Burns Well


Not much is known about this author. Rumor has it that he wrote these books shortly before losing his mind. He now resides in an institution for the criminally insane at an undisclosed location. When he's not writing books, he spends most of his time in a straight jacket.


Useless Sayings
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,130. Language: English. Published: January 1, 2016. Categories: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor and satire, Nonfiction » Inspiration » Personal inspiration
Inspiring and motivational quotes are great when you're in need of some good advice and inspiration. 'Useless Sayings' is directed toward the reader who's tired of inspiration and in search of something a little less meaningful.
The Frog Prince
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,350. Language: English. Published: October 19, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Horror » General
This is a parody of the Grimm Brothers' fairy tale by the same name. This book contains immature content, and is forbidden from being read by crybabies, bitches, and pussies.
Little Red Whore Hood
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,400. Language: American English. Published: September 29, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
This book is a parody of Little Red Riding Hood. It might make you laugh, and it will probably make you vomit. If you're a little bitch who throws temper tantrums when your weak grip on reality gets a good shake, or if fiction gets you flustered, then I'm afraid you're too much of a pussy to be allowed to read this book. So please save your money, buy a dildo, and go fuck yourself.
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,180. Language: English. Published: January 16, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Rumpledforeskin is an adult parody of the popular fairy tale "Rumpelstiltskin." This story is not meant to be read by humans or those of you who are offended by anything. Do not try this at home. The author takes absolutely no responsibility for the contents of this book.
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,150. Language: American English. Published: December 17, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Goldipubes is a parody of the classic fairy tale "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". This book is not meant to be read by humans or those of you who are offended by anything. The events described in this book were performed by trained professionals. Do not try this at home. Immature audiences only.

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Smashwords book reviews by Burns Well

  • How to Be Free on Feb. 05, 2014

    Pure wisdom. This writer gives a lot of insight into the workings of the mind and the nature of reality. I've read a lot of Osho's work, and this book is in deep agreement and is also a good supplement to that work.
  • The Anti-Christ Psychosis on Feb. 05, 2014

    This book gives some good insight into the phenomenon of mass psychosis. The author also submits his own common-sense interpretation of some of Jesus's teachings. If you believe in the Antichrist, or if you find yourself making 'Antichrist accusations' toward others, read this book to learn why you must find the Antichrist who lives within your own heart. This book is short, but a good read. There is another book by Joe Blow called 'How to Be Free', which I highly recommend to everyone.
  • Materialism Is Masturbation : Essays In Freedom on Feb. 21, 2014

    The title implies a book about materialism, which is the introductory topic, however much more is discussed in this book. I found it to be an excellent continuation of "How to be free". If you liked the first book, you'll want to keep reading.
  • Questing Beast on March 12, 2014

    This short story was cryptic at times due to a lack of introduction to the story, but it was a good read and very creative. Quite a trip.
  • Lucky in Love on March 12, 2014

    This is a wonderful romance story. The whole story seemed very realistic, from the behavior of the characters to the strength and unpredictability of fate. When the characters fall in love, everyone tries to break them apart (including fate itself). But you can never predict how things will turn out in the end. The coin of luck can flip at any time, and you never know when or for how long. Some of the characters exhibited behavior that seemed very cruel, selfish and narrow-minded. But behind that bewildering behavior was rationale that anyone could relate to.
  • Nearly Departed on March 12, 2014

    If you like mystery or enjoy detective novels, you will probably like this book.