his canary yellow 1968 Pontiac GTO, and his gorgeous wife Yvette. But the distinction between them blurs when he invents a polymer that gives his bitchin' 'vette a dazzling showroom finish, turning her into a latex-coated nympho capable of going from 0 to 69 in 4.2 seconds flat. But there is a drawback - it's addictive. The ultimate romance novel for guys.
Bending Catherine
Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 47,200. Language: English. Published: January 8, 2012 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » Lesbian
(5.00 from 1 review)
Hayley loves her roommate, Catherine. Who wouldn't? She's beautiful, funny, smart, and considerate. Her only fault is that she's straight. Worse still, she's driving Hayley to distraction and affecting her grades. Faced with the choice of leaving Catherine or losing her scholarship, Hayley comes up with a third option - brainwash Catherine into becoming a lesbian. But that's impossible. Or is it?

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Big Kahuna's favorite authors on Smashwords

Chrystal Wynd
Latest book: A Little Knowledge.
Published August 4, 2012. (4.50 from 4 reviews)
Joe Mudak
Latest book: In for a Penny, In for a Pounding.
Published September 21, 2020.
Merry Brooks
Latest book: The Things An Actress Has To Do For A Role.
Published September 21, 2016.

Smashwords book reviews by Big Kahuna

  • Subliminal Awakenings on Feb. 16, 2015

    Nicely done. Well-paced page turner. I would definitely read more by this author.