Donald Rump

Biography

When he's not writing about old, crusty farts, Donald Rump writes about actual farts--the stinkier the better. He is also an advocate of the No Fart Left Behind program and marriage equality for all gaseous entities great and small. Apparently, he also gives dating advice.

Mr. Rump lives in Southern Maryland with his pet fart Floofy.

Where to find Donald Rump online


Books

Bottling Farts, Inc. - Episode 7: Detained
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,210. Language: English. Published: March 27, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Detained is the seventh episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000 words.
El Aspirante a Pedonauta
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,670. Language: Spanish. Published: March 25, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Hank Larmspitz tiene un plan. Bueno, más o menos. Va a ser el primer hombre en la luna, maldita sea, y va a hacerlo sin la ayuda de un traje espacial o incluso de una nave espacial. ¿Qué tiene en mente exactamente?
Date Like A Scoundrel: 10 Things to Tell Ugly Chicks on a First Date
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 12,190. Language: English. Published: December 11, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Young adult or teen » Social Issues
You’ve set your sites on the ugliest girl in the room, if not on earth. Even though you’ve set the bar low—way low—you’re not sure how to proceed. Perhaps you could use some advice before pissing your precious time and money away? Good, for I have just the thing for you. From one scoundrel to another…
Butt-Dialing Bastard
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,520. Language: English. Published: October 16, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
When Lenny Ludwitz gets a call from a mysterious stranger, he knows that he's totally f*cked. After going round and round with the knucklehead caller, Lenny and his trio of halfwit friends come to the only conclusion that they can--that the call, indeed, is originating from his bunghole. Approximately 2,500 words.
Bottling Farts, Inc. - Episode 6: Disguised
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,340. Language: English. Published: September 29, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Disguised is the sixth episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000 words.
Like a Festering Ingrown Toenail--Where's My Side of Toe Cheese?
Price: Free! Words: 2,030. Language: English. Published: July 3, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Earl Muggs wanted a wife. Instead, he got the devil, or close to it. His witch of a wife Helga doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, and certainly doesn’t polish yours truly. Gagnabbit! So what’s a man to do? Get revenge, that’s what! And mental midget Muggs knows just how… Approximately 1,150 words. Warning: Contains toe cheese.
Keeping Wind Laten and the Fate of the World at Bay
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,110. Language: English. Published: July 2, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories
Great heavens, the armored kingdoms are under attack! And King Krakken, the domain’s irritable ruler, has an impossible decision. Should he scramble the air ships and meet the encroaching enemy head on or listen to his counsel and hold firm? Either way, the green death is upon him and it’s only a matter of time before he comes face-to-face with the infamous Wind Laten.
A Lonely, Wayward Fart Named Steve - Episode 1: Maloofed
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,890. Language: English. Published: April 24, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
When Steve Skaggs realizes that his earthly body is gone and now he’s a crusty, old fart, the circumstances behind his mysterious death become clear, sending him on an aloof adventure of betrayal and deceit. A Lonely, Wayward Fart Named Steve is an ongoing serial novel. This particular volume, including the subsequent author’s note, is approximately 3,150 words.
Bottling Farts, Inc. - Episode 5: Discombobulated
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,910. Language: English. Published: April 23, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Discombobulated is the fifth episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000 words.
Five Reasons Why Dating Hot Chicks Is A Bad Idea
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 7,860. Language: English. Published: April 17, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Nonfiction » Relationships and Family » Dating
You found her! The hottest chick you've ever laid eyes on wants you and only you. But aren't you forgetting something? You're broke, and this chick is way out of your league. She's scorching hot and you're…well…lucky to have her. Or so you think… This short volume will help demystify the impact of a high maintenance hottie and encourage you to resist the urge of diving into debt.
Diez Cuentos Apestosos: Volumen 1
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 30,360. Language: Spanish. Published: April 7, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Diez historias de amor, traición y ese gas verde favorito de todos en un inolvidable volumen. Para lectores adultos (maduros o no). Aproximadamente 30.000 palabras.
Público Cautivo
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,180. Language: Spanish. Published: April 4, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Tres hombres, una secretaria rubia, un ascensor atascado y una serie de pedos horribles y letales. ¿Qué podría salir mal? Pensado para públicos adultos (y no tanto). Aproximadamente 3600 palabras.
El Crítico Enculado
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,800. Language: Spanish. Published: April 2, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
El culo de Zack Pimpton nunca ha estado peor, y el hecho de que el médico sea un comediante a tiempo parcial no ayuda. Por desgracia, Zack es bastante cabrón y dice lo que no debe, haciendo que el buen doctor se ponga furioso. Aproximadamente 2.500 palabras.
Captive Audience
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,450. Language: English. Published: March 19, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Three men, one blonde secretary, a jammed up elevator, and a series of ghastly, deadly farts. What could possibly go wrong? Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 3,600 words.
Ten Stinky Stories: Vol. 1
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 33,110. Language: English. Published: March 5, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Celebrating the best of fart fiction, Donald Rump weaves together ten flatulent tales of love, betrayal, flesh-eating cannibals, and everyone's favorite green gas, that are sure to blow you away. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Over 100 pages (approximately 32,000 words).
Bottling Farts, Inc. - Episode 3: Dismembered
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,990. Language: English. Published: October 5, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Dismembered is the third episode of the ongoing serial Bottling Farts, Inc., created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000 words.
Bottling Farts, Inc. - Episode 2: Defiled
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,250. Language: English. Published: October 5, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Defiled is the second episode of the ongoing serial Bottling Farts, Inc., created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000 words.
Bottling Farts, Inc. - Episode 1: Disheveled
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,740. Language: English. Published: October 5, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Disheveled is the first episode of the serial Bottling Farts, Inc., created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000 words.
Bottling Farts, Inc. - Episode 4: Disrespected
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,670. Language: English. Published: October 4, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Disrespected is the fourth episode of the ongoing serial, Bottling Farts, Inc., created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000 words.
Cuatro Cuentos Apestosos: Volumen 2
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 14,410. Language: Spanish. Published: August 8, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Cuatro historias de amor, traición y ese gas verde favorito de todos en un inolvidable volumen. Para lectores adultos (maduros o no). Aproximadamente 14.000 palabras.
Cuatro Cuentos Apestosos: Volumen 1
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 11,390. Language: Spanish. Published: August 8, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Cuatro historias de amor, traición y ese gas verde favorito de todos en un inolvidable volumen. Para lectores adultos (maduros o no). Aproximadamente 11.000 palabras.
Buscando a Floofy
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,660. Language: Spanish. Published: August 8, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Cuando un hombre se enamora perdidamente de un pedo asesino, le resulta difícil aceptar su misteriosa partida. ¿Fue algo que dijo? ¿Algo que hizo? ¿Era su pene demasiado pequeño? Nada tiene sentido. "Te encontraré, mi querida Floofy. ¡Aunque sea lo último que haga!" Para lectores maduros (y no tanto). Aproximadamente 4400 palabras.
Escapada de Fin de Semana
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,670. Language: Spanish. Published: August 8, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Cuando Martin Dollop y Arthur Bodine parten para unas vacaciones románticas en las islas, no tienen idea de lo que les espera. Ahora se pudren en una celda de una cárcel mexicana y parece que han llegado al final del camino. Hasta el pinche guardia no les hará el honor de meterles una bala en la cabeza y les ofrece un poco de veneno para acabar con su sufrimiento.
El Matrimonio Apesta
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,110. Language: Spanish. Published: August 5, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Mackelroy Puggsley creía haberlo oído todo, hasta que un extraño hombre llamado Bilby Bloob se aparece en su vestíbulo una mañana. Cuando Bilby le pide un permiso de matrimonio para su gaseosa esposa, el viejo pone el freno. Sí, una cosa es casarte con tu novia de la secundaria, pero ¿con un pedo? ¿A quién se le puede ocurrir casarse con un pedo?
Four Stinky Stories: Vol. 2
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 14,960. Language: English. Published: July 30, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Celebrating the best of fart fiction, Donald Rump weaves together four new flatulent tales of love, betrayal, flesh-eating cannibals and everyone's favorite green gas in one dastardly volume. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 14,000 words in all.
Hasta que el Gran Pedo Nos Separe
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,150. Language: Spanish. Published: July 30, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Los temores de Helen Hubbard finalmente se han confirmado. Una mañana, durante el almuerzo en su restaurante favorito, su esposo Gary le confiesa que la ha estado engañando, y está listo para abandonarla en un instante. Cuando ella hurga en el asunto, descubre más de lo que quería saber sobre Muffy, la misteriosa amante de él. "¿¿¿Entonces me estás dejando por un pedo???", exclamó Helen.
The Would Be Asstronaut
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,870. Language: English. Published: July 29, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Hank Larmspitz has a plan. Well, sort of. He's going to be the first man on the moon, dagnabbit, and he's going to do it without the aid of a space suit or even a space ship. Exactly what does he have in mind? Dan Dinkerleaf, a local correspondent for KAAS-LD Eureeka, wants to find out. When he discovers Hank's true intentions, his patience becomes paper thin. "Seriously?" he blurts out.
Weekend Getaway
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,980. Language: English. Published: July 29, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
When Martin Dollop and Arthur Bodine set off for a romantic vacation in the islands, they have no idea what they're in for. Now rotting away in a Mexican jail cell, it appears that they've reached the end of their rope. Even the pinche guard won't do them the honor of putting a bullet in their heads, and offers each a shot of poison to end their suffering.
Tot de dood ons schijt
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,640. Language: Dutch. Published: July 29, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
De angsten van Helen Hubbard worden eindelijk bevestigd. Op een ochtend tijdens de brunch in haar favoriete restaurant bekent haar man Gary dat hij haar bedriegt en klaar is om te vertrekken. Als ze doorvraagt over de materie, komt ze meer te weten over zijn mysterieuze minnares Muffy. "Dus je laat mij in de steek voor een scheet???" riep Helen.
Gastrointestinal Blues
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,740. Language: English. Published: July 29, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Since leaving his posh position at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd smelled the last psychotic fart that nearly killed him. But in his new role as a psychologist, he quickly realizes that the problem is more widespread than he thought. Will a crazed client and his two gassy brides prevent the old man from getting one last piece of nookie before he dies?
A Punto de Reventar
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,400. Language: Spanish. Published: July 29, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Barnabus Prim ha llegado al final del camino. Ahogado en deudas y casado con una mujer odiosa que no puede ni verlo, decide hacer lo impensable. Pero encontrar el camino al más allá resulta mucho más difícil de lo que él había imaginado. Para lectores adultos (maduros o no). Aproximadamente 3000 palabras.
La Pregunta de 500 Dólares
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,750. Language: Spanish. Published: July 29, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Perkins Deadwood no puede dar crédito a sus oídos. Su hijo de doce años acaba de pedirle para Navidad un pedo mascota. Y no cualquier pedo: un pedo español. ¡Ay, caramba! ¿Podrá disuadir a su hijo el vendedor de autos usados? ¿O será esta Navidad realmente apestosa? Para lectores maduros (y no tanto). Aproximadamente 2.500 palabras.
Till Death Do Us Fart
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,360. Language: English. Published: May 18, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Helen Hubbard's fears have finally been confirmed. During brunch one morning in her favorite restaurant, her husband Gary confesses to cheating on her, and is ready to leave at a moment's notice. When she pries deeper into the matter, she discovers more about his mysterious lover Muffy than she cares to know. “So you’re leaving me for a fart???” Helen exclaimed.
Finding Floofy
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,030. Language: English. Published: January 26, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
When a man falls head over heels for a murderous fart, he has difficulty coping with her mysterious departure. Was it something he said? Something he did? Is his penis too small? None of it makes any sense. "I will find you, my darling Floofy. Even if it's the last thing I do!" For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 4,250 words in all.
The $500 Question
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,950. Language: English. Published: January 6, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Perkins Deadwood can't believe his ears. His twelve-year-old son just asked for a pet fart for Christmas. And not just any fart, a Spanish fart. Hay caramba! Can the used car salesman talk his son out of it? Or is this Christmas really going to stink? For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 2,100 words.
Going Dutch
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,620. Language: English. Published: December 21, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Barnabus Prim has reached the end of his rope. Drowning in debt and married to an obnoxious wife who can't stand the sight of him, he decides to do the unthinkable. But finding a way to the afterlife proves much more difficult than he imagined. For mature audiences. Approximately 2,800 words.
The Chapped-Ass Critic
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,090. Language: English. Published: December 21, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the good, old doctor to snap. Approximately 2,300 words.
20 Common Questions About Farts
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 12,470. Language: English. Published: December 8, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Think you know everything there is to know about mankind's favorite green gas? Well, Donald Rump has something in store for you! Inside, you'll finally get to the bottom of many age-old questions, including: - Where do farts come from? - Are farts people? - Do farts die? - Do all farts go to heaven? - What should I do if a zombie farts on me? And many, many more!
Bottling Farts
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,020. Language: English. Published: November 20, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Could the greatest power… The path to riches beyond our wildest imagination… The key to reaching the highest level of spiritual awareness and happiness… …be obtained by bottling farts??? "Shh…it's our secret…" Vlad told the little boy. "Use the power wisely…" Approximately 2,200 words.
Four Stinky Stories (Volume 1)
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 11,050. Language: English. Published: November 17, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
Celebrating the best of fart fiction, Donald Rump brings you four flatulent tales of love, betrayal and everyone's favorite green gas in one unforgettable volume. Intended for mature audiences. Approximately 11,000 words in all.
Marriage Stinks
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,390. Language: English. Published: November 10, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
(4.00)
Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd heard it all until an odd man named Bilby Bloob shows up in his lobby one morning. When Bilby demands a marriage license for his gassy wife, the old man puts his foot down. Sure, it's one thing to marry your high school sweetheart, but a fart? Who in the world marries farts?

Donald Rump's tag cloud

adult humor    astronaut    author    bad dating advice    bad idea    battle    black comedy    black humor    boy    bride    cheating    christmas    collection    comedy    couple    crazy    critic    date    dating    dating advice    death    demented comedy    disco    divorce    dmv    doctor    dutch oven    fart    fart fiction    fart humor    farts    flatulence    flatulent    fun    funny    gas    gassy    gay    gift    hate    hilarious    how to    humor    humorous    husband    king    knight    loser    love    marriage    moon    patient    plague    queefs    queen    relationships    revenge    ridiculous    romance    romantic getaway    serial    serial novel    short story    silly    smelly    space    stinky    suicide    toe cheese    toilet humor    vacation    wife    wild    writing