The premise was a bit silly, and the push from friendship to sex was a bit heavy-handed. Too many hints about what is going to happen instead of letting the suspense build. Not terrible writing, though, so more than just a star.
Props for the easy introduction to anal, demonstrating the plug and stopping when she wanted to stop, going when she wanted to go. Although you forgot the cleanup! But some of the descriptions, hmm, more silly than sexy. Don't describe bodies/parts as "perfect", give vivid descriptions and let the reader decide what is perfect. Also, "Oh. Oh. Oh." is not dialogue, although it was amusing.
Some of this was definitely erotic, but a few more lines of character development would have helped me get into it. Also, some of the descriptions were a little distracting, like I didn't really like the use of the word "hole" and the author used "snug passage" twice, when more variety would have been better, especially since it was so short. They did manage to do a lot within the limited wordcount, though.
This was a very well done short tale. Nice concept, well executed. Cleverly written beginning, clever ending, very strong middle with a lot of fun narration and ways of phrasing things. Can't really give something this whimsical five stars, but for silliness of this sort, it was one of the best. Will definitely check out other works by this author.
I have mixed feelings about this one. The start is very sensual and lulling and the author tries to engage all of the senses. But the man taunts too much for my taste, the first anal experience should not have tension and anxiety as part of the play. Also the backstory was way too minimal. Basically four sentences and then on to the action. It made it harder to connect to the characters. Even eight sentences would have been better.
First off I want to say that this was definitely well written. This was not erotica with slightly better writing, this was very good writing that just happened to have erotica in it. Nothing was hokey or cliched, at least not unless it was meant to be cliched, and the dialog and action seemed very real and believable. My chief complaint is that it was too long for what it was. If the erotica had been more detailed, or more compelling, the length would probably not have bothered me, but because it was actually a series of barely described snippets leading to a final scene, it really dragged on, and I found myself being very impatient with the countdown. Which was too bad, because I really loved the ending, but it was the kind of thing that should have probably been one third as long as it was.
Wow, this was really bad. It wasn't the worst writing, so I gave it two stars, but it was so cheesy and inane it just made me uncomfortable. Particularly offensive was how she is supposedly this sheltered virgin, and yet her narration is detailed and seductive like she is an old pro. Her first time sitting on someone's lap and she knows to pull up her knees and spread her legs to give him "full access"? Give me a break!
There was something about this little story that really got to me. It was a combination of the verbal interaction between the two women, which was endearing, and the way the topic of rimming was approached, which was very loving. True, there were more than a few typos, and sometimes the dialog seemed bumpy, but when it was over I found myself thinking that I would like to read about them again, to see what else they share with each other. That is very rare for erotica, and refreshing.
It was okay, but a lot of the words seemed wrong, and the narrator describing her hot sexy bod and how she liked to show it off seemed weird. The writing and the physical descriptions were competent, so I gave it an average rating.
I didn't like these. They were competently written, but the descriptions were very cut and dried like reading a grocery list. And the interactions between people were not very believable, I just didn't buy what was happening in these stories.
In the middle of this story Naomi imagines that "she could keep going like this all night." She was not bragging, she was just totally lost in the moment. I had the exact same feeling about reading this story. This story was a great combination of sex, desire, sarcasm, humor, and real world complications. And the author didn't try to go for the money shot, she lets you luxuriate in the whole experience. I love how this story is about real people, not porn stars, and what might actually happen if some friends planned a menage a trois. It made the whole thing more authentic, and I felt like I was actually there. It worked beautifully in my opinion, and I look forward to reading more from this author.
I had a similar impression to an earlier reviewer. I thought the story was told very well and drew you in. It also had a dark element that made it a little disturbing. As things unfolded at the end, however, I was left wanting a little more oomph. The author did actually have some reveals that changed things up a bit, but I was more interested in what the secrets are, and that part was not as satisfying.
This had some pretty erotic scenes, but I was left not connecting with the characters. It seemed weird that she wouldn't speak, and that he just walked over to her house unannounced, and she just opened the door barely clothed. Kind of a stretch.
Ms. Mackenzie has done it again. Very interesting situation, with realistic, blunt and introspective dialogue, which for some reason makes it very hot. When the explorations cause trouble in the relationship, it really enhanced the story for me. These feel like real people, which makes the stakes higher, which makes the payoffs better.
Okay, so the answer to the question, "Can Ms. Mackenzie sustain an erotic storyline into novella territory?" is a resounding YES! I was engaged in the story until the very end, and I thought it had a lot of heart and a lot of interesting character struggles. The only reason I gave it 3 stars instead of 4 was because so much of the story was set up as an argument/contract between lawyers and that was just not a turn-on at all for me. They seemed to overthink the whole thing, which was at least realistic if not pleasant to watch, while at the same time, the man never really opened up about what was going on with him, while Ashley just repeated her same concerns over and over, as if his response would change. But the sex scenes were vivid, realistic, sensual, and erotic, and both women characters were interesting and believable, so I definitely enjoyed most of the story.
I found this story to be a bit derogatory by fetishizing her small size, her silence, and her possible Asian ancestry. The sex and storyline were somewhat competent, but many of the phrases ("deposited another cream coat to her uterine walls"???) were preposterous and distracting. Also, some of the typos, the talk about virginity, and the narrator's banter made the story feel juvenile.
What a waste of good talent! The writing was so good and the character development was so interesting, but the stories were all violent stories about men controlling women wrapped up as romance. If it were real BDSM with safewords and everything that would be one thing, but these are all women who are just curious about trying new things and then the men just dominate and basically either rape them or make them do dangerous things without their clear consent. Wow, such a shame.
This is a very hot story; I was amazed at how well a mother's lactating breasts were incorporated into the sex scenes and erotica. There was a lot of variety, too, probably 3 or 4 very detailed scenes. It had the perfect blend of realism and exaggeration, and some of the most wonderfully described female orgasms I have read; you really felt the main female character was experiencing ultimate pleasure. All this with a good ending to boot!
This was a good story, although it was short and made you want to purchase the sequels to get the whole story. I was most impressed about the time spent developing the characters and particularly Amy's emotional perspective. This is erotica but it is also a story.
This was a good story, although part of a series so you don't get the whole story. This story was erotic, although the sex was a little too quick, but it had a good storyline and was well written otherwise.
This was a good story, although part of a series so you will have to buy the next ones if you want the whole story. This story was erotic, although there was something subdued about their interaction, I would have enjoyed more chemistry or something. It had a good storyline and was well written otherwise, the cliffhanger was actually intriguing.
This was a fairly elaborate little story, with some hot sex, and a lot of intrigue. The main character is a bit daft in the beginning, but she proves she has some mettle at the end. Also, I appreciated the realistic incorporation of safe words in this one.
Wow, this was outlandish. It was actually B-movie, hilarious outlandish. Despite the many typos and some formatting problems, I couldn't look away. So the author gets points for humor and not being afraid to go over the top. I almost gave it 3 stars for that, but in the end, what she was described as doing was just too painful to be enjoyable, not really what I am looking for in erotica. Nice ending, though.
This was somewhat interesting, and pretty competent writing, but I was really turned off by the nonconsensual part of it. He's in love with her and wants to get married but he still goes ahead even though she says no? Not a good message.
This was a wonderful compilation of stories. I thought the writing was great, and the stories were clever and filled with pathos. A lot of them had surprise endings. Most of these were a bit unusual, even creepy, but they don't quite stray into the horror genre, so if you have a sensitive stomach you should be safe!
Fairly good writing. It's in present tense with the woman as the narrator, which is different. The "Daddy" thing is a little strange because wouldn't she feel like a Mommy with him suckling from her? But interesting if you're into that sort of thing. I didn't like that he was so rough with her and he acted so distant even though he was obviously aroused. Still pretty erotic despite those quibbles.
I liked the racial diversity of the characters and the conversational style, but the interactions were fairly ridiculous. Also, I don't want to hear the popping sounds when a dick pops out of someone's mouth. And "bobbing up and down on a meaty cock" is not very erotic to me. Maybe fun if you are in a campy mood.
This story makes no sense! Where are the sequels??
It has some interesting imagery, and as we read it begins to feel like a puzzle: what is really going on, where is everyone? But the conclusion does not help us at all, and then I realized it was Part I, but there aren't any other parts available. Strange and disappointing.