Si Page


'Fun I love, but too much fun is of all things the most loathsome. Mirth is better than fun, and happiness is better than mirth.' William Blake

The Author

Simon Charles Page was born in Romford, Essex in 1970 and grew up with a love of football, film, frolicking and females (the priority of the four 'F's reversed during his teenage years).

After attending three different senior schools, Simon decided that it wasn't a good idea to turn up for his GCE's and bunked off to head for the workplace as a carpet fitter, only to find the YTS scheme waiting with twenty something quid a week and a clip 'round the ear for cutting carpet 'very wonky'.

Simon describes the next ten years of his working life in grim fashion: 'I've worked as a telesales 'thingy' (eww), vending machine salesman (spit), insurance clerk (snore), debt collector (ouch), recruitment consultant (I liked that one) and a mortgage broker (I worked for sharks and didn't last long).'

Things were to change drastically in 1996, when Simon decided to become a 'real' student and take a B.A. Hons. Theology degree somewhere outside of Essex, called 'The North'.

Simon began to ask questions about this strange new land called 'The North' and was told there was something called the North-South divide. Apparently, things were so bad 'oop North', that folk were likely to be poorer, live off a diet of mushy peas and statistically, die younger. Whether that was down to the mushy peas, Simon wasn't quite sure - that was until he started to do his research.

After reading about an imaginary line called the equator, Simon mistook the North-South divide (which isn't an exact line either) for the Northern and Southern Hemispheres. Things seemed to match at first. After all, the Northern Hemisphere had more pollution due to population density (which Simon believed must contribute to the poor health in 'The North' and not just the mushy peas).

Concerned that he might be sharing a million acres of land with a handful of infected people and the odd tiger or elephant, Simon was relieved to discover that his move to new pastures wouldn't involve a Trans-Atlantic flight, but a car journey up the M6 motorway to a grassy dwelling called Cheshire.

Simon finished his degree in 1999 and until 2007, worked as a Church Minister in Merseyside and Blackpool. In more sophisticated company, Simon explained that he resided in Southport, near Royal Birkdale and when in Lancashire, he lived a few cosy miles from Royal Lytham.

Simon has since been involved in a number of creative projects, patented a new invention with a good friend; launched a number of businesses and of course, written a comedy novel called 'Missing Gretyl'.

He has two lovely boys called Ruben and Freddie and has been married for nearly fifteen years to a beautiful lady called Solana. You can find out more about Si Page on Facebook at and Twitter

Smashwords Interview

When did you first come up with the idea for Missing Gretyl?
I was taking a stroll with my wife, Solana along the beach in Lytham St. Annes back in 2008 (not long before my first child, Ruben was born). We were told that walking ‘among other things’ might hasten his arrival!
Where did the inspiration for the story come from?
That’s a good question! Well, I was discussing an idea for a short five minute video with My wife, Solana. Here’s a quick synopsis:

An elderly gentleman wakes up in his bed and taking his wife’s photo, places it face down on the bedside table. He looks desperately sad, bereaved and at a loss with himself.

He walks into the lounge and it’s in a real mess. Cups, dirty dinner plates and clothing is scattered everywhere. The viewer is drawn into the inner world of someone who is ‘evidently’ suffering bereavement. Every action of the old man is studied in detail and even the most mundane of tasks has significance.

The punch line unfolds when the doorbell rings. He walks slowly to the door and looks through the latch. He then opens the door and his wife walks in. She hadn’t died, as the viewer was led to believe. She’d been visiting a friend for the weekend, and the elderly man had suffered a stroke just after she left – and couldn’t remember anything.

I wanted to build a story around a character that drew you into their ‘inner world’. Solana and I started to ask questions like, ‘What if the wife was really difficult?’ and then we looked at the idea of a battle of the sexes. It’s quite mad really how our thoughts can jump from one topic to another!
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Si Page online

Where to buy in print


This member has not published any books.