Darren Worrow

Biography

I was born in the Fling Dynasty of a small planet known as Duncan in a galaxy far, far away. My humble parents, believing the planet was on the eve of destruction, sent me off as a baby in an egg-shaped craft and I landed here on planet Earth in the spring of 1973. I was later to discover through a cavern of ice, as you do, that the planet was fine all the time and it was just a particularly nasty prank by my father’s mates down the pub.

I landed in a deep jungle and was raised by a company of wolves, learning to live as they did. Until one day when a naughty tiger with a very English accent came along and I was whisked away by a black panther and a jazz singing bear to a man-village. It wasn’t the tiger I was worried about; it was the American cartoon producer following on behind him.

It was at the village that I won a golden ticket to visit a chocolate factory where I fell into a river made of chocolate and was sucked up a pipe into a fudge room; happy days. It could have been worse; I heard some other kid turned into an exploding blueberry.

I lived at a coastal Inn for a while until an old sailor paid me a penny to look out for a legless seadog; what a cheapskate. In finding him I discovered a treasure map and was promptly whisked away by a sailor to a Caribbean island where I got into a bit of a rumble with some pirate radio DJ called Captain Tony Blackbeard. It was that or another holiday in Clacton.

At eleven I was taken away by a man with an uncanny resemblance to actor and comedian Robbie Coltrane to a school for wizards where I had to battle it out with some bald blue bloke who killed my parents, said he was a lawyer working for an author called JK Rolling or something. That wasn’t as bad as the frog flavoured semolina we had to eat for school dinner.

As I grew up and went to college I decided to give my favourite toys, a cowboy and a space ranger, away to a snotty girl from around the corner, nobody told me the cowboy was really Tom Hanks otherwise I would have given them away a lot sooner.

So, other than the time I was bitten by a rare spider and found myself with special arachnid powers which I used to defeat an evil leprechaun, I left college and it was all very uneventful.

Nowadays I have settled down to a family life and enjoy writing books, striving to be more like Bruce Bogtrotter every day. People say “where do you get your ideas from?” I tell them I have no idea, I've had such a boring, everyday life.

If you really can be bothered to know more about me why don’t you visit my website at www.darrenworrow.webs.com and find out even more honest facts?

Smashwords Interview

When did you first start writing?
As soon as I could pick up a pencil I was writing, what a silly question.
How has Smashwords contributed to your success?
I have only just began using Smashwords and I am impressed so far with its efficiency and easy to use system, loving it more than apple pie and that is saying something.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Darren Worrow online


Where to buy in print


Videos

KELLY
This is the book trailer I made for KELLY. No expense spared, I made it myself, the first time I have ever animated anything; never again!

White Space Van Man
Introducing Barry, White Space Van Man, be afraid, be very afraid.

Books

No Surprises Living in Devizes 2
Price: $2.79 USD. Words: 41,550. Language: English. Published: March 16, 2018. Categories: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor & satire
Another bought of my humble little column all about my hometown of Devizes.
Cracked it Mate; The Memoirs of God.
Price: Free! Words: 6,220. Language: English. Published: August 21, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Hiya, God here, yeah brah, it’s really me, the number one divinity; if there’s another than he’s a phoney. So now the chores are done, well I’ve still got to take the bins out, but most of them are done, and I’m also done creating the universe, I thought it high time I sat and wrote my memoirs; all the celebs are doing it.
No Surprises Living in Devizes
Price: $2.50 USD. Words: 47,550. Language: English. Published: February 23, 2017. Categories: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor & satire
A collation of all the year’s No Surprises Living in Devizes, a local regular causerie i write for the news site Index; Wiltshire; you won't like it i warn you.
Blindfold
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,300. Language: English. Published: July 2, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Horror » Ghost, Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction
“Ghosts are a figment of the imagination, we proved it here today."
Shadows And Teeth, Volume 1
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 76,590. Language: English. Published: April 30, 2016 by Darkwater Syndicate, Inc.. Categories: Fiction » Anthologies » Horror, Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - multi-author
Prepare for extreme horror. This collection of ten stories features a range of international talent, award-winning authors and new voices in the genre. Take care as you reach into these dark places, for the things here bite, and you may withdraw a hand short of a few fingers.
I Am Not Frazzle, and other stories for grownups!
Price: $3.00 USD. Words: 65,720. Language: English. Published: April 28, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Inspirational
All proceeds of this anthology goes to the Devizes and District Opportunity Centre, a registered charity in the UK that helps children with disabilities and learning difficulties get a better start to life.
Stark Trek: White Space Van Man 2
Price: $3.00 USD. Words: 113,510. Language: English. Published: April 4, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
A not so distant future, In a galaxy so close it is in fact, this one……….. White Space Van Man 2: Stark Trek.
White Space Van Man
Price: $3.95 USD. Words: 130,490. Language: English. Published: April 4, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
A not so distant future, In a galaxy so close it is in fact, this one……….. White Space Van Man.
White Space Van Man The Prequel: Total Fickle
Price: Free! Words: 17,510. Language: English. Published: April 4, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(4.00 from 1 review)
A not so distant future, In a galaxy so close it is in fact, this one……….. . Workshy slob and long term redundant doughnut Barry is a modern man, well, he takes the bins out and it has been known that, sometimes, he even washes up the dishes. When his good intentions to generally skive and dodge his job centre interview horribly backfires in the worst possible way, o
The Perminator
Price: Free! Words: 18,820. Language: British English. Published: March 21, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
It wasn’t the fact that in 1984 Hollywood movie director James Cameron had a premonition that I would write this book and quickly altered the character’s names and the plot slightly to make his blockbusting film, it was the fact that he then sent a robot back through time to eliminate me before I was born by targeting me dear ol’ mum that annoyed me.
Saffron
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 18,760. Language: British English. Published: March 20, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Thriller & suspense » Psychological thriller
A dark and disturbing psychological thriller, written in the first person; things are not always as they at first seem to be.
One Piece Missing
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 33,680. Language: British English. Published: March 14, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Romance » Paranormal
It’s a wonderful modern romance fable with a mysterious twisty bit.
The Hargreaves Code
Price: $1.50 USD. Words: 27,430. Language: English. Published: March 14, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
It should be noted here and now that this book is in no way similar to anything that a more renowned author has ever written, like say, Dan Brown, just to pick a name out of the hat… so there!
A Chip off the Old Block
Price: Free! Words: 28,680. Language: English. Published: March 6, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Horror » Undead
(3.00 from 1 review)
Dan, a hip London DJ finds himself stuck in a peculiar village in the deepest darkest corner of rural Wiltshire. He unearths a shadowy secret hidden by the residents of the village. Can he and his sidekick sally work out a way of distinguishing the horrific walking dead from the average village resident?

Darren Worrow's tag cloud


Smashwords book reviews by Darren Worrow

  • A Petition to Magic on Jan. 12, 2013

    A simple fantasy set in the days of courts, queens and wizards which is surprisingly entertaining. Don’t get me wrong the author is not the next Tolkien; this short story lacks a certain descriptive attention and characterisation but charms none-the-less. I suspect I may be too past it to fully appreciate it and suggest that it aims for a possible teenage audience. It is worth a quick read and I think the author has the potential to improve to the point of creating something very interesting.
  • A Petition to Magic on Jan. 12, 2013

    A simple fantasy set in the days of courts, queens and wizards which is surprisingly entertaining. Don’t get me wrong the author is not the next Tolkien; this short story lacks a certain descriptive attention and characterisation but charms none-the-less. I suspect I may be too past it to fully appreciate it and suggest that it aims for a possible teenage audience. It is worth a quick read and I think the author has the potential to improve to the point of creating something very interesting.