Gene Clements

Biography

Gene Clements is an artist, architect, and educator. He began the Tilly and Elmer series by writing a couple of paragraphs about a frisky older couple. His friends thought they were funny and wanted to find out what was going to happen if he finished the story. Now they know, for better or worse.
Gene grew up in a small town in the Midwest although he now lives in California. He thinks he’s eighteen, but he’s really the same age as Tilly and Elmer. These stories aren’t necessarily autobiographical. Gene knows a lot of interesting people and has a prolific imagination; a dangerous combination.

Smashwords Interview

What is the greatest joy of writing for you?
By now, I know my characters pretty well. I love trying to figure out how they would respond to situations that come up in the stories. I'm often surprised at the result, I even try to talk them out of what they want to do sometimes, but they always win the argument.
When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
I draw. I practiced architecture for about forty years and drawing was a great hobby because no one could tell me they didn't like my work. Well, they could tell me, but since they weren't my client, I didn't have to listen. These days I belong to a figure drawing group. We draw together once a week, and I often draw in coffee shops, on the beach, or wherever. I have done all my drawings on the iPad (including the illustrations in my books) for several years.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Gene Clements online

Series

Moving In
After leaving the small town where she grew up, and later raised her daughter, Betty had enjoyed twenty years of naughty adventures while living in Chicago with a man who was as offbeat, fun loving, and as full of sensuous shenanigans, as she. Now, with her soul mate no longer living, she and her daughter have decided it’s time for mom to move back to the small Illinois town of Valley Ridge, and back into her old house, now owned and occupied by her churchgoing, strait-laced, man-hating, middle-aged daughter, Katherine, who is embarrassed by her mom’s fun loving and uninhibited lifestyle. Katherine’s plan is to teach her mom the proper moral and niminy-piminy attitudes and behavior that will insure she is accepted back into her old town and settle down into a routine that will avoid bringing scandal to the family! Each looked forward to this arrangement with a bit of hesitation. As you’ll see, this hesitation was justified.
Wicked Quickies
Stories in the Wicked Quickies series are "Wicked" (Adjective: 1. 'disgustingly unpleasant': 'VILE'; or 2. 'great', 'cool', 'splendid': 'WONDERFUL'). Which definition you wish to apply to these stories will be up to you. On the other hand, each story consists of 1000 words or less and can be read in approximately five minutes, so I believe most readers will agree they can be accurately described as "Quickies." Due to the brevity of the stories, in many cases the humorous adventure ends just before the "Climax", allowing the reader to enjoy supplying his or her own happy ending! Whatever ending you invent, I hope the details are thrillingly wicked!
Ritual
Price: Free!
Birthday Presence
Price: Free!
Trio
Price: Free!
Bag Tag
Price: Free!
The Shady Side of South Branch
South Branch, a made-up town in Southeast Iowa, has its share of colorful and carnal characters. Some of their alarming, yet amusing, adventures are chronicled in these 28 erotic short stories, grouped under seven headings including: “The Party Girls of Hardwood Pointe,” “Upstairs at Claire’s,” “Sue and Bobby,” “Junkyard Cats,” “Rosalie’s Palm,” “Goode Grief,” and “Rich and Raven,” that will have you rolling on the floor - and sometimes laughing! Like any human settlement, South Branch has its share of secrets, desires, and incidents that most participants hope will not become common knowledge, and, like most secrets, these, or some incomplete, incorrect, minimized, or exaggerated version of them, quickly become part of the town’s breaking news. These secrets fade into vague memory fragments over time as fresh gossip becomes the entertainment of the day. In spite of the whispers and raised eyebrows, the hearers of these stories divide themselves, somewhat randomly, into those who are inwardly horrified by what they’ve heard, and those who are inwardly envious of the miscreants. Sometimes these responses do battle in the same person.
Naughty Bedtime Stories to Keep You Awake
Fun and funny erotic stories for reading to each other at bedtime - or any other time! Need something to wake you up at bedtime so you don’t go to sleep and miss all the excitement? The "Naughty Bedtime Stories to Keep You Awake" Series will alleviate this annoying problem! Short, funny, and gently erotic stories to put you and your bed partner in a playful mood.
Serendipity
Price: Free!
Room 101
Price: Free!
The All Nighter
Price: Free!
Watch This
Price: Free!
Tilly and Elmer's Carnal Calendar
More humorous and sexy adventures involving Tilly and Elmer, a Midwestern couple in their late sixties. They’ve been married for close to fifty years, they still like each other, and they know what to do about it! The short stories in this series are about celebration! Tilly and Elmer love to celebrate holidays, from Valentine’s Day to National Bourbon Day. They’re always in the mood to celebrate, and somehow the celebration always involves their continuing attempts to behave like eighteen year olds. The attempts don’t always work as planned, but they are always romantic, funny, and frisky!
Tilly and Elmer - The Sexy Seniors of South Branch
These fictional stories chronicle the romantic, usually erotic, and almost always humorous, adventures of Tilly and Elmer, a Midwestern couple in their late sixties. They’ve been married for close to fifty years, and would appear to the casual observer to be the definition of an “old married couple”. But while they ARE a couple, AND married, they don’t consider themselves OLD. In fact, they still feel like teenagers most of the time, although sometimes events remind them that they aren’t quite as athletic, skinny, or flexible, as they were five decades ago. No matter. They try to recapture their youth anyway; and when they can’t quite recapture it, they at least give it a good chase. Along the way, they have some fun and get themselves into, and usually out of, some humorous situations. What they’ve lost over the years in body tone, they have gained in expertise, imagination, and good humor.
Tilly and Elmer FlashbackX - Coming of Age in South Branch
In Coming of Age in South Branch, Tilly and Elmer, sexy sexagenarians from Iowa, reminisce about their passionate, clumsy, delicious, funny (or so it seems in retrospect), and “educational” high school romance. The book describes the delights and disasters experienced by students of do-it-yourself sex education (the only kind available in the Midwest during the early nineteen-sixties). The learning was all hands-on in those days. Of course, this was Tilly and Elmer’s favorite subject and they pursued it with scholarly dedication. Beginning just before their junior year with Elmer’s discovery, at the local swimming pool, that Matilda Williams, a girl he had known since second grade, could be a possible candidate for his teenaged erotic fantasies, through two years of attentive study in the arts of love, until they tearfully depart for colleges two thousand miles apart, each was responsible for the best part of the other’s education. Their recounting of those days, even though it includes a bit of selective memory and revisionist history here and there, is sweet, nostalgic, funny, and a little dirty. Sometimes more than a little.

Books

Moving In: Busy Days
Series: Moving In. Price: Free! Words: 5,400. Language: English. Published: June 18, 2024 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Romance » Later in Life
Episode 9 (of 22) – Eventually, Lester and Betty put the finishing touches on the ‘mom cave’ and decided to celebrate with their first opportunity for intimacy since their roll in the hay at the farm. For now, his was impossible at home so, in a devil may care mood, they revived the old high school gambit of parking in a private place out in the country. This was both successful, and perilous.
Moving In: Sleepless in Valley Ridge
Series: Moving In, Book 8. Price: Free! Words: 4,870. Language: English. Published: June 11, 2024 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Romance » Later in Life
Episode 8 (of 22) – Katherine couldn’t sleep after the afternoon conversation with her friend Mary, and when Betty and Lester got back unexpectedly late, and then spent an hour necking in the car after they did get home, she was miffed. A quick test of the vibrator her mom had left on her nightstand led to a sleepless night, and when she WAS sleeping, her dreams were frightening! And delightful!
Moving In: Barn Dance
Series: Moving In, Book 7. Price: Free! Words: 5,790. Language: English. Published: June 4, 2024 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Romance » Later in Life
Episode 7 (of 22) – At the farm, Lester introduced Betty to his brother Chester and Chester’s wife Lori. While the men went to town in the truck for an errand, Lori showed Betty the secret sex den she and Chester had constructed in the hay loft. This hideaway was complete with everything for a perfect tryst, and our lovers spent the afternoon enjoying all the charms of the loft, and each other.
Moving In: Girl Talk
Series: Moving In, Book 6. Price: Free! Words: 4,510. Language: English. Published: May 28, 2024 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Romance » Later in Life
Episode 6 (of 22) – While Lester and Betty went to Dansville in search of a sofa/BED which would become the ‘High Altar’ of their private basement hangout, Katherine spent the afternoon visiting with her friend Mary, also known as ‘The Virgin Mary’, the daughter of Reverend Grawlix. During their chat, Katherine became concerned that Mary may have taken up with a handsome but dangerous young man!
Moving In: Betty’s “Mom Cave”
Series: Moving In, Book 5. Price: Free! Words: 5,800. Language: English. Published: May 21, 2024 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Romance » Later in Life
Episode 5 (of 22) – Lester and Betty decided, with Katherine’s permission, to build a “Mom Cave” in the corner of her unfinished basement as a secret sex den. They didn’t want to wait, though, to consummate their new relationship; unfortunately, an attempt to accomplish this in the local park was foiled. Luckily, when they visited Lester’s brother on the old family farm, their problem was solved.
Moving In: Dinner Date
Series: Moving In, Book 4. Price: Free! Words: 6,050. Language: English. Published: May 14, 2024 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Romance » Later in Life
Episode 4 (of 22) – Betty and Lester were eager to “get back in touch” after having not seen each other for a half century, and they planned a dinner date for the next Friday. Both agreed the date, which included sweet flirtation and arousing inuendo, was fun and romantic. And although they didn’t catch up on EVERYTHING, by the end of the evening, Lester HAD discovered Betty rarely wore panties.
Moving In: Reverend Grawlix Comes A-Calling
Series: Moving In, Book 3. Price: Free! Words: 4,930. Language: English. Published: May 8, 2024 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Romance » Later in Life
Episode 3 (of 22) – On Wednesday, Reverend Grawlix, having heard that Betty had attended his church as a young girl, and hoping to recruit her as a regular member of his flock, paid the family a friendly visit. As they talked, Betty recounted an embarrassing and scandalous incident from Sunday School – the incident that had caused her to renounce attending church, and wearing panties, ever since.
Moving In: Church
Series: Moving In, Book 2. Price: Free! Words: 4,850. Language: English. Published: April 30, 2024 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Romance » Later in Life
Episode 2 (of 22) - In hopes of introducing Mom to ‘all the right’ people, Katherine takes Mom to church where she introduces her to Reverend Grawlix and several of the older, most proper, and well connected ladies of Valley Ridge. Meanwhile, Betty runs into a boy she knew back in high school, and they find each had an unacted upon crush on the other. The two find they have lots to catch up on!
Moving In: Asking for Trouble
Series: Moving In, Book 1. Price: Free! Words: 5,300. Language: American English. Published: April 23, 2024 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire, Fiction » Romance » Later in Life
Episode 1 (of 22) – Betty, a pleasantly promiscuous and playful 70 year old mom, sporting magenta hair and naughty tattoos, moves back to the small and conservative Midwestern town where she grew up. She’ll be living with her up-tight, prudish, strait-laced, man-hating daughter, who wants to teach her mom to be an upstanding and scandal-free citizen for a change. What could go wrong?
Sally's Curious Neighbor
Series: Wicked Quickies, Book 7. Price: Free! Words: 81,050. Language: English. Published: July 5, 2023 . Categories: Fiction » Romance » Erotic, Fiction » Romance » Romantic Comedy
It’s another lonely night for Sally. Again, she’s counting on her favorite TV actor and her pillow, “Lance” to keep her company. As she watches a romantic movie, a young man across the street from her apartment steps out onto his balcony. Sally soon finds his activity much more entertaining than the program on her TV and considers how he might be tempted to come over and entertain her in person.
Train 6 Party Mix
Price: $6.99 USD. Words: 83,980. Language: English. Published: May 12, 2023 . Categories: Fiction » Romance » Contemporary, Fiction » Romance » Romantic Comedy
(4.50 from 2 reviews)
Welcome aboard Train 6, the California Zephyr, bound for Chicago. One of the great pleasures of train travel is meeting new people you’d be unlikely to meet under any other circumstances. On this trip, the passengers get acquainted, intimately, and enjoy each other’s company in a surprising variety of ways. And the party mix gets larger and even more exciting once they get to the Windy City.
Max and Mable on the Table
Series: Wicked Quickies, Book 6. Price: Free! Words: 3,280. Language: English. Published: February 24, 2023 . Categories: Fiction » Romance » Adult, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Max and Mabel aren’t as young and agile as they used to be, and they can be a little forgetful at times, but there’s one thing Mabel never lets Max forget! Especially when it’s springtime! Even when she has to remind him of the activities they enjoyed as teenagers on their coffee table when it was located in her parents’ living room, it all comes back to him in “Max and Mable on the Table”.
Bag Tag
Series: Wicked Quickies, Book 5. Price: Free! Words: 3,000. Language: English. Published: September 22, 2022 . Categories: Fiction » Romance » Adult, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(5.00 from 1 review)
“Many bags look alike! Be sure to check the luggage tag to be sure you have your own bag!” We’ve all seen these warning signs at airport baggage carousels, but it’s easy to skip this step, as Paul and Nicole did in “Bag Tag”. In their case, however, each of them was thrilled to fulfill the need to correct the oversight, especially after examining the contents of the bag they came home with.
Getting Nina Naked
Series: Wicked Quickies, Book 4. Price: Free! Words: 3,000. Language: English. Published: June 1, 2022 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Romance, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Nina was beside herself with anticipation when her internet friend, Alex, arrived for their first visit. The hotel room was ready, and Nina could hardly wait to begin the romantic rendezvous they had planned. Before tumbling into bed though, her suddenly face-to-face friend had an opening gambit involving the slow removal of her clothing and its distribution to random locations around the room.
Trio
Series: Wicked Quickies, Book 3. Price: Free! Words: 2,990. Language: English. Published: March 3, 2022 . Categories: Fiction » Romance » Adult, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Jim and Sophie, back for a High School Band reunion twenty years after they graduated, are free in their old hometown. The kids are at their grandparents’ house, and Jim and Sophie are looking forward to a throwback weekend in the motel where they lost their virginity together twenty years ago. Their old mutual friend Tom will be there too, and old fantasies may just be remembered. And rekindled!
Birthday Presence
Series: Wicked Quickies, Book 2. Price: Free! Words: 3,000. Language: English. Published: February 17, 2022 . Categories: Fiction » Romance » Adult, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
The thrill was gone. Both knew it. Delbert’s desire for Birdie’s body had changed over twenty-five years from unlimited to uninterested. Birdie had attempted dressing in sexier clothes and being more affectionate, but nothing had helped. As a last resort, she consulted her good friend, Vivian, about her Delbert dilemma. The very experienced Vivian, whose name means “Lively”, had a foolproof, idea!
Ritual
Series: Wicked Quickies, Book 1. Price: Free! Words: 2,990. Language: English. Published: January 18, 2022 . Categories: Fiction » Romance » Adult, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Even though they rarely see each other around town, and have never touched each other, next door neighbors, Ruby and Earl, celebrate a small but thrilling ritual together every Friday night, after Ruby's husband has gone to work and Earl's elderly mother had gone to bed. Both participants anticipate and prepare for this ritual as though it was a religious ceremony, and for them, it is.
Titillating Tizzy
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 4,600. Language: English. Published: December 21, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » For Couples, Fiction » Romance » Adult
Tammy Elizabeth was buzzing with excitement. She and Bruno were driving back to South Branch to visit their sexy friends, Rich and Raven. And the menu for this visit included a ceremony intended to welcome Tizzy into their sex play circle. Tiz had participated once before; but this time she would be the center of attention! Rich, Bruno, and Raven were about to focus all their affection on her!
NICE Girls Don’t DO That, TammyLIZbuth
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,260. Language: English. Published: December 7, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Lesbian, Fiction » Romance » Adult
Tammy Elizabeth has joined her boyfriend Bruno for an evening sex romp with their new friends, Rich and Raven. Bruno has described these delights, but it has taken Tiz some time to get used to the action, and to observe how attractive and deliciously playful Raven is when she’s naked. The next morning Raven shows her new friend that two women can have plenty of fun without men.
Ravishing Raven
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 5,130. Language: English. Published: November 23, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » For Couples, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
It’s late in the day when Bruno arrives at the R&R Ranch with his biweekly delivery, and Raven is excited. This means he’ll have to stay overnight and drive back to Des Moines in the morning. What’s more, a thunderstorm is brewing in the west, and a plan involving Bruno and Rich is brewing between Raven’s legs. She can’t wait to see how wet she’ll get when she feels the downpour from these two.
Creekside Caper
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,230. Language: English. Published: November 9, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » For Couples
Rich and Raven, wealthy owners of a farm north of South Branch, have plenty of playful ideas on how to spend their spare time. These usually involve having sex in assorted locations across their acreage and inviting various partners to join them. Their favorite is Bruno, who makes deliveries to the ranch every other week, and who is an eager playmate, especially when Raven makes the martinis!
Treating Oliver
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 4,140. Language: English. Published: October 26, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
As it often did, Reverend Goode’s sermon this Sunday concerned the evils of homosexuality. After the sermon, a nice looking and clean-cut young man approached him to reveal a need to discuss a personal problem with a man of the cloth. The Reverend was happy to help a potential parishioner, and when the man unexpectedly divulged he was gay, it was no surprise Reverend Good knew exactly what to do!
The Morality Minders
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 4,550. Language: English. Published: October 12, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Reverend Goode and Maude (a virtuous parishioner) had noticed that some churchgoers did not take seriously the Reverend’s weekly warnings about the fate that would befall anyone who committed a sexual sin, meaning engaging in any so called “sexual pleasure,” just for fun. So, to help their naughty friends avoid this iniquity, they created the “Morality Minders” to monitor the miserable miscreants.
Goode Times
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 4,620. Language: English. Published: September 28, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » For Couples
Briana always attended Reverend Goode’s Wednesday night services on her way home from work. She disliked his sermons about the evils of sex, but she loved admiring his heavenly body before returning alone to her bedroom next door. Her window was just across from his study, so she was careful to close the curtains before tuning in to her favorite erotic site and taking care of her sexual needs.
Prey for May
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 4,290. Language: English. Published: September 14, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
May liked Lonnie in every way but one – he wouldn’t treat her to the kind of wild sex she craved. In fact, except for kissing, Lonnie didn’t treat her to any sex at all. She understood this reticence was due to his religious upbringing and sought out Reverend Goode to see if there was a way around her dilemma. Happily, with help from Reverend Goode, May learned how to turn Lonnie into her prey.
Necessary Knowledge for Newbies
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 5,310. Language: English. Published: August 31, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
Pete brings Rosie an exciting evening of lovemaking every Friday when he delivers her weekly supply of beer to “Rosalie’s Palm”. When Pete brings, Lonnie, a young driver he’s training, with him one Friday, Rosie fears their customary frolic is out. But when she introduces Lonnie to May, her young barmaid, the frolic is back on, and Lonnie’s training begins to encompass more than truck driving!
Nights at the Roundtable
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,710. Language: English. Published: August 17, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » For Women
Most nights, three handsome young coworkers occupied the “Rapscallions Roundtable” at Rosalie’s Palm. She loved their humor, flirtatious spirit, and hard bodies; they loved her for the same reasons. And the beer she served. Rosie had no one at home to please her between the sheets, but she often resolved this problem by taking these three home to bed in her imagination, with rewarding results.
Rosalie & John
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 6,640. Language: English. Published: August 3, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » For Couples
John was a regular customer at Rosalie’s Palm, and often stayed until closing time since he had no one to go home to. Rosie didn’t have anyone to go home to either and whenever John had a bit too much, Rosie worried about him driving home. She lived close by and had a soft sofa and a warm bed. And she knew he would be perfectly safe, and they would have lots of fun, if she took him home with her.
Sardines in Pajamas
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,120. Language: English. Published: July 20, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Bringing their pajamas, the “Junkyard Cats” gather once again at George’s Genuine Junkyard to see what crazy games Bridget and Hank have come up with this time! Imagine the kids’ game “Sardines”, played in pajamas. The “it” player secretly hides, and all the others search, joining the it player in hiding until everyone is squeezed into the same small space. Pajamas have been known to get lost.
South Branch Swing Dance
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 2,770. Language: English. Published: July 6, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Adult
It’s another Saturday night at “Camp Canoodle”, and Hank and Bridget have concocted a new caper. “Airstrip” is a game played by a dozen or so players who, while swinging from ropes just above the ground, attempt to undress their fellow combatants (or companions). Like many games played at Camp Canoodle though, not everyone was clear on whether remaining dressed or becoming naked was preferable.
Camp Canoodle
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,010. Language: English. Published: June 22, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Adult
Hank and Bridget provide live-in security for George’s Genuine Junkyard. They also provide nighttime decadence for a rag-tag group of fun-loving rounders known to insiders as “The Junkyard Cats”. They gather often for gamey games, high hilarity, and spirited spirits. In this story, a game of “Blind Man’s Buff” becomes a game of “Blind Man in the Buff”!
The Night Bus to Naughtyness
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 4,040. Language: English. Published: June 8, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
On the first anniversary of losing their virginity together, Sue and Bobby, the cutest young couple in South Branch, were in search of a bottle of vodka and a suitable place to celebrate and reprise this seminal event. This wasn’t allowed at home, but a chance meeting with Hank and Bridget, residents of George’s Junkyard, solved their problem, AND yielded an invitation to join the “Junkyard Cats”.
Frightening Enlightenment
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,310. Language: English. Published: May 25, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
It’s a stormy afternoon, and Sue and Bobby need a dry and private place to make love. Neither of their parents will allow them to do this at home, so they try St. Tiny’s, a garage sized church in a farmer’s field, used by travelers to celebrate their favorite religious rituals. This is going perfectly until two couples, who have different religious practices arrive to worship. Lightning strikes.
Passion in the Park
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 4,390. Language: English. Published: May 11, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
Sue and Bobby plan a passionate afternoon picnic in the county park, anticipating that no one will be there to interrupt their tryst if they walk along the creek to the last picnic table where the park ends at a fenced off cornfield. As they’re leaving however, they discover that Tilly and Elmer Talbot, “The Sexy Seniors of South Branch” arrived at the park a short time later with the same idea.
Rolling in the Dough
Series: Naughty Bedtime Stories to Keep You Awake, Book 9. Price: Free! Words: 4,100. Language: English. Published: May 7, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Erotic
Enzo is the new, and handsome, assistant in Pilly’s bakery, and the oven isn’t the only thing he has turned on to preheat! After a lovely month of flirtation and innuendo, and an after-hours project of adding just the right amount of Bourbon to each other and kneading the mixture until everything has risen, Enzo and Pilly are ready to begin the baking. But what about the cookies?
Facetime
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 4,820. Language: English. Published: April 27, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Erotic
Sue and Bobby were very ready to consummate their new boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, when Bobby had to return briefly to campus in St. Louis! Both were going crazy with lust and anticipation. Imagine TWO WHOLE UNBEARABLE WEEKS before they could take their love to the pinnacle of pleasure! Luckily, Sue’s friend Maddie had an idea that would not only make their separation bearable but thrilling!
Congregate and Conjugate
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 4,790. Language: English. Published: April 13, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Erotic
Bobby, home from college for the summer, really doesn’t want to spend the first Sunday of his summer sitting in church with his parents, and neither does Sue, a new high school graduate. Reverend Goode’s usual sermon about the evils of sex is hopeless; any kind of distraction would be welcome. Most welcome would be spotting someone with whom they could try out all of the reverend’s proposed sins.
Re-Union
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,170. Language: English. Published: March 30, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
Claire often finds work to do when the cutest young couple in town, Sue and Bobby, are busy in the “Loving Room” next to her office. When Bobby returns from college, lovemaking is forbidden at either of their parents’ houses and so, when it’s too cold to take to the woods, they often take advantage of Claire’s hospitality. The thin walls and a glass of Scotch help Claire remember her younger days.
Buck and Beatrice
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 2,990. Language: English. Published: March 16, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Adult
Claire's upstairs is about to become the trysting place of “Buck” Buckner and Reverend Goode’s wife Beatrice. Buck, a good-looking, sweet-talking young farmhand, known to many of the older ladies in South Branch as “Buck Naked”, was catnip to many of the leading ladies in town and Bea, following her philandering husband’s lead, couldn’t wait for her first illicit adventure beyond the marriage bed.
The Great American Tilly and Elmer Novel
Price: $5.99 USD. Words: 109,280. Language: English. Published: March 9, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Adult
Tilly and Elmer, high school sweethearts from South Branch, Iowa, tearfully depart for disparate colleges in San Francisco and Cedar Falls where they encounter wildly divergent experiences, and sex with a menagerie of new lovers. Distance, diversity, and dubious dalliances turn their love to disdain. Then they’re imprisoned together in an old pickup on a long, troublesome road trip back home.
Girlfriends' Weekend
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 7,000. Language: English. Published: March 2, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
Claire and Mary Ann, old friends from school, have reconnected and discovered a sweet romantic attraction between them. Expressing this requires a certain level of caution in their hometown of South Branch, Iowa, but a weekend together in the Windy City allows them to throw caution to the wind and discover dozens of new and delightful dalliances.
The Mayor and Mary Ann and …
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,600. Language: English. Published: February 16, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Erotica » Lesbian
Every Wednesday, Mary Ann takes advantage of her friend Claire’s upstairs “loving room” to carry on her affair with the mayor of South Branch. Mayor Meyer, a busy older man, frequently leaves Mary Ann unfulfilled however, and the two women often imbibe and sympathize after these anticlimaxes. Happily, they discover a way to make Mary Ann forget the mayor’s shortcomings, and delight Claire as well.
Brandi and Randy
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,290. Language: English. Published: February 2, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
Brandi and Randy were newly in love and delighted with each other. Except in bed. “In Bed” usually meant upstairs at Claire’s, and when their “Lovemaking” was finished, Brandi was always unfulfilled and often in tears. Claire, a woman experienced in the art and craft of lovemaking was worried about their relationship, and when Brandi asked her for help, she agreed to give the pair some pointers.
Cross Purposes
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,260. Language: English. Published: January 19, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
Gina has plans for the sexy handyman who’s working in her backyard, and not all of them involve her new patio! Pablo’s been thinking about her too, and a break from being under her watchful eye to being under her thumb sounds like a more pleasurable way to spend an afternoon. As with many projects though, a slight misunderstanding of each other’s plans requires a ration of renegotiation.
Robert's Rules
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 2,790. Language: English. Published: January 5, 2021 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
The weekly bridge game at Hardwood Pointe was as much about cocktails and complaints as it was about collegial competition, and as usual, Pam, Sally, Barbara, and Robert spent the time commiserating about the shortcomings of their sex lives. Robert was the biggest complainer, and the “girls” deliberately left him behind when they went to the kitchen to refill the drinks and discuss the situation.
Teddy's Titillating Talents
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: Free! Words: 3,380. Language: English. Published: December 22, 2020 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
Barbara led off the gossip with the announcement that a new man had moved into Hardwood Pointe! She hadn’t met him, but she had heard his name was “Teddy,” that he was good looking, and was reported to be a good dancer. Soon, the new man took on a legendary reputation. Everyone was in heat to meet him at the earliest opportunity, and when Gina offered to invite a guest to the slumber party …
Birthday Belles
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch, Book 1. Price: Free! Words: 2,470. Language: English. Published: December 8, 2020 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Romance » Short stories
As Gina, Pam, Sally, and Barbara were enjoying their usual morning conversation and coffee (with Kahlua) at Hardwood Pointe, a South Branch retirement community, an idea arose. Each was happy not to have a husband under foot any longer, but all agreed a cuddle or canoodle would be welcome now and then; why not plan a naughty pajama party and take care of this problem themselves? Why not indeed!
Orgasmic Dentistry
Series: Naughty Bedtime Stories to Keep You Awake, Book 8. Price: Free! Words: 2,980. Language: English. Published: September 30, 2020 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Contemporary, Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor
Barbara avoided going to the dentist whenever possible. She found the experience frightening and stressful, as many do, and the idea that it could ever be fun and sexy seemed impossible, until her friend Shelly told her about Dr. Brennan. And when the handsome Robert welcomed her to Dr. Brennen’s luxurious office and offered her a Mojito, she began to think Shelly could be right.
The Shady Side of South Branch
Series: The Shady Side of South Branch. Price: $4.99 USD. Language: English. Published: September 8, 2020 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy & Humor, Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - single author
28 frisky stories that will have you rolling on the floor - and sometimes laughing! South Branch, a made-up town in Iowa, has its share of colorful and carnal characters. Their alarming, yet amusing, adventures are chronicled in these erudite and erotic essays under such headings as: “The Party Girls of Hardwood Pointe,” “Upstairs at Claire’s,” “Junkyard Cats,” “Rosalie’s Palm” and more!
Hi-Ho the Derry-O
Series: Naughty Bedtime Stories to Keep You Awake, Book 7. Price: Free! Words: 2,230. Language: English. Published: August 20, 2020 . Categories: Fiction » Erotica » For Couples, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Jack enjoyed driving his UTV out to a corner of the farm every few days to pump irrigation water from the pond. His location was out of sight of the house and over a hill from the public road, so It was a convenient location for looking at a bit of porn on his phone and masturbating while waiting for job to finish. His custom was to fantasize about Linda, a girl he had no chance with. But maybe …
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Smashwords book reviews by Gene Clements

  • Stray Hearts and Mistletoe on Dec. 24, 2023

    I’m not a frequent reader of romance books although I’ve read several of C. K. Alber’s previous books and I always find them clever and captivating. This one is no exception! Lovers of romantic stories will not be disappointed, and if you also love dogs, you’ll especially love this tale! It takes place at Christmas time, but it’s a fun read for any time of year! Definitely five stars!